


Moonbroch

by Irma7x



Series: We all lose when the family feuds [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Parents, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Divergence, Kid Fic, Lots of Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parents AU, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-TFA, Tags May Change, idk what else to say, kylux as parents, kylux parents au, kylux with kids, kylux with kids is my jam, science babies!, they just suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:05:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 46,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irma7x/pseuds/Irma7x
Summary: "Before me, I see power. Intellectual power. Spiritual power. From both of these attributes, my new apprentice will rise.”They both freeze.  Not wanting to comprehend or accept just what was this request from Snoke implying exactly.“Supreme leader?” Hux inquires. Putting on a brave facade although his blood had turned burning cold.“An apprentice. Engineered to be my most powerful one yet. Born from two grand lineages."Supreme Leader Snoke request their subordinates to produce an heir and secure the legacy of the First Order--an heir, specifically engineered to bear the traits of the two commanders of the First Order, thus supplying Snoke with the perfect apprentice. Tensions arise as Kylo Ren and General Hux begin to doubt their loyalty to The Order as the possibility of bringing a child to their lives makes them doubt their previous motivations and longings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited, this is my first time posting a fic in here! I've never done it because I've never really finished my stories, but I've been planning this ever since I started shipping Kylux like two years ago so I really committed myself to actually finish this one. The first part of this series is finished! and the rest, I've already outlined so I can begin writing it. It's Kylux with kids which is my ultimate jaaaam, so I'm really happy to be posting this finally!

 

 

> **Moonbroch:** (n) A large halo around the moon, which pressages an approaching storm.
> 
> _  
> _

 

_Violent gusts of wind carry the cries of upcoming thunder ahead, making the tall, dark trees of the forest tremble. The energy all around is dense with something unnamable--like a prelude--as his feet struggle to walk ahead, slowed by the damp soil. The scent of the earth is made richer from the rain. The scent of home almost--mocking him, making fun of the fate that now awaits him. Life has such a twisted sense of humour, for it has now reversed positions: he now faces what is sure to be his death, in the form of a young woman standing on the edge of a cliff--her back to him, avoiding to face him just yet. Imagery so similar to that of a specific moment in his life he dreads to recall._

_The skies are dark but sporadically lit by bolts of lightning illuminating her figure so cruelly. Even her long, flowing black curls and black robes are taunting him--like_ _déjà vu._

_As another thunderbolt strikes she turns her head and her green eyes seem to burst with electricity--cheekbones sharp and contoured by harsh light, lips full and turned in an angry sneer. Her expression so stunningly familiar._

_Suddenly the buzz of a lightsaber brutally ignited contrasts with the sound of the wind. The color of the weapon clutched in her hand not red nor blue, but an uncommon purple--the rarest kind. Her lightsaber, a representation of the ambiguity of her--neither leaning towards the dark nor the light side. Yet. It’s almost a symbol of her coming of age. Not yet a definite weapon. Her current kyber crystal might not answer to her the same way, once she carries on with the task bestowed upon her._

_Another crash of lightning and she turns fully to her observer. Her face…a harmonious combination of features that he never would’ve guessed could mix so beautifully. She raises the lightsaber with one hand as if it weighs nothing, twirling it before aiming it right at him--an inherited combat trait. She launches with fury towards him, so quickly, that he barely registers the weapon piercing right through his abdomen._

_The last thing he sees when he looks up in pain are those big and familiar green eyes…_

 

“Ren!”

Kylo wakes up abruptly and the first thing he sees are green eyes, wide with worry. He swears he can still smell wet soil and feel the humidity in the air, suffocating him--although it’s just his sweat and his rapid breathing. Hux is right there, clutching at his shoulders in an attempt to grind him back to reality.

_  
_

“Ren” he repeats, softly this time. Kylo’s eyes frantically search his surroundings as he tries to regulate his breathing. It’s okay, it’s alright, he’s in his room: where there’s First Order regulated furniture in tones of grey and black, not trees nor cliffs or anything of the sort; he’s tucked in his bed although he’s made a mess of the sheets--sticking to his body in tangled heaps. The smell of the forest he thought he could still sense was just the combination of his and Hux’s scent, made stronger by their proximity and shared warmth, pleasantly mixed in their sleep. This is his home.

Once he scans the room his eyes land once again on Hux’s. A flush adorns his body and he seems to be breathing as harshly as Kylo. Up close like this, Hux’s warm puffs of breath hit his face so soothingly, and his eyelashes seem translucent in the dim light of the room. His gaze is so firm, it seems like he is staring right through him to ensure that Ren is back here with him and not trapped in another nightmare. Once Kylo calms down he nods and Hux lays back down beside him. “Alright? He inquires, just to confirm.

“Yeah…I just had that dream again”

“The one with the woman on the cliff?”

“Yeah” he grabs Hux’s arm and brings it to him, seeking his anchor to bring him  back where’s it’s safe. Hux takes this cue and clings more closely to him, both trying to recuperate the little moments of peace that are so hard to enjoy with a lifestyle like theirs. “I keep having it, I’m not sure if it’s a vision”

Hux snorts, always a little fed up with Kylo’s cryptic choice of words. “Visions, dreams...what the hell is the difference.”    

“This one might come true. A dream can originate from my own longings. Visions can come to me from the Force… they can be from the past or the future. They can be of events that may or may not happen.”

“I think you shouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Of course you’d think that.”

“What is that suppose to mean?” Kylo often wonders how their relationship even works. It’s been five years already. They can offend each other so easily. Their conversations never remain in a static range of emotion. They’re never not heated. And yet they never back out. Somehow they work together. Somehow they found solace in each other. Somehow they found the only thing that’s genuine in their lives.

“Forget it.”

“Well then. Let’s go back to sleep. We have a meeting with Snoke later today. And I would like to get at least twenty minutes of solid rest without being interrupted with another one of your stupid fits.” Hux scoffs, indignant, annoyed. And still he cuddles closer to Kylo to accommodate for rest.

Kylo ignores the jab and inclines his head to bury his nose on his partner’s hair, letting it lull him to a peaceful state even though he can’t go back to sleep. In the back of his mind, vibrant visions of green eyes and twirling lightsabers continue to torment him.

\---

 

The awakening, as Supreme Leader Snoke called it, was brought up to them that evening. General Hux uninterested in matters of the Force as always, waiting for the Supreme Leader to get to the actual subject of relevance here,  such as the development of Starkiller, Hux’s lifelong project. But both were briefed on the new task: a map to Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts had emerged and to find it was the priority. Destroy the Last Jedi, ending all beacon of hope for the loathsome Resistance and thus, crush them in their most vulnerable of times. Starkiller launching at last.

When they finish their briefing, the co-commanders of the First Order both bow and begin making their way out of the holochamber, but they were stopped halfway through. Snoke apparently not finished with either of them.

“Not so fast” the raspy voice of the Supreme Leader, spoken painfully slowly, echoes in the meeting room. “There’s something else.”   

“Yes, Supreme Leader” Hux, always the first one eager to please his superior, to get the recognition he believes is his right. Meanwhile, Kylo simply looks straight ahead to his master, his helmet absent this time. Like this, Kylo is hyper aware that Snoke could easily detect the uneasiness in him with every micro-expression. He’s felt on edge ever since he woke up that morning. Not that Snoke couldn’t detect this by simply entering his mind, sensing the energy radiating from him. The fact still unnerved him a little, nevertheless.

“There is another task I require of you. Of great importance. As the force awakens, I have foreseen a shift in events that we may not be ready to confront as of yet. Not equipped to face off, I’d say. With our present resources. It is dangerous to our reign. We must ensure our legacy, our rightful place above all”

The Supreme leader paused for what seemed an eternity before speaking again. “My two boys” he begins. And it would've been less repulsive if he had called them a couple of stray dogs or sewage rats. _Boys_ as if Snoke held a familial tie with them--his _children,_ _his_ to manipulate and _mold_ to his personal whims, to his ideal. Disgusting. Insulting. They were both men in command, who had struggled all their life to prove the people around them that they were important, valuable, _strong._ Capable of leading full armies, capable of surpassing their own previous masters. They certainly did not come this way under Snoke’s wing, they had earned it. Or so Hux thought of himself. It irked him to see how Kylo could underestimate his own abilities so easily. To justify everything he possesses by Snoke’s good will. Pathetic.

“Two sides of the same coin. Before me, I see power.” He turns to Hux and Kylo respectively as he continues his monologue. _“Intellectual_ power. _Spiritual_ power. From both of these attributes, my new apprentice will rise.”

They both freeze. Not wanting to comprehend or accept just what was this request from Snoke implying exactly.

“Supreme leader?” Hux inquires. Putting on a brave facade although his blood had turned burning cold.

“An apprentice. Engineered to be my most powerful one yet. Born from two grand lineages. You must both supply samples of your DNA to engender it. Can you not envision it? A child, bearing the traits of my top commanders. The descendant of Armitage Hux, General of the First Order and Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren. Strong in the force, strong in the battlefield. My most prized _creation._ ”    

Kylo could’ve sworn that the sting he felt at his back was real--an actual stab of a dagger piercing through him. Never has he felt so betrayed by his own kind than now. Well, that if he doesn’t count the band of liars and entitled scum that constituted the Resistance. _Ben Solo’s_ family.

Was he not the chosen one, the prized creation himself? Heir of Vader. Was he not handpicked by Snoke for his raw power to be the one to bring that growing plague in the galaxy to an end? He had been praised and mentored by Snoke himself since he can remember, brought up to believe he would be the ultimate force user in history, even surpassing his grandfather’s legacy. And now, he was being told to give that up. To make way for a new breed. Kylo and Hux’s own offspring, created specifically to be handed out to Snoke so they can be scraped away like debris when they’re no longer of use.

“How is that even going to be possible, master?” Kylo tries to appear calm, understanding. Determined to obey his master’s command. Though he fails miserably. It was evident in his hesitant tone, for as much as he tried to disguise it.

“You know well how to produce samples of your seed, don’t you not? Of course you do.” Snoke scrunches up his face as if he was sneering at them, and if that was a personal jab at their relationship they both remained stoic, unfazed.

To this day, they still were not sure if the Supreme leader knew. Aware that they could be read easily by their superior, they had practiced together many times to try to build mental shields in their minds so to not have their most intimate of memories uncovered. Snoke never mentioned a thing, but they still walked on eggshells in his presence.

Hux could almost swear that his gaze lingered far longer on him whenever they were summoned. Judgemental. As if _he_ was responsible for tainting and weakening his precious apprentice. As if it was all his sole fault, his initiative. Kylo always told him to let it go, that if Snoke knew he would’ve done something by now, but it was easy for him to say. It was painfully clear to Hux that in Snoke’s eyes, he was the dispensable one. He was just waiting for the right time to be dispatched. He was being kept like a pig meant for slaughter, to be murdered on prime time.

“Take those samples to the doctors aboard the _Avalon._ My undisclosed clinic. They will know what to do. Once the child is strong enough to even _walk,_ you will deliver it to me. To ensure its training will not be compromised.”

With that, Snoke regarded Hux directly, as if confirming Hux’s passing thoughts on being the one out of line and unimportant to the grand operation--irrelevant once he fires Starkiller. A chill runs all the way from his neck to his tailbone.

For reasons unknown to them, they were unnerved by their superior referring to the child as an object. _It._ They were to lend a piece of themselves to create _life_. A _miracle,_ as they had heard many people refer to the act. And a miracle it would be indeed, for life would bloom from the entrails of two men. Only in this case, this request was talked about as something clinical. Impersonal. A transaction. Like they were being asked to design another product, another weapon for their leader to exploit.

But it was life nevertheless, straight from them. Never had they contemplated on the possibility of having children. Or more specifically, once their path became clear, immersed in the First Order, those desires born out of fantasy to make up for their poor childhoods had faded away. Unrealistic wishes. Still, they could not help to feel a sharp pain in their guts, like a bad presentiment.

“Yes, Supreme leader” were their final words after a pregnant pause in which they contemplated this bizarre request. They should be focusing on Skywalker alone. On polishing Starkiller’s last few details. Now they were to worry about producing an heir? At least it would not interfere with their everyday lives. It would not add stress, apparently. They were just to produce samples of their sperm, hand them over and be done with it. Neither one was required to carry the thing personally, or so it seemed. A transaction, that’s what it was in the end. Plain and simple. Cold. It would not be a burden to the greater and present work.

Their Supreme leader excuses them with a wave of their hand and they both walk out of the holochamber, drenched with inexplicable dread.    

\----    

The day went on, each commander busy with their own affairs. After his shift ends, Kylo heads back to Hux’s room--their shared quarters for over two years now (although no one had to know _that)_

He stomps through the halls of the _Finalizer_ , not having burned off his energy completely during his physical training. There were still remnants of repressed nervousness that strongly grew as he reaches the end of the hall where their room was located.  

He always meditated at the end of his training sessions. The revelation that came to him during this session in particular, was precisely the root of his giddiness now. He had to lay down immediately. Hux would help clear his mind. There was a time where he strongly believed that his master was the sole being in the galaxy that could aid him to seek answers, to ease his mind, but quite unexpectedly, that had changed. Hux had become the guardian of his reason, the one holding his leash. His anchor.

But he wouldn't have it any differently. Where Kylo brought forth storms and violent tides, Hux was the constant shore. Meeting the turbulent water to lend some of its calm, to help it return to its natural flow. They needed each other. They were two sides of a perfect mechanism, with each mold complementing the other to function flawlessly. They contrasted, they crashed, but in the end they always reunited in their rightful place next to each other.  

Maybe he should’ve felt a little guilty for this tiny betrayal to his master. To have lowered his loyalty to second place--Hux having usurped the first from Snoke. But there was just something that Hux provided that that Snoke never could, although he decides not to put a name to that just yet. He needs to let this preoccupation off his chest first.

Kylo forces open the door to their chambers with the Force. Anxiety radiating through him and as always, ruining the collected state of his General, who was sitting at his desk reading the day’s reports and the updates on Starkiller Base.

“Can we talk?” Kylo demands before he even so much as _greets_ Hux.

“I’m busy, can’t you tell. Or has the lens on your _mask_ fogged up? Plus, I’m not interested in having a civil conversation with a _machine._ Take that damn thing off and I’ll consider it.” Hux doesn’t even bother looking up from his datapad until he hears the hiss of Kylo’s helmet as he unlatches it.

“What do you want?” Kylo is always so offended when Hux doesn’t seem to be as agitated or as worried as he is. Whenever Hux replies unbothered by whatever Kylo’s energy might be at the time, it only fuels his desperate rage even more.

“I know why. I’ve meditated on it, I know”     

Hux, irritated once again by his partner’s mysticism, ever the master of suspense, speaking as he’s reciting words from a classic play from the Old Republic, finally rouses. “Why what Ren!? Don’t be a child, do try to make coherent sentences for the love of--”      

“I know why the Supreme Leader wants us to reproduce!” Kylo cuts him abruptly. Having been patient enough by Hux’s lack of interest, until now. His fury growing by the minute.

“He made his reasons quite clear, did he not?”

“Gods, you can be so obtuse when you want to! Don’t you see? Can’t you _feel_ it? I know you can!”

“Do not raise your voice at me!”

“Your apprehension was tangible as we left the holochamber! Hux, listen to me, please! I know. I know why he requested that of us. And you know it, you’re just too blunt to admit it.”

“He knows. He’s seen the depth of our minds, what we yearn. This is a test. He wants to take that longing away from us, that last thread of our past lives. Once it’s out of the way there’s no questioning our loyalty to the Order. To him. He wants to take away something, no, _someone_ , born from us, our bond. He wants to crush us, Hux! He might think that he can separate us, by giving away our child as a symbol. Of destroying whatever’s left of our past selves and of what we’ve built, you and I. He’s seen our dreams. I’m sure he’s heard our late night conversations, when we’ve discussed an alternative future. I know we’ve tried to hide it but there’s no way he doesn’t know! Of what we secretly wish for, Hux. Us. together. And…”

 _“And!?_ Hux cuts in. Not making sense of anything that Kylo is rambling about. Or more accurately, not wanting to give in to what Kylo might imply that they do after stumbling upon this revealing discovery that Kylo believes to be pivotal.

Kylo, for once, is left speechless by Hux’s cold detachment. “I… I thought…”

“You thought _what,_ Ren! Personal interests can’t interfere. The Supreme Leader was explicit. Hand in our cum to be mixed in to create a new apprentice for him. That’s _it._ ” Kylo winced, hurt by Hux’s crude description of the process. A process too sacred to be carried out like just like that, or so he wanted to believe. In Kylo’s mind, the procedure was just the clinical means to give them what they could not make by their own biology but it did not replace the fact that it would be theirs. By blood.

But maybe he _was_ indeed delusional. Maybe Hux was right. Maybe he was still contaminated with _Ben Solo’s_ thoughts.

“I _do_ think is mad. Don’t get me wrong, I do find it insulting that we are being treated like mere breeders. But what do you _want_ us do to, Ren?”

Hux’s skin felt overwhelmingly tight and aflame. He stops to collect himself before their argument blows out of proportion. With a deep breath that tames the fire within him, refreshing him from head to toe, he rises from his seat behind his desk and faces Kylo closely, gently feeling Kylo’s own heated cheek beneath his palm.

“We have a commitment to the Order” he softly uttered. Trying his hardest to ease his whirlwind of a lover, back on firm ground. His next words were tenderly whispered, as if Hux wanted to prevent Snoke from intruding on their private world, as best as he could. “We can’t just abandon everything and go. Abandon everything we’ve worked for. Best we get on with it, Ren. This is where we belong.”

Ren’s disappointment was palpable in the air. Hux brings both of his hands to rest on Kylo’s face now, to make him look at him. He was doing his best to avoid Hux’s gaze. “Take off that damn frown” His tone ever so delicate, as he presses his thumbs to put some soothing pressure on Kylo’s temples.        

A moment passes before brown eyes interlock with green again. Kylo searches in Hux’s eyes for admission, no, _pleads_ him with a single look to _understand_. But even he is a little fed up with his own outburst. Ever the voice of reason, Kylo gives in to Hux’s rational points. He presses his body closer to Hux’s in an embrace, longing for the only balm in the whole galaxy that can cure the unease within him. His buries his nose on Hux’s neck, source of the purest, most exquisite scent--and his whole self begins to relax again. His breathing no longer frantic, but slowed to a languid pace with each deep inhale of his partner’s essence. No one else can give him this. This is the treasure he had been scouting all his life to find, and he wouldn’t put their relationship in jeopardy by not complying with what is asked of them. He would not put their lives in danger by refusing his master.      

For obeying meant safety, under the Supreme Leader’s watch, or so he wanted to be convinced of.

He pushes those intruding thoughts aside, and faces Hux again. Always a little hesitant whenever he proposes something akin to this, instead of just taking it. “Can we at least….” he pauses, shy all of a sudden, but a look at Hux’s encouraging demeanor is all the fuel he needs. “When Snoke was explaining the procedure I imagined us jerking off into a tube, just like that. So can we at least… honour the actual ritual? Can we…?  

Hux’s thumbs move from their place at Kylo’s temple-- pure softness beneath his fingers as he maps each of his dark moles before settling on his plump lips. He smirks, suddenly alight with mischief.  “I didn’t think it’d be done any other way”

\---  

They did it regularly. It might’ve been the healthiest part of their relationship. That’s how all of it began. A mere agreement to release stress. Until hands clenched in fists meant to hurt became extended palms to caress; spanks turned into firm presses, insults became endearments, groans became sighs. It had become part of their routine, an integral moment of their day. And before they even realized, feelings had settled in, tangling them up in a relationship that had endured through thick and thin, conquering all odds. They never saw it coming, they hated each other. Of course, to _hate_ someone, involves a certain passion, easily transformed into something more when toyed with for as long as they did, testing the waters. Something just as deep, just as meaningful.

It was rare when it was soft. Unhurried. Stretched until they could no longer hold on. Crying with irresistible desperation, painfully sweet. Normally preferring to be joint with fervour, on a rougher end. Tonight, although tender, it was reverent. Truly a consummation--meant to worship and venerate, for the outcome, the purpose that made this time different from the rest was that they were playing God. Never in their time did they imagine they would be doing this for anything other than to find superficial pleasure. To fulfill an inherent, human need.

They start while they’re still standing, still close to one another. Calmer now that their argument had dissolved. They take their time discarding their clothes off, each tending to their own garments carefully--button by button, layer by layer. Eyes glued to each other, as if searching for truth, as if needing to confirm that this is the point of no return and that they will bravely embrace it--jumping with eyes wide open to the unknown.

They meet in a smouldering kiss when they both have shed their armours. Tongues in battle, breaths exchanged. Hands on each other’s faces, until Hux breaks first and starts exploring his knight’s skin, inch by inch--palms descending to his neck, and then gingerly massaging the wide expanse of Kylo’s back and then his chest. Softly feeling the delicate hairs that trail downward from his bellybutton. With his hands still clutching at Hux’s face gracefully, Kylo guides him to their bed, straddling Hux’s hips and ordering the lights to dim at about thirty percent; enough to still see each other but just low enough for it to fit the mood. They hiss as heir erections press against each other, both of them moving their hips in languid thrusts to chase that feeling again, not yet hurrying.

Kylo covers Hux’s almost translucent skin with reverent, lingering kisses. Tongue indulging in mellow planes of flesh--taste made richer from a thin layer of sweat beginning to surface. He lavished his entire body with warm licks--From Hux’s neck, taking extra time to devour the beautiful, long line of a muscle that stands out when he arches his head back in delight, as well as the curious dip between his collarbones. Those are his favorite parts of him. Hux sighs--a long and wanton cry as he grabs a fistful of Ren’s hair to lift his head for another kiss. Their lips collide and they can’t help but moan in unison--immersed in a trance until Kylo returns to his initial quest.

He plants kisses along his ribcage, going down until he stops and takes his time with Hux’s soft stomach. He slides his hands up his body meanwhile, until Hux takes one of his hands to bring it to his mouth. He moans when he tastes a finger, than then another, and so on until each of Kylo’s digits have been coated in spit. Their eyes meeting--pupils fat, gaze heady with pure unadulterated satisfaction.

Kylo purposely ignores the valley in between Hux’s legs, to his partner’s  dismay. “You bastard, get back there” Hux entones without any real malice, his words were but mere whispers, drenched with pleasure. Still, he eagerly lifts his legs and rests them on Kylo’s broad shoulders. One hand attempts to guide Kylo back to where he wanted by pushing the side of his head, while the other hand doesn’t break his hold on Kylo’s.

He  ignores Hux’s attempts to get his mouth on his cock--earning a throaty, annoyed moan from him--and gets back to his path of kisses, from his ankles to the inside of each milky thigh. He rests his temple on one of Hux’s legs, looking up to admire the man above him. His lower lip has turned a deep shade of red and become puffy from being forcefully bitten, his green eyes now almost black with lust, chest heaving in laboured breaths, painted a deep pink, goosebumps all over his skin. Every tiny detail that makes up Hux’s pleasure is enhanced by Kylo’s Force sensitivity.  

 _“Come on, Ren, come on come on come on…”_  those chants, the only thing he could hear when he skimmed Hux’s mind for feedback.

Hux frowned down at him and groaned in exasperation, clearly annoyed that Kylo had apparently taken a break to just stare at him. With no real threat, he demands “You either start getting my ass ready or you put that mouth on my cock but don’t you just stand there! Do something damnit-- _ohh..._ ” Hux immediately shuts up when the feels the thick, wet press of a meaty tongue at his entrance. He arches his back almost supernaturally and grabs the sheets to support himself--never able to stay still when he is being brutally devoured by Kylo like this, so deliciously--lips parting in a prolonged moan.

Kylo tightly squeezes his thighs, biting them roughly to try to bring his spine back down on the mattress before continuing his vigorous massage to Hux’s hole with his tongue. He lets his hands wander around long legs--back and forth until they settle on his stomach to keep Hux in place. He blows a hot puff of air on the skin between his entrance and his testicles, as one of his hands slowly makes his way to its prize--laying there, rock hard and waiting, precome leaking from the tip even if Kylo hasn’t even touched it yet. He lightly skims his fingers through the shaft while he continues to open Hux up, completely transforming him into a babbling mess of moans and nonsense.  A choir in his mind yelling, _“Yes, yes, so good, please go faster, please, yes...!”_ Desperate because of the unusually leasured pace they were taking tonight.

Kylo replaces the hand that had been stroking him with his mouth--teasing, timid flicks all over Hux’s cock, all the way to the tip where he wastes no time in drinking everything that Hux gives him. He encloses the whole length within the tight embrace of his lips. Mouth-watering heat surrounding Hux. As he bobs his head up and down, he summons with a wave of his hand the jar of lubricant they keep on their bedside drawer. He catches it mid air and proceeds to coat his fingers with liberal amounts--working them afterwards meticulously to fully open Hux, scissoring them inside him.

Fingers tighten in Kylo’s hair almost painfully--if Hux put any more pressure he was sure he would look up to find fistfulls of detached locks between his knuckles. “Enough, please, Ren, _please_ ” he pleaded, the last word turning into a guttural growl.     

Kylo wasn’t going to give in that easily. They had planned to make this last, hadn’t they? He crawls up his body and nuzzles the side of his neck, capturing Hux’s delicate earlobe between his teeth. He sighs right into his ear, Kylo’s deep voice generating vibrations that traveled all the way to his toes, “ _No_ …you think I’ll give you what you want just like that, hmmm? How badly do you want it?”

“Ren, _please”_

“Hmmm?” He kisses both corners of his mouth before facing him directly, lips so close but not clashing, eyes ablaze, daring. _“Ren”_ he pressed, nails digging, scratching angry, desperte marks on Kylo’s muscular back.

“ _Show me._ Show me how hungry you are for my cock or you’re not getting it”

Hux groans in annoyance, pushing Kylo off him to reverse their positions. He was always so fed up from Kylo’s ridiculous attempt at dirty talk. Eager to shut him up, Hux, ever the selfish lover, ignored the glorious, wide expanse of Kylo’s chest to dive straight to business. He’d have time to worship his chiseled front later, but now he was really getting impatient. This huge craving killing brain cells, apparently.

His nose nuzzles the soft patch of black pubic hair that contrasts so beautifully with his pale skin--so charming, showered all over with black moles that map galaxies on him.

He pours lube all over his length and hurriedly strokes him, not so much to give pleasure but to ensure that that thing will not hurt him _that_ much when he fucks him. Before Kylo can even protest that this wasn’t the deal Hux climbs up on top of him and seals their mouths to shut him up, just as he guides that thick cock right inside him. No matter how prepared they are the intrusion always burns thanks to the sheer size of Kylo. It stretches him and it burns him, and it fills him, deliciously so, and they both groan into their mouths in ecstasy.

He cradles Kylo’s head in his hands when he starts to ride him --lovingly at first but his pace quickly evolves into rapturous thrusts--no longer quiet; laboured breath increasing in volume, Hux’s eyes pinched closed although Kylo keeps his wide open. Doe eyed, brows furrowed, hypnotized by his lover’s face and movements.

Soon, Kylo is flipping him again, weight crushing, legs wrapping around his back, locking him in. He bends Hux’s body completely as he starts pistoning more aggressively into him. They bump their foreheads together and try their hardest to kiss, but the speed with which Kylo’s pounding him takes all of his effort, so he can’t quite manage to _kiss_ properly, only to press lips lazily and exchange breaths.

He finds the strength to accelerate his pace even more, strong legs already starting to ache, but he ignores it in favour of making Hux scream, for he is hitting his prostate so hard, so good that Hux is tensing up, holding on to Kylo’s shoulders, panting from the effort of not letting go just yet. “Ren, Ren, Ren, Ren, Ren, right _there,_ _Ren..._ "  

Even finding a coherent reply takes so much of his stamina. “You like that?”

“Yuh... _yes,_ yes! Ren, I’m…”

“Wait, wait, don’t come yet, don’t come… _Hux_ …”  He uses the Force to conjure the two oblong vials that they had to hand in, struggling to grasp it in his trembling hand.

It takes so much of his willpower to slide out of Hux when his tight heat gripped him so heavenly. He strokes Hux quickly, aiming the vial with his other hand in front of Hux’s tip. “Come on baby, come on…I want you to come…Right here…”

It was all Hux needed to finally let go, pleasure radiating right from his toes up to his chest, a pleasant ache in his heart that made his vision go blank and his body contort. The mere sight was enough to tip Kylo almost over the edge as well. Once he manages to capture Hux’s semen inside the vial he tosses it aside carelessly and shoves the other one in his partner’s hand.

Hux mimics Kylo, stroking him just as urgently even in his state of blinding bliss--but before letting Kylo unwind he finally kisses him properly, with so much passion- so overwhelming that Kylo cannot hold on anymore. “Come on, dear boy...come on...do it”   

Endearments, coming from someone as cold and sharp as Hux always did it for him. It truly was a sign that Hux had been fucked so good, so right that everything that made him, crumbled down, leaving him sweet and sated. Completely transformed.

Kylo comes with a long, resonating groan as he shoots his come right into the vial, some drops jumping and missing it, landing instead on Hux’s navel.  

They lie there in silence for a while, catching their breaths, foreheads sticking together with sweat, Kylo’s weight on top of Hux.  Until they suddenly remember that the vials had been tossed aside, so unimportant.

“You idiot, look what you did. Everything will spill out, grab them” So Hux was back. Although his words were laced with a tired delight, not really insulting him with any malice at all. “You need to put them in the box they came in…Adjust its temperature too, hurry. Or it’ll dry out and it’ll be worthless”

Kylo, with great effort, stands up to do as he’s told before eagerly slumping down on the bed again. Their sheets are now damp and  heady with the musk of sweat and sex. Kylo cuddles in close to Hux, enveloping him in his tired arms, nose nuzzling the back of his neck. He skimms Hux’s mind but all he can hear is static, and the energy all around them is buzzing with pure satisfaction--so warm and pleasant. A confession passes through their shared bond, unnamed but there. They don’t voice it. They don’t voice their insecurities either, their doubts. They don’t acknowledge tomorrow's events--what might transpire on the _Avalon._

They let sleep take them, Hux lulled by Kylo’s breath behind him, his warm palms enclosed in his in a firm grip. Kylo accommodates his cheek deep in his partner’s hair, a cherished pillow.

And he fades, pleasantly into unconsciousness. His dreams undisturbed that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see the end for more notes/warnings

The _Avalon_ looked as any other First Order ship on the outside. It had a resemblance to an old Imperial freighter, a _Gozanti_ -Class Cruiser, only smaller. It had to be, for it was for Snoke’s use only. Kylo and Hux see its form in the near distance, themselves on a discreet shuttle of their own.

Their faces reflect on the window of the shuttle as they look on. Gazes meeting, or more specifically--Hux’s eyes fixated solemnly on the visor of Kylo’s helmet. They didn’t speak much on the way to the clinic, in fact they didn’t speak at all. They had woken up before dawn, before the rest of the crew aboard _The Finalizer_ began their work cycle. They had rose up pleasantly sore but immediately groggy--skin sticky and greasy from last night’s affairs, joints and muscles stiff from exertion.

They had showered and dressed in complete silence. They were like that sometimes, when they were too caught up in their own minds and the amount of pendings they had to take care of was too abundant. On this morning though, something else kept them quiet. Something tense in the air. A discomfort in their guts, which neither of them acknowledged.

After their shuttle lands safely into the docking bay of the _Avalon,_ they were escorted by two nurses porting pristine white lab coats with First Order insignias, to meet their appointment.

Now, the inside of the ship was another story. Where they were accustomed to inhabit crafts with grey durasteel inside and many walls painted in red, black and grey, the halls of the _Avalon_ were all white and the lighting was way too bright. To say it was giving them a headache would be putting it mildly.

The head doctor to oversee the procedure was called Dr. Derks Vigil. A Pantorian male, meaning that he was corpulent, his skin tinted a light blue and his neatly cut hair was white. He also wore a white lab coat, as well as glasses that looked way too small for his face. Hux was reminded instantly of Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Empire, since it was an unspoken tradition that individuals in places of power among Imperials and now, The First Order, were human and not alien--these two man being exceptions. Although Thrawn was Chiss and not Pantorian, meaning that unlike Thrawn, Dr. Vigil had normal brown eyes instead of red and his skin was of a lighter shade.

“General, Lord Ren, what an honour.” He stands up from his sitting position behind his desk and greets the commanders with a slight bow of his head. One of the nurses that had led them to the Doctor’s office was carrying the box with their vials and she hands it to Vigil before promptly retiring to a room next door.

“Let’s get to it, shall we?” Says Vigil without further preamble. Hux appreciates the straightforwardness while Kylo was unnerved by Vigil’s distant demeanor and strict tact--being in hospitals and around medics has never been a walk in a park for him personally.  

They all sit in the doctor’s office and Kylo and Hux observe Vigil curiously; he takes each vial and lifts them up to his eye level to examine their consistency. When he’s done, he proceeds to explain, “Very well”

“Everyone on my team has been briefed and our equipment has been fully prepared. It’s uncommon, this request from the Supreme Leader, but it can and will be done, of course. Snoke had spoken about this _way_ back--we’ve been developing this technology for almost a decade now. it’s been tested and ready to use it on the real thing.”

A  _decade_? Snoke had been planning this for at least a decade? Kylo had already become his apprentice by then. Had he planned all of this from the very beginning? Kylo’s mind drifts off for a second, wondering on the intentions behind every thing he has done under his master’s guidance and his personal, ulterior motives hidden from Kylo even as he bared every last bit of his soul to him. He could not help but feel a bit unstable at the moment, _plus,_  the bleached aspect of the clinic did not help his unease _at all_ \--his dizziness incrementing by the second.

There was another image briefly passing through his mind, as fast as lightspeed while thinking of Snoke: a purple lightsaber, swiftly twirling in the air.

The same dread that passed through Kylo’s mind was materializing in Hux as a visceral feeling. He felt like a pawn in someone else's game. How had it been possible that this had been in the works for that long? Had Kylo and Hux been chosen then? Or their place in all of this had been just a sick twist of fate? Falling into the mouse’s trap like idiots.

Years of excellent training allowed them both to remain completely stoic while their insides were turning into knots of pure anxiety as the doctor kept going over the procedure.

“Although I must say that his demand was poorly supported on one end. He requests a child with force sensitivity and a strategic mind and we can indeed maintain the high count of midichlorians from Lord Ren’s genes but intelligence is a different matter. It’s not a singular entity, more like--a nature/nurture kind of fenomena, you see.”

“Outside stimuli is a great factor on a mind’s development, so while we can ensure that it takes after the General’s own kind of critical thinking patterns and problem solving skills, the external stimulations and impulses the child receives during its development will shape up the kind, or _kinds_ of intelligence it will potentiate. It does have to do with inheritance mostly, but, do take into consideration how to exercise the kid’s mind when it’s under your care, to meet the Supreme Leader’s approval.”

“These are all just technicalities, to clear up some things unsaid by the Supreme Leader. So. What else? Let’s see. The duration will be just the same as a natural gestation. Could be a month earlier if the machine does it’s job efficiently so let’s anticipate that the birth will occur in eight standard months, approximately.”

“As I said, the process will be quite similar in certain ways, but some parts, mostly during the first stage, we intervene with our equipment. The womb for example is artificial.”

“The _cocktail,_ so to speak” and the Doctor laughs at his own inside joke as he says it, “of genes, we’ll manipulate ourselves as well. You notice we’re lacking the normal elements we would need for a fertilization, so we’re gonna have to carefully select and mix in components extracted from the samples you have given us to achieve the conception. This process also allows us to discern certain qualities that we were instructed to keep, such as the midichlorian count like we’ve said before.”

“It’s all carefully engineered so you needn’t worry with any malfunctions on the subject. Everything is designed so that we have substitutes for our limitations”

They internally cringe. Malfunctions on the _subject?_

“Let’s take these to the lab--the Birth Lab as we call it, and I will further explain.”  

They all rise from their seats and Dr. Vigil leads them through a room they somehow hadn’t noticed on their way too the doctor’s office, in their uneasiness and need to go through this quickly. Through tall, glass windows they can see some kind of machine built into the wall. Once they enter, the same two nurses that had greeted them stand in disposition to the doctor’s instructions.

Now they could clearly see each detail that made up the  apparatus on the wall. It was a sort of panel--like one found in any other starship, with multiple buttons and levers of various sizes and colors. On its very center there was a large sized window pane from which a sort of enclosed tank could be seen within, and inside that tank, a deflated kind of sac with a single cord floating around in some unknown liquid.

On each side of the tank there were multiple, wide tubes containing different coloured liquid--some were pumping bubbles inside of them, and others appeared to be of a  viscous quality, like some sort of mucus--each one with cables on top of them, which connected to the seals of the tank. The first tubes on each side of the tank were smaller than the rest and had tiny, black screens beside them--like a couple of smaller datapads. Separated from the machine, on the center of the room, there was a black screen protruding from the built in machine, that appeared to be some sort of monitor.

“Very well, gentleman. Let’s begin. I’ll sum it up for you. I don’t want to take much of your time so I’ll just go ahead and give an overview of what is about to happen on this first step”

“See this tubes?” He points to the ones that have their own screens beside them. “We will place each of your samples of semen in here.”

He does as he says with each one and then presses a few buttons. A low hum of an engine starts, the viewing screens coming to life but remaining on hold. “So you see. We’ve turned the system on so we can examine each of your samples. The machine has been programmed already to look for certain characteristics to aid the process of discerning each espermatozoide. Once we have the final one-- _the winner,_  we will be able to see your DNA chains on the screens right here.”

“Once your info appears on the screen we’ll be able to pluck what we need from by selecting it on the screen. Almost like ordering from a menu. We just need to alternate a few elements here and there, and the machine will mix in the rest--like an algorithm; we just need to command a few, very specific elements and the rest will accomodate”    

Kylo and Hux were, utterly, _totally,_ dumbfounded. So much, that during the whole show they had remained quiet and attentive, letting Doctor Vigil speak. Neither had any interest in human pregnancies to begin with, so to learn how a machine could produce a living being from extracts of _them_ was astonishing. And on another hand, unsettling.

Unsettling because even after having it explained to them, they were skeptical on how this would work out. They felt like they were tempting fate with this mad science, all in favor of the Supreme Leader’s grand plan. At this point, they feel as if this is the tipping point of something that would not, by any means, end well for them.

The doctor kept explaining some thing or another but they were so caught up in their own minds that they couldn’t help but to hear the last part only. “So you see. Once everything is set, the rest will happen on its own accord and we’ll soon have a growing fetus. Any other questions questions?”

Kylo had remained silent throughout this whole ordeal, letting Hux speak whenever something needed to be cleared up. “No, doctor, I trust you and your medics will carry out the procedure accordingly. All in Supreme Leader Snoke’s best interest, no doubt. So you say it’ll all be done in eight months?"

“Precisely, General. We encourage you to make monthly visits too, if wish, to personally see its progress. Everything will be carried out with discretion, of course. Only me and my team have access to this room.”    

“Excellent.”   

After everything had been programmed and explained, without further ado, the doctor left the nurses to see to the machine while he walked Hux and Kylo back to the docking bay where their shuttle was. He repeated his remark about coming back on board to see to the fetus’ progress, as well as adding that they would be sending the General an alert on his datapad on the day of the delivery operation.

Both parties bowed in farewell. The commanders turned to the ramp of their shuttle and ventured inside their ship, both eager to leave that sickly clinic behind them at last.

\----

The flight back to the _Finalizer_ was just as quiet and tense as it had been when they had been heading to the clinic. Sitting side by side, Hux staring at the window and Kylo’s gaze--helmet off this time--aimed at nothing in particular.

“Any advances on the map?” Hux breaks the silence. Only mildly interested about the damn map at the moment. He is, but he had other things in mind --frivolous matters in comparison really--but he couldn’t quite shake those thoughts away. He did not want to admit how stunned he was by what they had just done. Where they’ve been, what they’ve seen. It all seemed so surreal, and he has seen quite a fair share of unusual situations in his time--him being responsible or having been stuck in the middle of them more than once. In a flash, sudden memories of his childhood rush through his mind--memories of armies of children, slaughtering each other by his command at an alarmingly young age. He pushes past those images and focuses on the present. It’s not proper for a military man to let his mind wander, specially not in the past.

“We have it. It’s in the archives. The ones from the Empire. We’re only missing one piece of it.”     

“Ah.” How he hated when he was on the end of the other’s foul mood and not the other way around. If Ren was as virtuous in the art of mind reading as he flaunted, could he not detect when Hux wasn’t seeking lame small talk? That he was tense and yearning for the slightest bit amenity? Even still, without asking for too much, he should just simply sense that he was expecting a more detailed reply--he abhorred having to pry words out of people. He appreciated precise answers. Fuck him, honestly. _“And?_ Any leads on where it might be?”

“I’m on it”

As they talked they did not face themselves, until that last bit. Incredulous and quite frankly, plain exasperated, he turns to Kylo with a stern look and doesn’t say anything, expecting the ice in his eyes to convey the message that he wasn’t playing around. Kylo just rolls his eyes. Doesn’t even regard him as he speaks.

“Look, I need to meditate on it. A route will come to me, clues to follow, I just need to concentrate, relax. I’ll get the map in no time.”       

“Well. You want to end the Resistance as soon as possible, don’t you? I can’t conceive how that’s going to be possible by sitting cross-legged on the floor. Give me a break”

Kylo’s blood boils--cheeks hot, trying his hardest not to lash out at him. He despises being ridiculed and distrusted with matters of the Force. What did Hux know? He’s only ever good at yelling orders from the comfort of control rooms. Kylo is the one doing all the dirty work. Through clenched teeth he speaks. “I’ll get the map. Make sure that your precious machine won’t fail when the time is right. I’ll do the rest.”

“We won’t fail” He sounded so determined, so firm. Eyes focusing intently on Kylo, daring him to defy.

There were so many things implied behind that declaration: You won’t fail on finding the map, won’t hesitate on killing Skywalker. I won’t fail my men and neither will they. Starkiller won’t fail. We won’t fail each other. We won’t fail, we will end the Resistance. We won’t fail Snoke.

We won’t fail Snoke…we would not fail on what was expected of us-- _everything_. We cannot. We won’t fail on giving the Supreme Leader what he wants. And once that is achieved, _it_ won’t fail. The apprentice wouldn’t fail either. Their child wouldn’t fail… _Their_ _child…_

Hux turns and they return to their cold silence. Cold. Like the ice that ran through his veins with that last thought.

When they land back on their home cruiser, they both go their separate ways, without uttering single word to each other. Kylo resumes his meditation. Hux works from his office.  

They don’t even say anything when they return to bed.

                       ---

Three months. Three frustrating, long months until Kylo finally has a lead on the map. Or at least he thinks so. He says he can feel that he’s close but he’s not yet sure of the exact location of it. He tells Hux that he would need to be there on the field so that it can come to him more clearly.

Hux is of course, not satisfied with that. Annoyed, to put it mildly…Utterly _enraged._

Kylo assures him that once he embarks on the path that he had envisioned--on the road presented to him through the Force, he would _feel_ it. _Know_ it. Following his own initiative (An utterly chaotic one it is, according to Hux), he requests for his personal, _Upsilon-_ class command shuttle to be ready to leave on that same day.

And just like that he leaves. With no word or briefing on how he would carry out the operation, no approximate date on when he’d be back. Not even a personal farewell to Hux.

Hux is not affected by Kylo’s abrupt leave, in the least. He takes advantage of his absence so he can concentrate without any attachments and trivialities and he too, leaves the _Finalizer_ around three weeks after Kylo had left, to stay a few days on Starkiller and oversee and polish its final details to ensure it will function with optimal performance when the time comes. It was basically finished. He only needed the green light to fire it, after securing the location to Skywalker and the Resistance.     

He stayed at Starkiller for four days. The stress of going over every tiny detail meticulously did not permit him a good sleep--any sleep _at all_ : endless nights, tossing and turning, his mind still running like an engine with every task to be done. Plus, he still hadn’t received any word from Ren, not a single update on the map, midway through Kylo’s leave. Maybe he was back on their cruiser already and didn’t even had the decency to inform him. Typical. The uncertainty was driving him mad.

The days he did manage to sleep, it was brief, dreamless, hardly lasting more than two hours at best.

But, proud of his efficiency--having absolutely everything taken care of and ready, he returned to the _Finalizer_ on the evening of the fourth day of his stay at Starkiller. Calmer now that everything seemed to be going smoothly, after landing, he goes straight to his quarters and blacks out immediately as soon as his head hits the pillow.

                     ---

_He’s in a tunnel. Or so it seems. There’s no telling. Everything is black. There’s no clear sign on where a wall begins or ends. There’s no ceiling, there’s no floor. Black space and static all around him. Static that gets louder. Louder and louder until actual words seem to emerge from it._

_“Weak willed boy, weak willed boy, weak willed boy, weak willed boy” Words deforming, losing meaning, but getting louder still. Transforming and merging into the static._

_“Thin as a slip of paper, thin as a slip of paper, thin as a slip of paper…_

_...and just as USELESS”_

_That voice. He cringes. A voice that had been dead for years but never forgotten. Deeply ingrained in his mind, taunting him, pushing him._

_“USELESS, USELESS, USELESS” the word is clearer now. Piercing his ears, ringing, deafening. Sound all around him, enveloping him, choking him._

_“YOU’RE USELESS, ARMITAGE!” a sharp sting burns his cheek, a gigantic hand slaps him and he falls hard on a sharp surface. “YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A BASTARD” a face appears from the darkness. Green eyes, so familiar. Bloodshot eyes. It’s Brendol, it’s his father. Back from the dead, slapping him again. He suddenly feels trapped in his toddler body, so weak. As a slip of paper._

_He looks up again but is no longer Brendol he sees. It’s him. Same eyes, same ginger hair as his father but it’s him. Older. Bearded. Like his father, only thinner. He raises his hand and it collides again with a figure but suddenly the frame changes--the point of view changes and it’s not his younger self on the floor. He is looking down now._

_The figure beneath him looks up, and he is met with the same green eyes. Same built and age but it’s not him. A child looks up to him in fear, wide-eyed and trembling. The frame zooms in on the child’s eyes. Pure green, innocent. Black eyelashes. They were his eyes, but different._

_Suddenly that black realm crumbles, breaking in shards of glass. He seems lost in time. As if his body had frozen but his heart kept on accelerating--like running on the highest intensity level of a treadmill. There’s another voice._

_"...You will lead these children...They will serve you...” it was Gallius. As clear as water. The speech he was given by Gallius Rax all those years ago, when he had been shown the armies of children that were to be future stormtroopers. All his to command._

_“You will learn to do what he did...take their malleable minds into whatever shape you so require…"_

_The voice slowly begins to convert into static again. Each word a whisper, but somehow loud, like a whisper omitted through speakers. Like a secret, before fading away: “This is my gift to you…One day your father will die. And you will take his place..."_

_The last words echoing all around him._

_“You will take his place, you will take his place, you will take his place...”_

_White noise. White all around him instead of black. Light blinding._

_Children appear from the whiteness. In formation. He’s staring at them. He’s a young boy again._

_He knows this. Knows this memory. It was when it all changed. His first real taste of power. “You” he points to a child soldier. “Do you agree to do as I say? I want you to hit the boy to the right of you. Hard." Chaos all around him as he commands the children to abuse each other, laughing madly. Genuinely entertained._

_Thunder clashes with the scene in front of him. Rain splattering around him. Now he can detect smells--earth and faint smoke, dissolving in the rain.  He’s not sure when he got here. One second he was back at his Academy, the other he’s in the middle of a forest at night. Thunder lightening up the sky furiously._

_“NO!” he finds himself yelling, without even registering to what he’s opposing._

_He runs, his heart pounds so erratically he feels he might combust._

_He slumps to the ground, cradles a head between his arms. He is sobbing. It’s Ren. It’s Ren nestled within his arms, it’s Ren, but he is unconscious. He’s dripping blood from his abdomen. He’s dead, Ren is dead._

_Above him, a lightsaber buzzes with energy. A boot kicks him hard on the chest and he finds himself once again on the ground. Mud dirtying his face. He looks up._

_The last thing he registers is Gallius’ voice in his ear again, saying “You will take his place...”  Before a blade of purple light pierces through him._

_Next thing he knows he’s looking down at his own body, slumped on the ground, lifeless. But there was something odd. For a moment he could swear that it was not him, but his own father. Decaying on the floor, in the same position that_ he _had left him. On the night he got him killed._

_\---_

Hux wakes up brusquely, drenched in cold sweat, palms trembling. His chest was incredibly tight, heart racing, air coming up on short breaths. It’s in these critical moments where his military training kicks in on autopilot: breathe. Calm down. Breathe again. Unclench fists. Asses the situation. Take a course of action.

He quickly registers that he’s  in his own bed. Safe. it had been a nightmare, that was all. A very vivid, very frightening nightmare, but nonetheless, just a figment of his subconscious.

Further assessment indicated that his sheets had been ruined with sweat. Additional feedback: he was tired as hell. Drained. He relaxes on his bed again, uncaring of the mess he made, and closes his eyes.

He reaches for the space next to him but he doesn’t feel a warm body, it’s empty. He’s still alone.

He hugs the pillow next to him, so tightly, and buries his nose in it, taking a long and deep inhale. Ren had been apart from him for a month now. The sheets had been changed, washed, long stripped of any remaining scent of him.

But maybe if he inhaled hard enough he could still catch the slightest whiff of him.

Anything would have to do.

                    ---

Hux had been on edge on the days following his dream. On a whim--so unlike himself to act spontaneously--he decides to visit the _Avalon._ It’s also unlike himself to _assume_ solutions to very real problems. He figured it might be prudent to check up on the child’s development. After all it had been four months already. Why he thought that, he didn’t know. It was just a gut feeling.  

It was probably Ren’s influence on him. Thinking with his heart on his sleeve. Ren. that bastard.

It was easier to berate him in his mind than to accept that deep down he was worried sick. It was easier than to admit that he missed him, terribly. A yearning in his very entrails. An awful ache. What if something had happened to him, hence why he hadn’t made contact yet? It couldn’t be. The people he had taken with him _had_ indeed reported to the bridge, which is why he hadn’t send back-up yet. But that had been pretty early on. Input stopped coming approximately during the second week of their leave. Something must have happened. And now he was furious with himself for not taking matters into his own hands immediately--he had been so distracted. It was unacceptable. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hears a deep cackle, his _father’s_ \--laughing at his incompetence.

He pushed it aside and focused. He would fix this. If something happened to Kylo, he would raise hell.     

Before he left the Finalizer he ordered his second in command to start raising the alert that they had crew missing. He would do a quick check up at the _Avalon_ to ease his mind, and then he’d be back. 

                      ---

“Good to see you on such short notice, General. Welcome aboard.” Hux recognized the nurse from the first time they had come here. She was tall and svelte, finely boned, with deep brown skin and curly, lavender coloured hair pulled up in a bun. She didn’t introduce herself but the name tag on her lab coat read “Nicks”, her last name.

She leads him all the way to the Birth Lab, while explaining what has transpired from day one up until now.  

“As you know we’re on the sixteenth week, we’re on the beginning of the second trimester. You will be pleased to know that everything has gone perfectly and right on time. We’ve had no complications so far. Subject is in good health: height and growth appropriate for the stage we’re at. Only a few centimeters below the average numbers, but it’s completely fine.”

“Most of its internal organs are already fully developed and functioning too. Motor capacity is well, it can move now, and its facial gestures are more noticeable. It actually yawns, it’s quite funny to see”   

Hux is pleased with what he’s hearing for it seems to be nothing but good progress but for the life of him, he has no idea of how this process works beyond what the doctor had showed them last time. It was explained to him he hadn’t paid attention, figuring the only thing that mattered was that the child was delivered. On another note, he couldn’t quite shake his discomfort at listening to the nurse talk about the child as if it was an object, a science experiment. It _was,_ in a way, yes, but it was a _human being_. Bearing _his genes._  It was like listening to Snoke talking about it all over again.

Even worse, he loathed hearing the nurse refer to anything of his as _funny._  

They enter the Birth Lab. The tank is just as Hux had seen it, but now the tiny, red sac--a membrane--was enclosing a small figure bended on its own: a head, a curved and delicate spine, incredibly thin little arms and legs. Its umbilical cord floating within the liquid of the tank, going upwards into the orifice where it was connected. The tall tubes on each side of the tank pumping liquid and more viscous substances through it.  

Hux remains collected on the outside but by the Gods, he was _dying_ inside. Heartbeat speeding faster and faster--completely muting down whatever the nurse was saying.

As soon as he had entered the room he had felt a shift in the air, heavy and vibrating--pulling him into the tank where the baby lay floating. _The baby._  He had never thought of the child as a baby. _Their_ baby. It was suddenly all so real. He somehow had managed to forget that by the end, they wouldn’t have a fully grown child to hand in to Snoke. It would be in their care before that.

If it wasn’t enough, it seems that vibrating pull he had felt had bounced back and hit the tank, for the small fetus within suddenly turns as if to face Hux. As if it had recognized the energy of its father.

Hux was drawn to it. He needed to get a closer look. His current distance not letting him see the child with detail.    

The nurse, noticing the position shift of the fetus added, “Yes as you can see it can move. As I said its senses are developed.”

“The…the um...do we know the…”

“The gender? Ah yes, it’s a girl. It will have dark hair too, black possibly. Or a darker shade of brown it seems. It carries the gene that pigments the hair follicles dark, they’re starting to grow now too.”

“It passed the--”

 _“SHE"_ Hux cut her immediately. Firm and menacing, a tone reserved fo his subordinates when he gave orders. He was past his boiling point with this nurse talking about his _daughter_ in such a condescending matter. A mere thing to prod at. An unexpected wave of protectiveness washed over him that moment. He felt… _paternal._

“Excuse me, General?  

“She. it’s a girl, not an object.” If looks could kill…

“Of course, General. I apologize, General.”

“As I was saying, we already did the amniocentesis test. You’ll be pleased to know there are no chromosomal abnormalities. It--umm... _she_ is in perfect health.”

“Excellent.” Neither say anything for a short moment. Hux walks forward until the only thing separating him and the baby is the width of the tank’s glass pane.

He slowly places a hand on the glass--warm surface against his own palm--and the baby inside seems to grow a little more restless, trying to reach forward to meet Hux but the only thing she can manage is wiggling her little legs and arms a bit.

“I’ll give you a moment, General.”   _Yes, perfect, fuck off already_ , Hux thinks.

“You can talk to her, if you like. She will sense it.”   

 _Talk to her?_ He waits until the nurse has disappeared before inching even closer to his child. Almost pressing his forehead against the glass. He doesn’t talk to her right away. What could he say? With everything that had kept him busy the last months he hadn’t thought much about her, and he feels utterly horrible about it now. So what could he say? He feels so ridiculous.

“Hello darling” he whispers. Where had that came from? He wasn’t one to give away endearments like that. But it felt…right. No one was listening to him anyway. This could just be between them.

“Hello...” His lips couldn’t help but be pulled upwards in a smile. Slowly growing wider and wider the more he looks on, taking every single detail. Eyes wrinkling in a shy joy. A nervous laugh escapes him, too. “I’m your father…”

He’s aware that he’s treading on dangerous waters. He could not forget what the child’s destiny would be. But by _Force_ , he could not explain why he felt that saying that was important. As if he wanted her to remember who their fathers are, where she came from. He simply had never looked at anything this pure in the whole galaxy. And it had come from Ren and him. It was overwhelming--the contractions in his chest by looking at her.

“So they say you’ll have Ren’s hair. That’s a relief. That’s what I wanted, to be honest. With his dark curls you’ll look so regal, I am sure of it.”

“And you are, royalty. Your father is actually a prince, although he won’t reveal it--son of a princess of Alderaan. You’ll be our princess.”

“I hope you have his eyes, too. They’re so expressive. And beautiful...almond shaped. Deep brown, but I swear sometimes they seem golden.”

“You will be brilliant. So much better than us in every way.”   

He would’ve stayed for the remaining four months that the child had left inside the tank if it was up to him, but he couldn’t. It pained him but he had to get back and sort things out back at the _Finalizer._  He had found so much peace in here that had forgotten about the entire world outside.   

“I have to go now. I have to go find your idiot of a father who probably got himself captured. But I will find him, I swear it. And I will bring him to you. I’ll come back, and I’ll bring him along with me, I promise. He would love to meet you, little one.”

“Goodbye…”    

It’s with a deep pain that he retires his hand from the glass and leaves.

 _“It’s a girl”_ he thinks as he steps inside his personal shuttle. _“It’s a girl…”_

Midway on the flight back, a sudden bout of anxiety shakes him. The reason why he came here in the first place slowing returning to him in vivid flashes. Ren dead. Hux himself dead on the ground identically like his father. Whom he ordered to be killed.

 _“What if she kills us?”_ he thought. _“What if she kills us...”_

A loud and repetitive beep pulls him out of his thoughts.

It’s his holopad. He opened it immediately, activating the projection button.

“Sir” it was lieutenant Thannison. “Lord Ren and his crew of stormtroopers have been rescued.I have sent you the specifics of the operation on a written report. They’ve landed safely and are being sent to Medical as we speak”    

“Excellent, lieutenant, thank you. I will be landing shortly.”

“Anything you require upon arriving, sir?”   

“No, lieutenant that will be all. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, General”   

And with that, the transmission ended. He feels an enormous weight lifted off his shoulders and thanks every known deity for keeping Ren safe. That didn’t mean that big oaf wouldn’t be getting a piece of his mind as soon as he sees him in Medical. This stunt he pulled was not acceptable.

He also couldn’t wait to discuss with him what had happened. His nightmare, and his visit to the Birth Lab.

Kylo would know what to say… he’d know if the nightmare had any real significance. He’d know.

For now, he can’t help but feel jitterish--bouncing his leg up and down, anxiously. He couldn’t wait to be around his partner again.

                     ---

After approximately, twenty standard hours later, Ren was finally released from the bacta tanks. Hux had seen it all--had witnessed his partner suspended in healing liquid for what seemed like an eternity to him. During that time, the head doctor and nurses briefed him on Ren’s injuries while Hux listened attentively. He also read the written report on the whole rescue mission and made some mental points that he’d ask Ren about after he wakes.  

It had been paramount to put Ren in the tank, _immediately._ It had been those injuries which had kept him from contacting Hux all along. He had apparently broken most of his ribs, both legs and his right hand--what had kept him conscious all along, previous to his rescue, was a mystery to the doctors. He had some second degree burns and cuts all over his arms and legs but the worst part had been treated with the bacta. He now needed to spend at least a week in Medical for further observation and the doctor also prescribed him a series of healing exercises to bring him slowly towards a safe recovery. He would not be allowed into field missions for at least two months, if he kept up with his exercises regularly. Ren would be livid when he hears this.

When he was released from the bacta tank he had been cleaned up, put in a white medical gown and placed in bed. He had been covered in bandage from his sternum to his navel as well as his injured hand, and the nurses placed something akin to lycra leg warmers all over his thighs and calves. When everyone left the room, Hux surveyed him with detail.  

He looked so peaceful, all tucked in. His face was covered in recently healed cuts and bruises--deep purple fading into yellow spots coloring his left cheek and forehead. His chest rising and falling with calm breaths although a quiet whistle could be heard, possibly coming from somewhere along his throat or chest.

He can’t even sit down--he feels numb, absolutely paralyzed on the spot. Suddenly the stress he had been enduring until now showering his entire body. So he watches Ren in his sleep for a long while and tries to calm down.

When Kylo finally wakes up, the first thing he sees when he strenuously opens his eyes is Hux, still standing beside his bed--with a posture so stiff and bags under his eyes so deep he looked like a walking corpse.

“So what happened?” Hux demands after surveying him for a few seconds. Kylo feels chastised by Hux with that stare, though he can’t blame him. He really screwed everything up, but he would not admit it out loud just yet.

It takes every ounce of effort remaining in his body to gulp down saliva from his throat to speak--that simple action burns, even if he just spent countless hours inside that damn healing tube--his voice coming out as a throaty whisper.

“Don’t you know?”

“Of course I do. But I want to hear it from you, you insolent, incompetent idiot.”     

He can’t even be mad. Although in this state, Hux’s cutting demeanor deeply pains him. In his most desperate hours during the mission he had longed so furiously for his presence. In a wild moment of defeat induced by mania, he had been crushed by the mere concept of leaving this world without Hux to accompany him as he greeted death.

He sucks up every emotion passing through him--threatening to provoke tears--and begins retelling what happened, eyes burning and voice wavering.

“There were traps within the Force. They were put there by someone. Whenever I got close to some...landmark, that I had meditated over, I’d be pulled back. The path was so clear yet whenever I reached a specific point something knocked me back. I was being misled, even if I was at the right place. Like… sometimes it would feel like a trampoline, I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it. I’d reach a point and I’d be pulled back with the Force.”

“But I know someone was trying to cover their tracks. The map is in someone’s possession, it’s not buried under anything, not hidden inside a chest or whatever. Someone has acquired it and now I have to figure out who that is.”

“One of these traps led me into a cavern. For a moment I could see that piece of junk so easily, so clearly: it was underwater. But as soon as I reached my hand out to summon it, the Force pulled me in so brusquely that I hit myself with the rocks underneath. And it was as if someone was purposely shoving me over and over again against them. I found it in me to fight it back but I was in so much pain. The troopers I had with me saw and jumped in to get me out but the idiots messed all their gear up with the water so we could not communicate to the base--plus that place was messing up all our electric signals. We wasted the little fuel we had on the ship to try to send a distress signal, but as I said, the atmosphere on that planet was so weird.”

“I was in so much pain that they could not move me once they got me out of the water--I almost choke them all to death for trying.”

“I am embarrassed, Hux. I’ve been trained to endure much worse. And I let whoever did this, win.”

Hux takes a deep sigh while he contemplates what he just heard. He doesn’t take off his steely glare off him as he walks and sits on the chair beside Kylo’s bed. He tries his hardest not to sound contempt when he speaks, but really, even when he understands and acknowledges what Kylo went through, he can’t help but be annoyed at the time wasted. Even if he shared a small fare of the guilt, by not dispatching a rescue unit sooner. If there’s one thing he hates in this galaxy is time badly administered--specially in such critical times. This, on his and Ren’s behalf.

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You fail, you accept it and move on. Let this be the last time you do something like this, and quit acting like an overgrown child. Irresponsibility such as this cannot stand.”    

“I’m sorry, Hux” Kylo whispers softly. If there was something they never, _ever_ did was admitting defeat to each other out loud, so that spoke volumes of the amount of pain Kylo was under--emotional and physical alike.

“Don’t apologize. Just. Be careful, Ren. I don’t want to be Snoke’s punchbag the day something more drastic happens to you and I have to be the one to let him know.”  

Cautiously, Kylo grabs Hux’s gloved hand and holds on tightly. His thumb softly caressing his knuckles.

“Someone will see us” Hux tries to pull his hand away but Kylo relents, earning a resigned sigh from Hux--although he didn’t put much of a fight against it.

“What’s going on? You’re a ball of nervous energy. So loud it woke me up, what’s the matter?”  

After a silence that seemed to stretch on for hours, Hux’s frown burrowed contemplating on how to approach this before he speaks.

“Well. two things happened while you were away. I had a...dream. A nightmare to be more precise. I dreamt about…certain moments of my childhood. But. The dream morphed into your own. The one with the woman. I saw her just as you described. Purple lightsaber, black robes. I held you, dead in my arms and then she killed me too.”  
“But the disturbing thing was, there were moments in the dream where Brendol would appear and I’d soon find myself transforming _into him,_ even in death. How awful is that.”

“After the dream I had the sudden impulse to see how everything was going at the _Avalon._ And…I saw our child, Ren.”

“I saw _her_.”

At this, Kylo tenses and presses his hand more tightly to Hux’s. Some sort of revelation washing over him like ice cold water.  “The vision…”

“Yes, Ren. It was all so painfully obvious, really. You don’t have to be a mystic to figure it out. And you talk about visions coming true and what not, I get it. But… when I saw her.... It can’t be. You have to see it for yourself.”

“I felt…so empowered for a moment. So linked with this creature, immediately smitten. That it can’t possibly be true. I… You will feel it too. I promised her I would take you. Apparently you can talk to her at this stage and she hears, can you believe it?”

“So I need you to tell me what you think. What you make of all of this, I know you’ve tried to warn me before that you could sense that something’s not right but I need _facts_ , Ren, all this speculation is driving me insane. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think, Ren. Once we go to her again, we need to talk about it. For now let’s just…rest. You need to rest. I should leave now anyway, I’m not making any sense.”

Hux stood up but Kylo didn’t release his hand. Instead he reached for the seams of the glove and swiftly pulled it off. Finally, the contact he had been yearning--his lover’s warm palm against his own. His long and and boney fingers interlocking with his own in a tight fist. With this, he felt like he could breathe normally again--the strain on his chest long gone.

“Stay" he pleaded.

“Someone will see us, Ren” he remarked again, sternly.

He reaches closer and gingerly removes his hand from Ren’s, to softly place it instead on his cheek. He leans down and places a lingering kiss on his forehead. His kiss expressing how much he desires to stay but they cannot be discovered. He was yearning for an overdue rest in the comfort of his own bed anyway.

Kylo nods in understanding and places his hand above Hux’s where it rested on his cheek, trying to milk every last bit of warmth he could from Hux’s closeness like this.

“I’ll meditate on what you’ve told me. Let’s not worry about it for now.” He places both of his hands on Hux’s temples--sad, worried eyes meet pools of green--an unspoken understanding passing between the two of them.

With that, Hux leaves, and it takes a long while before Kylo can close his eyes again and find sleep. The engines in his mind turning, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle in his brain together with this new information that Hux had given him as well as what they had learned in the clinic--the thing about Snoke.

They’d seen two parts of the same vision. Their fate intertwined and tied by a delicate string at the hands of a green-eyed woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The medical talk is pure fiction! I'm no expert in human pregnancies but I did mixed in what I researched with fictional elements. To nail down all the technical stuff was super hard for me, specially because english is not my first language.  
> There is a nightmare scene where Hux sees glimpses of his past, so there are mild descriptions of abuse.


	3. Chapter 3

Loud, frantic sighs--inhaling and exhaling, quickly and slowly, turning into desperate pants--were the only sounds that could be heard within their bedroom; their private, holy space where they could lose themselves until the only thing coming from their mouths were wanton moans. The bedroom was dark, lights set on two percent for it was well into the night cycle, but it was enough so that their eyes could accommodate perfectly to see their glowing skin, shapes stumbling around in glorious moves--heat increasing proportionally to the nature of their doings in their otherwise cold room.

It’s music to their ears, the sound of sheets rustling--loud noises of mouths sealing on mouths and skin, groans that become more resonant, deep from within chests, moans that could either be of pain or pleasure.       

“Tell me if I hurt you” exhales Hux. Kylo loudly gulps and nods--he was laying on his back, his head and upper back propped on several pillows. Even like this, enduring the last vestiges of stiffness and pain from his injuries, he looks enticing; hair wild from having been tousled while kissing, chest gleaming with sweat--the sheets beneath him sticking to his damp back--eyes dazed, drunk in awe at the sight of Hux so inhibited above him.

“It’s okay…it’s okay, it’s _okay--ohh..._ _Hux_ …” he whispers, Hux’s name coming out as a mere whisper, drenched in pleasure--for in that moment, his lover had delicately grabbed his length to guide it into him slowly, gingerly, until he bottoms out and they both groan in relief, having been deprived of this for far too long.

Hux closes his eyes and tilts his head back with a long groan, marvelling at the feeling of Kylo buried deep inside him--how he had missed this! After regaining some sense, he lifts his hips back a bit--feeling every inch of his lover’s cock moving upwards--and is mindful not to lean too much weight on Kylo’s legs or chest. He inches closer to him and supports himself on the pillows--each hand beside Kylo’s head--and starts to move, slowly, carefully, down...and then up...and down again, and so on. Pace languid and unhurried in case he hurt Kylo; each of them basking in the exquisite way they felt when they were like this, together enveloped in their warm sheets.     

Kylo had spent one week stuck at Medical, growing insufferable each day. One week until the doctors released him, not without emphasizing the importance of his daily recovery exercises and him taking his meds at the appropriate time.

They had anticipated a much wilder reunion. Fast and hard and all over the place but even if Kylo wouldn’t admit it, the pain he was in was evident, so they had to make do.

On the very night of his release, they had tried with the condition that Hux do all the work--to both of their dismay. They were not even halfway through making out before Kylo had begun to feel lightheaded, and not in a pleasant way.

They waited a couple of days and then tried again but to no avail. So they stopped, settling for quiet and tranquil make out sessions before bedtime. Kylo successfully managed to drag himself everyday to the training rooms to do those tedious, old-man exercises (as he liked to call them).  Soon, a month had passed and they had gotten as far as hand jobs until Kylo started panting from the effort of trying to manage Hux’s weight on top of him when they wanted to go further.   

They were miserable, yes, but they knew that they could not compromise Kylo’s health by indulging in this. So he kept his routine, took his meds, and acted like a responsible adult for once (as Hux liked to say every time he would nag him) for as long as the doctors had indicated, although he was truly getting more and more restless as the days passed. Hux had to calm him down with blowjobs, of course.

So now they were here again, back at it, properly, after two torturous months.

They finish at the same time, cries in harmony, with exchanged breaths and drops of sweat rolling down their bodies. They feel echoes of tiny contractions of pleasure all along their bodies as they even out their breaths--their ardent energy subsiding to a sated lull.

Hux collapses beside Kylo, and gently cradles his head to pull his mouth to him. They kiss for a glorious eternity, hands passionately grabbing at each other’s faces, tongues battling it out until they slowly come back down from the high again, noses touching and eyelashes tickling cheeks.

They lie there with their eyes closed for a bit, without untangling from their embrace, until Hux speaks first. He whispers, still paranoid about Snoke intruding into their private moments.

“Do you think you feel well enough to go to the clinic?”

“The clinic?”

“Yeah, you know. To see her”

Hux had been pestering Kylo about this almost daily. There was just something visceral within him that pushed him to it. He had already made a promise to her, even in this early stages of her growth. She wouldn’t even remember it, would not hold it against him at all, but _he_ would. He had promised that he’d take Ren to her, and he could not go back on his word. It was important, meaningful. He felt that if he didn’t comply, it would lead to the first steps into becoming his own father, and that was unacceptable. It was a sort of personal test for Hux.

Where Hux seemed determined, Kylo on the other hand, always appeared to be hesitant every time Hux brought the subject up. They were both nervous as the date of the birth approached, but Kylo could not bring himself to acknowledge that they were going to be fathers soon. It even felt wrong to consider themselves as _fathers_. Really, they would be guardians until the child was ready to be delivered to Snoke. But aside a conflict with the term, he felt that he would doom the poor thing just by touching her--failing therefore to fulfill the orders from his master. How the tables had turned, for Kylo was the one originally pleading Hux to go rogue.

“Yeah, of course. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow. After our meeting with Snoke.” even saying his name in here felt like a bad augury. Hux stares at him to detect any hint of uncertainty and Kylo knows this look, so he kisses him firmly on his forehead before repeating.

“Tomorrow.”

And they both drift to sleep, wrapped up in each other. A promise lingering in the air.

                     ---  

“YOU FOOLS!”   

Even for a hologram, Snoke’s raspy voice reverberates through the walls of the holochamber--the sound of his fists furiously collapsing on the arms of his throne coming out as a sharp, resonating thud--so loud that the vibrations ricochet painfully on their ears, and the intensity of it makes them stumble on their feet.

“It is _beyond me,_ how you two can be so _INCOMPETENT!"_  Snoke’s powers seem to transcend the properties of a holo transmission, for he extends his hand and in the blink of an eye they both violently lift off into the air and come crashing down on the wall opposite Snoke--they both struggle to contain their groans of pain as they fall but Kylo couldn’t help but let out a restrained whimper--for he had landed straight onto his still tender back.  

“Why do I even bother to keep you two _imbeciles_ on places of power!”

“Rise up _now_!” And they stand with great effort--limbs still pulsing from their painful blow, and walk towards the center of the room with a false sense of determination.

“Do you think I had been _blind_ to your _ineptitude_ all these months!?

 _“No..."_ With that, Snoke’s voice hushes down in a threatening tone. “No, I had been _waiting_ …waiting for either of you _cowards_ to come to me but you’re so weak you can’t even face your ruler. I had been observing you two, watching you as you so _unashamedly_ neglected your duties, wasting all this time. And for _what!_?”

“Supreme Leader” Hux projects his voice as firmly as he can, almost daring Snoke to break him further. He would not yield yet. “Notwithstanding, the weapon has been completed and Lord Ren has a--” Hux’s blood boils and ears ring when Snoke interrupts him.

 _“Notwithstanding?”_ He snickers. “The time you’ve wasted will not be recuperated! We could’ve crushed the Resistance by now! how dare you disrespect me like this, General!? Such _infantile_ words.”

“Master” Ren intervenes, playing brave even though he was quaking with fear inside. “The map has been heavily guarded within The Force. I followed your teachings but it did took me too long to uncover its tracks and even then, I came upon _more._ I had been trapped, master, weakened. And I sustained my injuries upon my return. I am responsible for this.”    

Kylo stares directly into his master's eyes--like an obedient child awaiting the hard discipline he so deserved after going astray.

Through Kylo and Snoke’s minds, a current of gruesome thoughts were cruising  through in an exchange. From Kylo’s end, a plead: “ _I was weak, master...I was weak...I slipped from your guidance--forgive me, master…_ ” And somewhere on the back of his mind, silent and a bit more shielded: _“It wasn’t Hux’s fault, it was mine.”_ While Snoke was taunting, _“were you not trained, boy? Have you not yet learned to potentiate your strength...your raw power? Be mindful, my boy...if you keep feeding this reckless behaviour...you might not live to tell the tale…"_

Hux is shivering with contained, desperate energy as he looks on the scene before him: Kylo in a mental battle with Snoke, the air becoming dense with anticipation.  He loathes it, the fact that he has no control over either of them-- _abhors it,_ and wants to crawl out of his skin right there and then. Snoke seems to sense this and finally breaks his focus from Kylo and turns to him.

He solidly regards him for a few seconds--although they seemed to stretch on into full minutes--not uttering a single word, simply seizing him up with his calculated glare.

Hux could've sworn that he saw the brief instant in which a darkly amused gleam passed through his sunken eyes. “Leave us.”

He halts. Incredulous that he was getting off the hook just like this when it was clear that they were both equally to blame, and therefore, apprehension drips from his voice as he dismisses himself, “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

He walks out of the holochamber.

The automatic gates were just inches apart before closing fully when a rapturous, guttural scream roars from inside the room. Hux freezes on the spot outside the doors then, by an invisible force--completely paralyzed as he was obliged to listen to Kylo’s strident cries of pain.

Hux could only close his eyes and try to will the images of Kylo being tortured out of his mind. Chest too tight with helplessness and teeth threatening to break from being clenched.

As soon as he feels himself being released from his previous hold, he hurriedly retires to his quarters--heart aching with worry, for he could still hear Kylo in agony as he had begun to walk away.    

                       ---

Hux was still agitated several hours later since he walked out of the holochamber. He had been working from the privacy of his own rooms, legs and shoulders jittering--not quite shaking off his unease.

Unanticipatedly the doors open and in bursts Kylo, _barking_ out of nowhere, _“ARE WE GOING NOW?”_

Hux stands up at once and responds him just as miffed, “And going WHERE, _exactly!?_ ”

“You’ve been bugging me about it for weeks and now all of a sudden you have _amnesia!?”_

Hux rolls his eyes and he brushes Kylo aside with a wave of his hand, “Just look at the state of you! You’re in no shape to go anywhere!”

It went without saying that Kylo had returned looking even more crippled and miserable than before: he was sporting fresh bruises all over his temple and his eyes were red-rimmed as if he had been crying endlessly, not to mention the fact that he had come in yelling madly and was limping around in circles around the room. It was like watching a sick but spoiled kid throwing away a tantrum because he didn’t like the flavor of his medicine but couldn’t escape from taking it.

“How can you know!? You’re not the boss of me!” Kylo screamed, dramatically.

“DON’T RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!” Hux yelled back, looking at Kylo with a murderous glare of his own and walking up to him--face mere inches away from him. “I’m _not_ Snoke”

That seemed to have struck a nerve and he finally got Kylo to shut up, so so he continued, “You think I did not hear?”

“Well!? _Did you!?”_ Kylo actually looks stricken, at last. Falls silent to Hux’s scolding. He did know. He knew it the second he looked back to his master and an entertained, deformed little grin was plastered all over his face--always delighted to play their subordinates against each other.  

Moreover, he himself had felt Hux’s fear outside of the room. As tangible as his own.

“Take some rest, we’ll go first thing tomorrow”

“ _No_ ” Kylo retorted with the same whin tone as before but catched himself at sensing Hux’s distress from earlier, with the added weight of Kylo’s tantrum to top it off. He calmed down a bit before continuing, “No, you already made the appointment, let’s go.”  

“You said that you felt different when you saw her. I need it. I need that right now. So let’s go.” That was true--Hux had told him that he had felt a deep serenity in her presence. So if it was as Hux had said, that’s exactly what he needed at the moment.

“Go lie down” Hux said, his tone equal parts annoyed but genuinely concerned for his well being. “When you’re calm, we’ll go”

So he does as told--goes to lie on their bed and pulls Hux’s pillows to him, trying to regain his senses by inhaling the lingering scent of him on the soft fabric, but by no means does he manage to quench his nervousness. First Snoke and now _this_ \--the very moment he had been trying to avoid.  

He closes his eyes for a long time, but tranquility never comes--anxiety spiking when Hux announces that their shuttle is ready to leave.

                     ---

He manages to remain quiet on their way to the clinic, mostly for Hux’s sake, but he’s no less fretful. The closer they approach their destination, the more fidgety he becomes. He had taken off his helmet because he was feeling inexplicably claustrophobic in it and now every emotion passing through him was as clear as water on his expressive face.

He was turning his head from the window of the shuttle and back, stealing glances beside him at Hux to find him staring straight ahead. Eyes at the window looking out into space, and then gulping nervously before looking at his feet. The same way and back, and so on, again and again.

Until Hux calmly takes his hand in his without saying anything. Kylo looks down to their linked hands, trying to reason with himself, and squeezes Hux’s hand tighter while closing his eyes.

He has his eyes closed when he feels it. They’re mere minutes away from their destination and he feels it. A timid pull--a tiny change in the atmosphere as they approach the clinic. He quietly gasps and tightens his hold on Hux’s hand even more. Hux looks at him but Kylo had already turned to the window again, seeing _The Avalon_ in the near distance. He swears he can feel a hushed echo of a heartbeat, far away. He thought it was his own, beating so loudly that the sound had managed to surpass his body, but no. It was another, gently calling to him.

He’s tense all the way to the Birth Lab as they’re led there by Nicks, the nurse that had received Hux the last time. He has his helmet back on but how he wishes he had forgotten it back at their ship--he’s suffocating. Drowning with the sound of the heartbeat thudding louder and clearer as he gets closer. The gentle pull he had felt now a strong magnet, moving him on autopilot--the aid of the nurse wasn’t even needed for him to find his way.

And then he stands right in front of the door, not daring to look through the windows just yet. The sound of the heartbeats stop, and the magnitude of the pull he had felt now diffusing all around him.

They walk in and the nurse starts to speak. “We’re just a month away, commanders. Growth is going just perfectly, we’ve had no complications as of yet--height and weight are just right, organs functioning too”

“We can see on the monitor its--” and she swiftly corrects herself before Hux can shoot her on the spot or even kill her right then with the death glare he shot her as she said that. “We can check the child’s vitals, as well as the countdown for how many days she has left inside the artificial womb on our monitor here” And she points to the control panel on the center of the room. “We will be sending you an alert on your datapads when we’re down at three hours left, on the day of the labour, so you can can arrive just in time for when the operation starts.”

“After your visit, you might want to come into our office. The doctor is not here, but me and my partner would like to give you some information for things you might want to start buying to be prepared ahead of time, like clothes and such, but specially food--more specifically, reserves of formula to substitute breast milk”

“Yes, that’s good. Will you excuse us? Hux demands.

“Of course, General. Lord Ren”

As soon as the nurse walks out, Kylo takes out his helmet and unabashedly throws it at the floor. His hair is in disarray from his helmet, and his eyes widen in amazement. He looks like a madman to Hux, completely hypnotized--like he’s about to combust.

He can’t even discern one out of the ample variety of emotions that are quickly passing through Kylo’s eyes so he remains quiet and watches as he walks towards the tank in a trance.

Kylo automatically places both hands right on the warm glass and is overcome with a feeling he could not quite name. He was flooding in tumultuous sentiment. So he closes his eyes and presses his cheek to the tank, letting whatever that thrill was made of, shower him completely.

Some time along the way, uncontrolled and unexpected tears started to fall, unnoticed until he felt the wet trails that the warm drops had left behind when they rolled down his cheeks. He was so immersed, glued to the tank, feeding off this energy--an energy that seemed to be singing in pure happiness when he had gotten closer to it.

And he didn’t even know what he was feeling. It was a chaotic pastiche of emotions--from fear to happiness, from apprehension to peace, from sadness and nostalgia of the past, to the yearning of a brighter future.

In that moment of spontaneous mediation, something singular happens.

He starts hearing laughter. Very remote, as if it was coming from the distance of the room next door, but he shuts his eyes more tightly and concentrates. And then he hears it clearer than ever. It’s the laughter of an infant. He hears it so close, as if it was from his own point of view.

Suddenly through the white haze in his mind a face appears.

And it’s Hux, looking as handsome as ever, happier and more radiant than he’s ever seen him. Gone are the pronounced bags under his eyes and product from his hair--now falling beautifully to his forehead. He has also regained a more healthy color on his face, even if he looks just a bit older. He can’t believe it’s the same man that presently commands the First Order with him. He’s looking down and he’s smiling--not just a mildly amused smirk as usual, but a full on grin showing his teeth. He’s smiling and cooing at someone, looking down. He looks ethereal to Kylo.

Then he sees himself, beside Hux. He too looks well, if he’s honest with himself. His hair is shorter, more groomed, but still long enough to partially cover his ears. And he has a few wrinkles but he looks well rested and so sure of himself. The confidence of a man that has found peace within himself at last. Like Hux, he’s gleaming with happiness, smiling brightly at the figure beneath. A pair of hands stretch out and they both go mad with tenderness in the picture.

This, he realizes, is a vision of the future. A possible outcome of it, should they alter their present.

The picture in his head fades away, and then, a memory:   

He’s a little boy, playing in the gardens with his mother. He sees Leia, so young and vibrant, looking down at him with a look of pure, unadulterated adoration. She tackles him to the grass in a tight hug and he laughs, so freely. He had forgotten about what that felt like. Then Han Solo comes up in the picture. He approaches the two figures in the grass, walking with that signature swagger of his that he, as a kid, had found so curious. He wanted to be like his father when he grew up, he had sworn he would. Han squats down to their level and gives them both a kiss on their temples. When he inches away, he whispers something to Leia and she looks up at him with confusion in her eyes. He doesn’t look back at either of them when he walks away, and Leia furiously stands up to chase after him. They leave young Ben Solo in the gardens by himself.

He had been so elated, so full of joy when he had been cuddled by his mother earlier. So loved. And then in a matter of seconds, he was alone. Rejection and sadness filling up his innocent heart. Leaving him vulnerable for the creeping being that had been lurking in the back of his mind, to take over.  

That was a vision from the past. To remind himself of what had felt like to be truly pure, as well as how and why it had been easy for him to succumb.

He slowly, hesitantly, opens his eyes and comes back to the present with a new understanding.   

He realizes then, that the vision he had seen all those nights ago, was a warning. An omen. It could be possible to stop it from happening. But it would imply a huge sacrifice on their part.

If they were willing.

He notices that Hux had been standing right beside him all along, staring at him with worry. “Are you alright?”

He doesn’t answer right away, just stares back at him. He remembers how gorgeous those blue-green eyes had looked in his vision, when they were scrunched up in glee.

“Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were a kid?”

Hux huffs a poor attempt at a laugh compared to what Kylo had heard in his head recently--it had been so melodious, and now it was just...a mere puff of breath in contrast.  Even if he did held some genuine amusement in his look. Hux was curious as to what had brought this random inquiry.

“I don't think I even had time to think about it.” He looks away in contemplation for a moment. “Everything happened so quickly. I was dragged to one place and then the other. I didn’t have much opportunity to think about it.”

“And you?” now he looks more openly entertained, as if he’s expecting some sort of wild or embarrassing answer from Kylo so that he could mock him later, or hold that leverage against him whenever he got in a mood.

“I wanted to be a smuggler, like...like my dad. I mean, by the time I was born he was already known as _General_ Solo, but. I grew up hearing all sorts of crazy stories from everyone. I viewed him as some kind of pirate, straight out of a holofilm. And that’s what I wanted to be, I guess. Not a smuggler per se, but a pirate.”  With that, they both share a genuine, quiet laugh. Something rare between them when they were not on the brink of sleep late at night, or being accidentally tickled during sex.  

“What do you want now?” And gone was the carefree moment, now the air growing thicker around them as the conversation turns solemn and dark.

“The throne where Snoke sits” Hux’s eyes are stern, resolute. His voice unwavering as he said so.

“And after seeing her, what to do you want?”

“To give her everything I didn’t have”

“Do you hear the inconsistencies in your answers?”

Hux scoffs, his reply cold with a hint of ostentation, just as it did whenever he would give a speech at a First Order rally, “If I get the throne, I will have full power to bring order to the entire galaxy. I will have absolute control over it. And I will be able to give her the best of everything, she deserves no less. She won’t be forced to do anything that she doesn’t want to. Won’t be anyone’s apprentice, if that is not her wish. She’ll be protected and safe under _our_ rule.”

“A childhood within The Order. How is that any different from what you had?”

“Because I won’t abandon her! I will care for her, unconditionally!”

A moment passes, and as Kylo was about to talk again, he was interrupted by Hux, “I already do...”

Kylo, without meaning to, was mentally pleading Hux that he come to his senses and give it all up and run. He had seen the visions, but wasn’t ready to make a decision for himself, he was torn apart at the seams--his sanity hanging on by a thread.  If Hux did it, if Hux ran, then he would too.  

“You know what the Supreme Leader wants from me?”

“There’s conflict within me, he has sensed it. By killing what still connects me to the light, I’ll be free”   

 _And there he goes again with the cryptic talk,_ Hux thinks. “The light?”

“My attachments...my family”  

“Do you love them? Is _that_ what it is, that’s _the light!?”_

They both stay silent for a lengthy and utterly tense moment. Anger, desperation and heartache, all condensed in a black cloud over them.

“Are you going to kill me too, then?”    

They had never said it aloud, but it was shown--in actions, in feedback sent to each other through the Force--not in the form of a clearly spelled out word but a _feeling_.

“It’s different.”

“Is it really!? Were you not so eager and willing to leave all this and run away with me and the baby in the beginning?” What happened, _Lord Ren?_ ” Hux accuses him, emphasizing Kylo’s adopted name to mock his title and his status as an apprentice of Snoke, and yet willing to run away with Hux as the star-crossed lovers of the First Order.  

“You were born into this, you’re not the light. You don’t understand!”  

“ _Oh_ , I see. So it’s that simple to you. Light. Dark. You disgust me. After all this time, you’re still blinded by the lies Snoke feeds you. After all this time I figured you’d knew better”

“It’s not all black and white, Ren. That’s incredulity. _We_ are the prime example of that.”

They were two creatures from different worlds, both carrying the weight of their heritage, both dealing with solitude and pain. Pain that turned into anger, canalized to properly direct The Order. They had found each other, in the very place that purged all sentiment and liberty. They commanded it. They had plans to make the galaxy bow down to them, finally claiming the unlimited power they had been after all their lives. But what they found in each other went beyond that. Crashed against all their plans of destruction and death and control through fear.

They’d found a long lost tenderness. They had found the companion they so often dreamed about as children--awake at night, fantasizing about a far away world where they were free to walk the lands, unburdened by their names and titles.

In their heated discussion, they had not seen that the figure in front of them had been moving desperately. Kicking her little arms and legs in a sort of kick-punch choreography. So they both stop and collect themselves and instead turn their attention toward her. It’s like she had sensed her parent’s discussion and was pleading them to cease it.

This, Ren realized, is what would bring their dooms. To the three of them.

By looking at her, they were looking at their future and all the potential it held--all the roads and the possibilities. Each one with a consequence, for better or worse.

They had a choice to make. They both know this, as they longingly stare at their baby through the glass tank. The imagine of innocence, not yet tainted by the world they would bring her into.

So vulnerable.

They knew what they really wanted, deep down. The answer hanged in the air, unspoken--unnamed...more like an abstract feeling with which they both agreed absentmindedly.  

They had a choice to make.

And time was running out.

                     ---

_Wake up_

Kylo was deep in slumber before he’s shaken into consciousness. He dared not open his eyes yet--he was too comfortable. Plus, it’s still night time, it feels like he went to sleep just mere minutes ago. He’s pleasantly warm, snuggled up against Hux, limbs tangled together, wrapped up in their cozy sheets. Hux’s head was resting on his chest, so he deeply inhales in the fresh scent of his lover’s heap of soft hear to try to get back to sleep, but he hears the voice again.

_Wake up_

Startled, he opens his eyes this time and checks his surroundings. There’s no one in the room but them, but he swears he had felt cool breath tickling his ear as if someone had spoken. Not only that, but the voice had sounded identically to Leia’s, though far younger--like an echo of some time in his past, when his mother would wake him up when he wanted to squeeze in a few extra minutes of sleep.

Suddenly an alert starts ringing repeatedly somewhere in their room, waking Hux up now. He’s clumsy and disoriented when he wakes, and his hand lands harshly on Kylo’s face in an attempt to locate his datapad. He’s normally more alert when he’s woken abruptly, always ready for battle, except for the times when he was _really_ having a good sleep like tonight.

Realizing that his datapad was nowhere near, he groggily abandons their lovely nest to go find the damned thing--immediately irked by getting out of bed and being chilled thanks to the cold temperature of the room.

Kylo watches from the bed as his lover’s spine curves when reaches down to the floor to get his datapad--the light emanating from it illuminates him so beautifully, he thinks, still half asleep. But even in that state, he’s somehow acutely aware of what Hux is about to tell him when he turns, with a stupefied look on his face. Kylo had felt it. The sudden shift in the Force.

An awakening.

“It’s time.” Hux announces. They both stare at each other. Clueless for a second on how to react--on what to do with this information. They seem to float in time as they both grab their clothes to put them on.

“I’ll call in for our ship to be ready”

_“No”_

“I’ll pilot your ship. I don’t want anyone else with us when we bring her back.” Hux nods in agreement. He had wanted that too, honestly. They didn’t want anyone intruding on this moment.

They had been wondering when it would happen. They were in the middle of the last month, and they were ready…In a sense.

After their last visit to the clinic when the nurses had informed them of the stuff they would require, their quarters had slowly begun to fill up with a multitude of baby-related articles: the cabinets of their tiny kitchen space, which had been previously almost empty, were now full with packages of formula and a variety of mashed, baby food. They had made some space in their closet for clothes and diapers, but in time they had gotten so many onesies and sweaters among other things, that now their own uniforms were pressed up together in the far corner.

All of this, without mentioning the bathroom, the drawers of their nesting tables, Hux’s desk...their whole bedroom was cramped in every corner with things they still hadn’t accommodated or assembled properly, such as a crib, a little tub, a feeding table, and a tiny and modest play den. They were fully armed with everything they were told they would need, and more.  

But that didn't mean they felt ready. Kylo doesn’t even know how he manages to turn the engines of their ship without colliding into anything. They soar through space in a daze--not really registering what was about to happen yet.

Kylo is piloting faster and way more recklessly than usual, not helping at all with Hux’s _palpable_ nerves. “I swear it, Ren if we die thanks to your _flawless_ piloting skills--”

“Shut up! I got it under control, relax” he says through the filter of his mask’s vocoder.

He didn’t relax.   

He almost crashes against the other shuttles stationed on the docking bay of _The Avalon_ when they land--their ship skidding through the floors of the port.

“Excellent job, Ren” Hux retorts sarcastically when they get out.

Once they step foot into the clinic they feel engulfed into a kind of energy field of sorts, so intense that they feel immediately drained. Overcome with dizziness--not sure if it was from Ren’s piloting or the fact that they were _here_ , _now_ , about to witness the birth of their daughter. Probably a combination of the two.

They kept moving in a trance-like state, completely ignoring the team of nurses that had awaited to receive them in their landing and simply pushing straight through, already knowing their way perfectly.

Since they got here, Kylo had seemed to be the more sensitive one to this drastic change in the air they had felt. He was staggering through the halls until he begged Hux to stop halfway for he felt he might drop to the floor and faint if he kept walking.

He felt tremors in the atmosphere all around him--so _potent--_ the Force anticipating the arrival of a new life. So small and new to this world and already so powerful. Or maybe this intensity that Ren was sensing was his own connection to the newborn. In any case, it was overwhelming. For the both of them. Hux was also feeling as if either his sugar levels or blood pressure had dropped to the fucking floor.

“Lord Ren, are you alright?”

They hadn’t noticed Dr. Vigil coming. Ren had reclined on the wall for a minute to recuperate while Hux was cautiously guarding his back, checking his breathing pattern since the mask didn’t allow him to see if he was alright by looking at his face. Hux turns towards Vigil apprehensively, unusually protective of Kylo all of a sudden.

“Ah, Doctor. Lord Ren has recently sustained some severe injuries from a mission. He’s fine he’s just still recovering.”

“After the birth we could take a look, If you’d like”

Hux shakes his head and speaks firmly. “That’s alright, thank you. Shall we go?”

“Of course. Right this way, General. Lord Ren”

He waves for them to follow and walks ahead. On the way, he explains in detail the last few developments that took place in this last month, as well as how the process of the operation at present would go, but it all went over their heads. They were way too anxious to pay attention to the details, they just wanted to see her out safe and sound. But apparently they would be removing her from the artificial womb and the process would be lengthy since it implied several precise incisions that if done carelessly, could permanently harm the baby.

And that didn’t help at all with their nerves, either.

They were instructed to remain seated outside in the hall while the procedure took place. Before they sit down, they watch the activity before them, inside the lab. There’s Nicks, the nurse that had walked them through the process before, as well as other four human nurses they didn’t recognize. Doctor Vigil was preparing some tools on a sink on the other side of the room meanwhile, and when he’s finished he places them on a sort of cart and moves them closer to an operation table they hadn’t seen before, set closely in front of the tank.  

Their baby was getting restless inside that machine, and their hearts ache with helplessness, watching her wiggle her extremities in desperation and her face all scrunched up as if she wanted to cry in irritation--it was almost like watching Kylo throw one of his own tantrums.

They wanted so desperately to reach out into that blasted tank and take her out themselves. It was so weird for them, this growing sense of protectiveness for someone other than themselves; they were so uncomfortable seeing other people handling her around, specially people that had referred to her this whole time as a _thing_ \--their own little covert experiment for the Supreme Leader. They think these people are beneath them--unworthy of putting their hands on _their daughter_.

They turn around and finally sit down after they see Vigil’s crew assembling together before the tank, and him sternly giving indications to each member of his team before proceeding.   

“Hux” He was startled by Kylo’s modified voice through the vocoder, had totally forgotten that he had it on. He was too immersed in his own thoughts.

“What?”

“At what time did we go to bed and when did we get up? Did we get any sleep at all?”

The situation was hysterical. Both commanders of the First Order sitting side by side outside the room like two scolded children. Kylo sounded plain ridiculous asking such trivial questions in the menacing tone that his mask produced. And yes, to confirm his question, they were indeed sleep deprived.

“We went to bed around…Was it, ten pm standard? And we got the message around twelve...I don’t know what time it is right now.”

Hux hears a distorted, metallic sound that seems to be a huff of breath--was it…Was that a chuckle?

“What’s so funny!?”

“You dressed so hurriedly that you didn’t even comb your hair. Look, it’s a mess” he says as he passes his gloved hand through Hux’s bed hair, disordering it even more.

“Well don’t make it worse!”

“I bet you have a fucking bird’s nest right beneath that damn helmet so why don’t you shut up!” At this Kylo only laughs even harder, coming out really weirdly through his mask, which makes Hux scrunch his nose in amusement. Kylo tenderly places the hand that had been playing with his hair on the side of his neck--thumb putting the tiniest of pressure in his ear.

“It’s going to be a long night” Hux sighs. The fact that he didn’t really know just how much time this would take finally sinking in. Somehow he couldn’t conceive why taking their daughter out of that tank would take so long but he was already so piqued. He was really starting to settle in for a deep sleep when he was woken, and now they were being told to wait outside on uncomfortable metal chairs for fuck knows how long. Good thing that the way that Kylo was softly massaging the side of his neck was so relaxing, he could even manage a quick power nap right here…

He turns to Kylo and softly takes the gloved hand that was caressing him in his own. “Why don’t you take off your mask, nobody’s here. That can’t possibly be comfortable.”      

He hesitates for a moment but nods and briefly breaks his hold on Hux’s hand to unlatch the helmet. When he does, Hux takes a long look and can’t help but smile in genuine delight--the image was just too priceless: Kylo looking completely disoriented, eyes a bit puffy from lack of sleep, hair as messy has he had predicted or even worse, with curls standing up at odd directions.

“What” Even his voice was a little hoarse as if he had just woken up. Hux just smiles even wider and for a moment, it hits him that he’s never smiled or even laughed this much other than in Kylo’s presence.

“You look ridiculous” is what comes out instead of what he really wanted to say to him, although he was sure Kylo must’ve picked it up from his mind anyway. Kylo doesn’t say anything, only interlocks their fingers again and reclines his head against the wall.

They stay silent for a long, long moment, basking in each other’s presence and clearing their mind, for once, since they arrived here. In intervals of time they even manage to close their eyes for a bit and lightly drift to a quick sleep

They passed the minutes like that, in and out of consciousness, each time waking up abruptly in case they had missed something important, but just as quickly realizing that they hadn’t been called yet.

After a long while they simply remain, fully awake again, just staring at the bright white wall in front of them, for an undetermined amount of time.

They were in a state of some eerie kind of calm--where they were truly scared shitless for their life was about to change drastically at any moment now, but somehow finding the strength to remain calm together like this, joined hand in hand.

“Did you ever imagined it would come to this?” Kylo breaks the silence. And for once, Hux isn’t bothered by his imprecision when talking.

“What thing?”

“Us”

Normally they wouldn’t talk about them-- _their relationship,_ so openly. From time to time they would indeed have deep conversations late at night, when the pretense of the day had vanished and they could imagine they were free and talk about whatever they pleased that didn’t have to do with work, but within the sanctuary of their own quarters and when sleep was already lurking.     

“The truth?”

And Kylo stares back at him, wide eyed, expecting his reply.

“Never” Hux smiles playfully, and Kylo rolls his eyes in annoyance but feels incredibly weightless in that moment. He always valued and treasured these silly moments with Hux for the rarity of them. “No, I mean it.” He continued, smiling all the way. He has always immensely enjoyed teasing Kylo for the fun of it. “I never expected it would come all the way to this.” _To having a child together_ , he thinks but doesn't say, _forming a family with you._ Although that last bit is pure fiction.

They try to guard those thoughts cautiously. They can’t forget the motive behind all of this. Can’t, by no means, afford to get carried away and think that this can last.

“I never thought it would go further than what we did at the beginning. Fucking. To get back at you for all the destruction you cause at my ship.”

“When did you know?” he now asks. And Hux knows exactly what he means but turns away in contemplation anyway, recalling the very moment he realized he had grown fond of his lover. The moment he realized that maybe their encounters had fulfilled a bigger need within him.

“Come on. You know when, don’t you?” Hux meant that he believed that they both fell at the same time. He was thinking of a very specific moment, but Kylo’s sly little smirk told him otherwise.

“For you, yeah. But not me, no...it wasn’t at the same time. I had known long before _that_ time you’re thinking about” And Kylo looks so pleased with himself at having surprised Hux like that. He’s now looking at him with eyes full of intrigue, brows raised and all. “Yep. I had known. Way before that. That night, when we kissed I had my heart on my sleeve, to be honest.”  

The time they were thinking about happened four years ago now, one year after they had started working together at _The_ _Finalizer_ , when their arrangement had already been in full progress. They had tormented each other that first year of working together to the point where there had been some broken bones among broken equipment in the aftermath of their fights. So they made the deal. Release their anger in more creative and gratifying ways in exchange of a peaceful working environment…to _some_ degree.

And had they taken advantage of that arrangement...They did it daily: savagely, selfishly, uncaring; it was hard and fast and painful, aiming to hurt the other as much as to please themselves. A collision of bodies in heat; nothing more, nothing less. But in no time, as the workload increased and became more unbearable and their meetings began to feel routinary and tiring, their shields had begun to crack, and their pace became more controlled and their touches more giving and experimental.

_It had been well into the night, when they were already on round three. Kylo had Hux on all fours on the bed and he was clutching at the damp sheets as if his life depended on it. Kylo was pounding into him so roughly that he could’ve sworn that he was going to faint from the sheer effort and intensity. From behind, he could see Hux’s flushed skin--red in arousal but also irritated by angry scratches all over his back as well as bruises adorning his hips and neck.  His hair was absolutely soaking wet--both of theirs were--but his had turned into an auburn tone, way darker than normal and contrasting so gorgeously with the rest of his skin._

_Kylo couldn’t keep on like that. Not with that brutal pace, but not with the pretense either. He had been pining for weeks now, hiding his disappointment whenever Hux would kick him out of the bed when they were done or how they would never kiss. He yearned to know what his plump mouth tasted like, yearned to keep him through the night and be held by him. So he let his body rest fully on top of Hux as he continued to fuck him. Slowly, timidly, he slipped his fingers through Hux’s, making him release the tight hold he had on the sheets. He was elated with relief when he felt Hux squeezing his hands back, even tighter still. He moved his mouth to Hux’s long, elegant neck, sucking a mark on it, biting it roughly. But afterwards, he just left his lips there, to rest on Hux’s pressure point--feeling the quick beats of his heart._

_Simultaneously, instead of pistoning into him, his hips began to move in a circular motion, and his mouth began to make its way to Hux’s cheek. Planting soft kisses, knowing full well that that had never been allowed. With this change of rhythm, Hux had confessed that he was closer now, so Kylo kept that movement of the hips but only incremented the potency of it. They came together, in a heavenly chorus of moans, in a delicious entanglement of limbs._

_Without separating, Kylo turned Hux’s head to him with one hand, securing it firmly around his throat. They stared at each other. Neither of them moving yet. They stared in defiance. Until Kylo overcame his fear. He guided his mouth to him and kissed him. Tentatively at first, unsure. But Hux responded and it was glorious. He responded with the same fervour as Kylo. They kissed in that position, passionately at first, until Kylo finally slipped out of him and they both landed on the bed, beside each other. Kylo pulled Hux to him again, and they remained like that, all night long until sleep took them--he had carried Hux through his afterglow with kisses; languid, and powerful kisses. Kylo had poured every ounce of emotion he had in him, making a confession with his lips which Hux so gracefully accepted and returned. That was the night it all changed._

“That’s why I kissed you. Because I was tired of pretending already. I took the risk because I had sensed some confusion in yourself as well. But I never intruded on your mind to check on that. I was too embarrassed. More afraid than anything.”

Hux feels a pleasant warmth spreading all over his chest at recalling that night. How even then they had expressed everything that they wanted with actions, when words came short. He had had his doubts, yes. He had begun to like Kylo’s attention too much but could not articulate what he wanted with words, which is why he had felt so at ease by simply giving in and hoping that Kylo would know the answer to what he was looking for. It was the first night that they had actually _slept_ together. And in their embrace, Hux had felt something that he never thought he would get to feel again, ever since the death of his biological mother. He felt cared for. Wanted, for himself and not his power.

Suddenly, doubt settles in Hux’s mind when he comes back to reality, and remembers where they are and _why._ “So you don’t think…That this was Snoke’s plan all along?”

“Do you remember what the doctor said, when we first came here? That this had been in the works for almost ten years?”

 _“No”_ Kylo cuts him off firmly and speaks with determination. “What I feel for you…it isn’t Snoke’s doing. Please, never doubt that”

 _I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life_ , he thinks and makes sure that Hux hears it in his mind. _This is ours and no one else’s._ I _chose you._

Hux knows it to be true, is well attuned to what they share through their connection,to what  Kylo passes him through the Force, but still, that lingering fear remains. The fear that this precious bond they had created could be taken from him so easily.  “But, you were saying the other day, how he wanted you to kill your attachments, then what if I’m some sort of test. Remember how you said that this child was Snoke’s idea to break us apart, what if--”   

He can’t finish his sentence, for they’re suddenly startled by shrill, high-pitched cries and wails that shake the entire room into vigorous tremors--so mighty that they’re thrown out of their seats and land close to each other on the cold floors.

They quickly stand up and look through the window as the deafening cries continue, accompanied by sounds of glass breaking as well as a clattering of multiple tools. The room inside is a complete mess: the glass from the tank and the tubes on the machine had broke, and now the liquid they had contained was spilled all over the floor. The doctor’s tools were all shakingly suspended in the air all over the room, some of them flying out and clashing against walls--that, depending on the intensity of the cries.

They see Dr. Vigil in a far corner with a bundle in his hands but they couldn’t see it clearly because of the nurses that went to attend him.        

The cries do not stop, not for a single moment. And the room, even if it had stopped trembling like it did initially, was still lightly thrumming with energy.

They notice that Nicks was making her way to them, so Kylo hastily puts his helmet back on.

“Commanders” she says so with the fakest, amiable tone. Kylo could sense her annoyance from miles away. “The operation was successful, although we were not expecting this outburst and the room is now a disaster, we cannot receive you like this. We will prepare a room for the baby next door, so you might have to wait a few more moments before you see her. Excuse the inconvenience.”

“No” if Hux was grateful for that horrid mask of Kylo’s it was now. The face Nicks made when Kylo spooked her with that harsh reply had been priceless. “We don’t mind a few spilled bottles, we want to see her now” he commanded.

“I don’t know that Dr. Vigil will allow it, Lord Ren”  

“Let. us. In.”

And it had to be either mind manipulation or lord knows what, but Hux couldn't care less, all that mattered was that Nicks had immediately stepped aside to let them in.

As soon as they do, the cries subside a bit, but by no means do they stop, and they notice Dr. Vigil struggling to hold the bundle that he was carrying, although he has his back to them so they can’t really see her well yet.

They’re completely frozen on the spot, unsure of what to do now. They had fought to come in, but now…what now?

“General, Lord Ren, I told nurse Nicks to inform you of this mess, she will prepare a room next door, you don’t have to be--” Vigil speaks, still with his back to them while he’s cleaning the tiny bundle, but is cut abruptly by Hux when he finally finds his voice again.

“It won’t be necessary, we want to see her now.” Vigil takes his time with his current task before finally turning to face them. His temper altering horrendously due to the incessant cries, Kylo notes, so he’s tense when he speaks to them next.

“Very well commanders, as you wish. But still I urge you to meet us next room so we can monitor her vitals for a bit before you take her with you. It’s also necessary that you’re briefed on integral information about her care.”

He approaches painfully slowly with the crying infant, and he’s holding her as if she’s some toxic waste that he can’t wait to get rid of. “Make sure to support the head when you carry her” he says, and gestures for Hux first to accommodate his arms properly.

The very moment the baby is deposited in Hux’s arms and he feels her warmth radiating through the thick blanket in which she’s wrapped in, her cries stop. “I’ll leave you to it, then” says Vigil before he eagerly steps out of the room, leaving the two commanders alone at last with their _daughter._

_Their daughter._

Hux feels something unique and blazing and wonderful spreading throughout his chest. He’s holding her--he’s holding her finally and it’s unlike anything he’s ever felt before. She feels so tiny and delicate and warm, and she looks so cozy all bundled up now that she’s calmed down. She wanted to be with her parents, she had sensed their presence and she wasn’t going to stop crying until her wishes were met. That already sounded so familiar...

Hux looks down at her and feels amazed and weird and like he wants to cry but he can’t because he’s so shocked by looking at this wonderful creature that he and Ren had created. Because she’s beautiful. So, so beautiful, with her vibrant pink cheeks from all that crying and her tiny button nose and her eyes--those bright eyes blinked up at him once and then closed. Looking so peaceful at last, as if she had sensed that she was finally in her father’s arms.

He was immediately smitten--already dead set on protecting her with everything he had. “Welcome, my darling”, he whispers--so embarrassed all of a sudden, of showing this side of him to Ren.  

He was so entranced with her that he hadn’t even noticed Ren coming up next to him, his mask discarded on the floor. He hears it when Kylo takes a deep intake of breath as soon as his eyes land on her.

Kylo was so scared to approach them at first, he felt so inadequate. So he had shyly moved towards them, and now stands as close as he can to Hux, as he looks down.

She seems to sense her other father coming to greet her because she opens her eyes again for him. And she’s breathtakingly perfect, utterly gorgeous. And she was theirs. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not Snoke, not Skywalker, not the Resistance nor the First Order. Just them.

“Do you want to hold her?” whispers Hux, staring at him with such a lively look on his face like he’d never seen before. He was totally overjoyed, but beyond that…he sensed in Hux that a deep, contented feeling had settled in him. In a gap in his chest that had been empty for an eternity of time.

“I’ll drop her” Kylo feels so awkward, not knowing his way around babies. So intimidated by her presence and so afraid that he might curse her just by touching her. Thankfully Hux was feeling very unusually supportive in that moment.

“Of course you won’t. Just hold her head carefully. Here” and without further preamble, he hands him the baby, who looked ridiculously tiny in his huge arms.

He takes another shaky breath as he naturally starts to rock her gently. And she seems to enjoy it, rousing from her light rest to gurgle--as if she was laughing.

He’s blown away, completely amazed at this child, a being so innocent and pure, that seemed to be reaching out to him naturally instead of urging away like everyone else. He’s overcome and stunned speechless when he feels her response through the Force, so intensely that he goes weak at the knees and fears for a fraction of a second that he will pass out and drop them both.

What he senses in her is bright and perfect. Untainted, immaculate. For the first time in his life, he sees genuine, unconditional love, all for him and Hux. So unlikely. Yet so enormous, that is hard to believe it’s contained in this tiny creature in his arms.   

He cradles her closer, resting her delicate head on his neck. He tightens his embrace as he takes a deep inhale of her sweet and clean scent. Falling asleep with his nose on Hux’s head was an indulgence that he basked in as much as he could, and now this...he could get used to this. Her soft hair, the thin little dark curls feel like silk under his nose, and the smell was just plain marvelous. He takes another long whiff of her scent and exhales through his mouth in peaceful bliss--which tickles her hair, making her gurgle again in delight.    

“She’s so small, how can she be so small” Kylo whispers, his mouth tickling her as he spoke.

“Well, she’s a newborn, you idiot” And never has a retort from Hux sounded so light. He places an arm on Kylo’s back and rests his head beside his.

They stay like that, all three of them locked in a loving embrace, Kylo and Hux observing their daughter in detail--a sense of peace washing over them, until they’re interrupted by Nicks when she comes to inform them that the room next door was ready.

They reluctantly separate, and they take her next door where she’s placed in a crystal crib with monitors attached to it. Hux stays in the room with Vigil while Kylo excuses himself to retrieve the blankets and the dark blue onesie they had brought with them.

Hux sits, longingly staring at the sleeping figure of his daughter while Vigil briefs him through on various aspects of child care. He emphasizes the importance of bringing her in for weekly and monthly check ups to track her growth. When Kylo returns they dress her gingerly and prepare to leave.

Vigil walks them back to their ship, and before they climb in, he bows in goodbye. “Farewell, commanders. Have a safe trip. I hope Snoke will be pleased. I will be informing him of this, promptly”

And they can’t explain it, but Vigil’s tone had taken a threatening edge that they were not expecting. Or maybe it was their apprehension at the mention of Snoke, but no, they could both sense it. It was as if Vigil was taunting them--as if he was the messenger in charge of reporting to Snoke what had transpired after the birth--their reactions at seeing their daughter, their closeness. Further intel so that Snoke would know exactly how to break them apart.

They leave the clinic, just as they had on the very first day that they had come here. With dread, deeply rooted in their bones.

                     ---

They’d been cruising the galaxy in peace, safe within the confines of Hux’s ship, with Kylo piloting and Hux sitting at the co-pilot seat, with their baby asleep, safely tucked in Hux’s arms. He thanks the heavens that Kylo had slowed down his piloting, so now they were just flying through, taking their time, not really wanting to return to _The Finalizer._

“You know, we didn’t even think of a name” Hux says as he watches her. The longer he sees her, the more amazed he is by her beauty. She had long, black eyelashes that gracefully fanned her chubby cheeks, and the pink tone she had all over her skin when she had been taken out of the tank had subsided into a deep, peach-toned blush on each cheek.   

“I had thought of something” Kylo confesses, and Hux looks back at him in surprise.

Kylo gives himself an imaginary pat on the back. He had managed to impress Hux twice that night.

“Lara”  

He would never admit it, but he had put thought on it. It was a combination of both their mother’s names. Hux had never told him explicitly, but Kylo had picked up that name from his mind--it dimly passed on the back of his head, quite often actually. Brendol Hux had tried so hard to make Armitage forget, but the memory of her biological mother would never be erased from him, no matter how limited their time together had been before she had fallen ill and Brendol had had her killed before her infection could spread among the rest of the staff. Haera, the kitchen worker that had carried Brendol’s bastard son. The woman that, defying her restraining orders, had fought with everything she had to see her son as much as she could--which ultimately led to her demise, for the Arkanisian rains had been unforgiving everytime she would sneak out of the kitchens to see little Armitage.

Leia and Haera.

Even if Kylo didn’t explain, Hux understood it and accepted it gratefully. “Lara”, he whispers, looking down at her, tasting the sound of her name. It was rather fitting.

“Lara Hux” Kylo repeats. And Hux smiles but can’t help but feel a little fearful.

 _“Is it even worth it using my last name? Won’t Snoke take it from her like he did with you?”_ He trusts that Kylo will hear him.

“No matter what happens” Kylo starts. And he says it aloud to ease Hux, but he conjures his words with the intention of sealing a pact with the Force somehow--as if some higher power might listen to his vows. “She is ours. She came from us, she carries our blood. No one can take that away from her.”

They exchange looks and feel a newfound confidence that overpowered their shared distress. A silent promise is passed through them, to their daughter.

They take their time as they fly back to the base, enjoying this quiet moment where it’s only the three of them and the vast space. They let themselves feel at ease, for they were finally reunited with their daughter--with baby Lara.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TFA action ahead! more Lara ahead yay!  
> 

Their bed had never been cozier. Which is why, it is with great reluctance that Hux opens his eyes the moment he feels _someone_ next to him start to stir from sleep and get fidgety when _that certain someone’s parents_ were still asleep when she wasn’t.

Lara was nestled between her father’s chests in their bed, warming it in a way that Kylo and Hux relished so tremendously, they had never yearned sleep so much. Contrary to popular myth, they had actually gotten the best rest of their lives while cuddled up with Lara in the middle. She was a heavy sleeper when she was secured with them. Otherwise, it was quite the opposite, and Kylo had already begun to suspect that there was a reason behind this.

She had her own crib, where she had slept in during the very first week at _The Finalizer._ But pulling into her second week she had started to become more and more disquiet and fretful whenever she was tucked in for a nap and even worse during night time. She would manage approximately five solid minutes of rest until she began to make a fuss, tossing and turning around until she was picked up by one of her parents and was either rocked gently in their arms or accommodated with them on the bed. Only then did she sleep through the night unbothered.

It was as if something troubled her in her dreams and she could only feel safe enough to slip into unconsciousness if she was sheltered by the comfort of her fathers. Kylo had tried to carefully sweep her mind to find the source of her disturbance but couldn’t clearly discern what it was. Everything was too abstract in her mind at this point, and he could only sense her very acute feelings of discomfort and fear, but could not single out the root. For now, if sleeping with them was the solution, then so be it, they would allow her that. They were pleasantly surprised to see that the quality of their own rest had improved when the three of them were snuggled up together. 

When baby Lara (now three weeks old) notices that Hux has his eyes open, she tackles his face with her tiny hands, going directly for his nose. “Well good morning to you” Hux murmurs, mindful not to wake Kylo although he slept like a log—didn’t rouse at all as Lara got more and more entertained with Hux’s nostrils and her soft giggles became louder. At three weeks she was already quite active and alert of the environment, which was impressive and could only be due to her strong force sensitivity. She could smile and emit quiet sighs akin to laughter, too (although laughter per se, as well as clearer sounds, were to be developed into her second or third month of age). Nevertheless, it was tremendously endearing to see.

 _“Shh_...Darling” and he gently removes her little fingers from his face and cradles her in his arms, letting her rest fully on top of him while he lies on his back. He softly kisses her head and just remains like that afterwards, breathing in her scent; they both had gotten quite addicted to it. She had started to grow more hair and now her head was fully covered with very fine, dark brown curls which smelled _heavenly_ —always clean, with a hint of something that was entirely and inexplicably _hers._

He could've fallen right back asleep nestled with her like that, but to their luck, Lara had proven to be a very restless baby, so she starts giving her father a hard time when she senses that he’s starting to doze. She pats him restlessly on the chest until she gets his full attention. “All right, all right, I’m up” he complains—even if he adores every minute of it.

Hux sweeps his daughter up and they’re off to start their daily, morning routine.

Hux, being the master strategist that he was, had managed to figure out pretty early on a schedule which allowed them both to fulfill their daily affairs within _The Finalizer_ while switching places accordingly to take care of Lara. Making use of the nanny droid they had gotten was _not_ an option, unless it was really necessary if they’d be busy at the same time. They would not get comfortable and leave it all to the droid, thus repeating their own pasts—raised by an emotionless piece of metal. That had been cleared up from the beginning.

Besides, they could not waste what few time they had with her, before she’d have to depart.

Their routine would go like this: her filthy diapers would be changed by Hux, first thing in the morning; he’d put on a clean one while tossing the other into the tiny cleaning machine that was now placed in the corner of their bathroom (it was a small, metal bin that served as a washing/drying device that was able to ready her diapers to reuse). He’d then give her a quick clean-up with a wet sponge, leaving her actual bath for later in the evening so she wouldn’t get that cold. He’d change her clothes and then carry her back to bed with Kylo while Hux himself prepared to leave for his shift at the bridge. The rest of the diaper-changing and feeding at corresponding times during the rest of the day would be left to Kylo, as well as ensuring that she got her right amount of rest. He’d make room on their leaving space so that he could train there and don’t lose sight of Lara, until Hux would return so he could resume his training at night. If either of them were needed elsewhere, they’d find the way to switch each other’s responsibilities.

Hux returns to the bedroom with Lara in his arms after her morning clean-up, and she starts getting jumpy at the sight of Ren rising up _just now_ , still glued to his pillow and eyes puffy with sleep. She starts to pout and is about to cry—how _dare_ Kylo not be awake and ready for her—but Kylo extends his arms just in time for Hux to deposit her right where she was longing to be, before her cries could turn into a full-on tantrum. Just a tad few tears roll out of her green eyes but they subside just as Kylo envelops her extra tightly into his embrace and coos at her in an apology.  

“Tell your stupid dad not to make you wait next time” Hux says without any real ill before returning to the bathroom to prepare for the day. Kylo just grumbles something incoherent in reply and nuzzles her head with his nose.

Hux is pleased, as he exits the bathroom, to find Kylo already in their kitchen space, with Lara safely tucked in one arm while he was expertly preparing her formula with the other. He approaches them and playfully smooches Lara’s cheek, earning him a delighted little laugh from her, almost tipping out of Kylo’s arm in joy and making Kylo spill the heated water out of its container. “Watch it, asshole” Kylo whines, but Hux simply dismisses him with a roll of his eyes—although still playfully, for Lara’s contagious laugh always lifted his spirits.

He retires, leaving Kylo and Lara alone in their quarters for the rest of the day.

They head back to bed, after Kylo had finished preparing Lara’s breakfast, so he could feed her there within the warmth and comfort of it, not really ready to be productive just yet. Hux would be horrified if he found out that he’d been doing that there instead of a proper table, but right now he couldn’t care less. He settles back on the pillows in a position that’s appropriate and safe for her when she gulps down from her feeding bottle.

“There you go, honey” he softly mutters, right into her dark heap of her.

And it’s then when it hits him. In the peace, only found in the early hours when Kylo quietly accompanies her daughter as she feeds. Suddenly, as if someone had thrown a bucket full of freezing cold water at him.

_It’s San Tekka. Lor San Tekka, he has the map_

Of course. It’s as if the answer had been hidden to him in plain sight, waiting until the very moment he’d let down his guard completely, which he could only achieve when he was with Lara. It was also rather inconvenient.

He starts getting impatient, waiting for Lara to finish her bottle so he can go meditate on this revelation but she senses this and starts growing annoyed, pulling the bottle out of her mouth angrily and getting fidgety in Kylo’s hold. When he tries to reach the nipple of the bottle near her again she arches back in newfound disgust, as if someone had replaced her formula with something terribly pungent.

“Come on, honey, don’t be upset. Finish your meal, please” but she only gets more furious, pout well in place and eyes scrunched up and beginning to fill with hot tears, for she _senses_ that Kylo is getting impatient and in turn makes her cries more desperate.

Never had he been more concerned for his anger issues than when Lara was born. It was obvious that they were more attuned to each other for their force sensitivity, even if she was indeed deeply connected to Hux’s aura as well. But usually when it came to Kylo and Lara, both of their moods could backfire on one another when they were bad, or influence the other if they were good, so easily. And right now, several objects in the room start to levitate as a result of their conniption getting out of hand.

“ _Shhh_...Calm down, honey, calm down...I’m sorry” He takes a deep intake of breath and tries his hardest to calm himself for her sake, hoping with all his might that she would calm down too as he rubs her back in soothing circles. She looks up at him with her big eyes, red-rimmed with tears, when her cries subside to mere hiccups. And his heart breaks. He hates being on the end of her suffering, but he really needed to get on with this task that he had neglected for too long already.

If he didn’t acquire the map soon, Snoke wouldn't have it, and he might not live another day to see his daughter and Hux. So he wills himself to fully relax, pats her back when she finishes her milk, and makes sure that she’s spent from that tantrum so she can easily slip into her nap as he goes next room to meditate.     

_He senses it. The movement. The trajectory from one place to the other, but where? Who? It’s San Tekka but he doesn’t have it right now. He found it but he doesn’t have it? So who does? Where is it?_

_Who…?_

_And he sees it. The traitor. It’s Del Meeko, the deserter._

_He knew him, from the New Republic. The imperial who was part of the Inferno Squad yet made a truce with Skywalker. He has the map, San Tekka gave it to him after finding it. It was Del, he placed the traps._

_He sees San Tekka giving him instructions—advising him on how to deceive the knight who might come looking for it. He knew he’d be too obstinate to go beyond the path that had been presented to him clearly. So San Tekka orchestrated everything on purpose. Knew that Kylo Ren would be too confident with his power to question it. Hence, buying themselves time, moving the map, so it could return safely back to San Tekka when the time was right and only then deliver it the Resistance._

_Where is it now?_

_He sees a planet. Del landing on it. Pillio. It’s on the planet Pillio, on the Jinata system._

Kylo instantly rises to his feet, moves about the room as quickly as lightning and is midway through getting dressed when the cries of his daughter—disturbed by his abrupt change in energy—stop him. _“Damnit”_

“Lara” he speaks firmly as if she’ll understand him. As if she’ll shush down with mere words, as if she’ll be intelligent enough already to understand what this means for Kylo and why he needs to move fast.

So he picks her up, but he senses that that wasn’t enough, so he starts rocking her as gently as he can manage when he has so much adrenaline coursing through him. He needs to move, _now_. He can’t afford to waste any more time, he has to leave. But Lara won’t calm down until he does.

So he goes for his comm and calls Hux.   

He vaguely informs him of this new development—too caught up in his own rush to care to be precise. He’s ending the transmission before he can even let Hux finish questioning him and he sends an order to have his ship readied and a crew assembled, all set to depart. All of this, while holding a crying Lara in one arm.

“Lara”, he repeats, just as firmly and frustrated. He brings her in tighter to his chest and places his lips on her head. “Shh...Lara, _please_ ” he pleads, but to no avail. She gets restless in his arms trying to free herself from his hold, as if she senses what is about to happen and doesn’t want to be near him.

To make matters worse, in comes Hux fuming, the very moment Lara’s sobbing had turned into a chilling wail.

“What’s the meaning of this, what’s going on!?” and Kylo doesn’t even answer, just hands him the baby and goes to retrieve his helmet.

“It’s on Pillio. This is not a trap this time, I’ve seen it. And it’s happening now, the map is being moved to Pillio. I need to intercept it there before it’s too late.”

“Wait for my call. I’ll make contact as soon as I get it. Have a squad ready for attack in case it’s necessary”

“If this leads to another misdirection, Ren, mark my words I will have you executed myself!” Venom drips from Hux’s voice as he carries Lara. He’s furious enough already by having been interrupted from his work to come into their rooms and find their distressed child ignored by Kylo. He’s going to be forced to juggle with Lara’s needs while commanding the bridge, how is that going to be possible? He doesn’t want to use the nanny droid, not so soon.

For that reason alone, he swears if this is another false alarm he will not hesitate to put Kylo in his rightful place.

“We can’t take another blow against the Resistance thanks to your mindless whims! Bring back the map or don’t come back at all!” he threatens, voice moderated for he’s carrying Lara but no less vehement.

Hux is not intimidated in the least, not when half of what makes Ren’s voice sound menacing is that dumb distortion from the helmet, when Kylo approaches him in full armor and threatens “Mind the bridge and watch out for my sign. Do what you’re good at and I’ll do the rest”

And so Kylo leaves again.

Hux sends a transmission right from their quarters, ordering his men to be ready given the current turn of events.

 After a while he feeds Lara her corresponding meal and puts her to sleep while remaining huddled close to her in their bed, waiting. His mind racing with worry, thinking of the worst possible outcomes this mission could take.

He’s startled from his thoughts when his comm beeps with a message from lieutenant Mitaka. “General. Petition to dispatch our squadrons in the air, we’ve received a transmission from Lord Ren’s ship. He’s moving to Jakku, sir. The map has been located.”

“Permission granted officer. I’ll be down at the bridge immediately”

He reluctantly untangles from Lara, singing in victory in his mind for she didn’t rouse from her sleep at all. He goes to the closet and puts on his greatcoat. In there, stashed in the far corner was the nanny droid, which he warily turns on before leaving the room. 

—-

The events that followed after Ren left, brought forth nothing but disaster.

They’re standing side by side at the holochamber before Snoke, briefing him on the matter.

When Kylo Ren had arrived on Pillio it had been just too late. Del Meeko had already sent out the map to San Tekka, but the mission hadn’t been all futile. Del’s feeble and conflicted mind had been easy enough to infiltrate, thus gaining the Intel on San Tekka’s whereabouts. Del’s pathetic life had been ended soon after, by his former squad member, now a First Order officer, Gideon Hask.

So Kylo flew to the spiritual village of Tunaul in that junkyard of a planet, Jakku, where he confronted San Tekka at last. But that old man had been sly in his actions, defying Ren with poor remarks about his past; stalling, so that the pilot, Poe Dameron, could escape with the map.

 But Kylo had been faster.

He killed San Tekka on the spot and managed to stop Dameron’s blaster midair before it could hit him. The village had been wiped out at the command of Captain Phasma, as demonstration of what happened to traitors who defied the First Order. So they went on, with Poe Dameron as hostage and Tunaul’s people massacred, the small village in flames.

Nevertheless, Dameron had proven to be ruthless upon his capture, more so than they imagined. Hux hadn’t been able to get any information out of him, even as his torture methods had increased in intensity, leaving the pilot bloodied and shaking like a fish out of water in his cuffs.

So then it had been Kylo’s turn to coarse information out of him.

Not a word had passed between him and Hux them when they exchanged places.

Hux had been standing outside the interrogation chamber when he heard the pilot’s roar through the _soundproof_ walls of the room. He was confident then, when Kylo came out announcing that the map had been placed in a BB-unit droid. “Well then, if it’s on Jakku we’ll soon have it” he said with a conspiratorial smirk, pleased more than anything that they’d finally gotten results, but his private victory had been cut short with Ren’s cold dismissal.

“I leave that to you” was all Kylo told him before he went on. Any small amount of relief that had briefly eased Hux’s mind upon hearing that they had finally gotten the location of the map out of the pilot, had been wiped out by Ren’s nonchalant demeanor towards him. Who was he to have the luxury of storming off like that when the job hadn’t even been completed yet? Thanks to his half-assed, mediocre and unpolished way of doing things, Hux had to remain at the front and locate the damn droid himself. All Ren had done was pull out a magic trick to get the location, but they could not feel confident yet. As of that moment, they still hadn’t obtain the physical map in their hands.   

After surveying the bridge for a short moment and ensuring all was proceeding accordingly, Hux had started his way back to his quarters to quickly check on Lara, but as soon as he reached the doors he was stopped by the loud beeping of his comm.

That stupid pilot had escaped. But not only that, they had a traitor ingrained within their troops whom had helped Dameron’s breakout.  

Turmoil was unfolding all around Hux as they had to chase down _one of their own_ TIE fighters that the fugitives had stolen, as well as identifying the rogue stormtrooper.

It was embarrassing. Completely infuriating, the extent of incompetence of the people around him, to not have noticed the inmate walking out along their docking bays. His irritation only increased when Ren appeared out of nowhere with the information on the stormtrooper while he was commanding the counterattack of the fugitives. “The one from the village” he had said. “FN-2187”

Perfect. So whenever Ren had a bad feeling about a situation he made all the fuss in the world about it but now that he had sensed the coming acts of a traitor within them he had decided to disappear and only bring it up once the chaos was already in progress. Hux was enraged.

The only minuscule fragment of relief had come in when a report had gotten through that the stolen TIE fighter had crashed right there on Jakku. By sending a squad to the wreckage immediately they’d had a chance at retrieving the droid.

However, the moment of relief was cut short by Ren pulling him out of the control screens to bitch about the situation, as if everything had been Hux’s fault, as if Ren hadn’t been the one to unabashedly prance around as if his job had been effective, as if he hadn’t totally failed to hand in the actual map. It had been all clues and visions and feelings and hints but no results whatsoever, and yet somehow Ren dared to pinpoint the reason of the riot on a malfunction from Hux’s stormtrooper program.

They were arguing along the bridge when Hux’s boiling point blew up. The mood of the evening had been Ren, operating on his own personal agenda, compromising the task at large, yet pointing the sole blame on him. That could not stand. “Careful, Ren. That you’re personal interest don’t interfere with orders from Leader Snoke” he defied him, staring him right in the eye when he threw him that line, aiming to sting deep.

“I _want_ that map. For your sake, I suggest you get it” And Ren had stormed off. Hux was appalled. At that very moment he really felt hatred within him. Hatred for that second nature that emerged in Ren when he failed to comprehend that they operated as a team. Hatred for Ren’s selfish acts that put them at risk and made them an easy target for the Resistance, made them vulnerable for things like that breakout to happen. But he had gulped down his annoyance and carried on.

The same annoyance flares up in him now, after they finish retelling the previous events to the Supreme Leader. 

“Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility”

_“GENERAL”_

Snoke was always the silent eye that watched all, only presenting himself when they had truly fucked up, besting them at requesting contact before either of them would care or simply find time to do so. Which is why, when activity had calmed down at the bridge they had been summoned immediately, not being allowed a short moment to breathe.

And when he scolds them as he does now, there’s always a sinister undertone of morbid entertainment by his commander’s failures. As if he got off on it—on observing how his little pets would fight each other when given the right stimulus; like two animals in a cockfight.

So now Hux tries his hardest to contain his anger but still he couldn’t really hide his apparent scowl, utterly disgusted at being interrupted.

And he cannot believe himself. Even after all this mess, he’s was still trying to protect Kylo. As soon as they had entered the room Hux had gotten flashbacks of the last time, when he had been made to listen on as Kylo was being tortured. He wanted to relieve Kylo of that, taking the blame for himself when Kylo least deserved it. And for what? The Supreme Leader cut him off before he could even begin to explain.

So that was it then, Hux thought. Let Kylo deal with this on his own. What did Hux get for sticking out for him?

Which is why it’s just grand, when Snoke comments about strategies changing. It was the perfect opportunity to bring _his_ work up. 

“The weapon, it is ready. I believe the time’s come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports The Resistance _: The Republic_. Without their friends to protect them The Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker”

“Go. Oversee preparations”

 And before he goes he makes sure he gets a good look at Ren. Hux was holding all the cards in this game. Hux was going to be the one clean up Ren’s shit, and he would see. They would all see.

With one last condescending smirk at Ren’s direction he leaves.

And it’s just Kylo and Snoke in the holochamber.

Kylo feels helpless. He knows he acted irrationally and had been overcome—he hates himself for letting the stress and pressure of doing right by Snoke lead him to a poor performance and thus letting out all of his frustration on Hux, the perfect target. He didn’t mean for any of that to happen.

His mind had been (and still is) divided and distracted, overloading with information to decode and interpret. His soul was just the same. He was barely holding on with all the conflict he carried inside him. He was torn, for he housed in his mind pictures of Lara and Hux, of Han and Leia, of the map, of Skywalker, of his failure in front of Snoke, his failure as a pupil…

But he regrets his impulsive actions immensely and before anything else, he longs to go and make amends with his partner, because he knows what’s coming and doesn’t want to face it alone.   

He’s feeling weaker and more unstable by the minute—emotions not lost on Snoke, who takes advantage of their silence to seize Kylo up to better detect what weak point to exploit next and ensure Kylo’s obedience. 

“There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?”

And it wasn’t only Lara’s birth that had disrupted the _Force_ recently. There was something else. Something coming. It was what Snoke had foreseen—the very premonition that had led him to request a new apprentice. What was coming was the very cyclone that Lara was to be trained to fight. 

“There’s something else…The droid we seek is aboard the _Millenium Falcon_. In the hands of _your_ father, Han Solo... Even you, master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a task...”

The task. The task they had already talked about, the one Ren had been dreading to face. The purge. The purge of the light that still resides in him.  

“By the grace of your training I will not be seduced.”      

“We shall see…”

It was as if Snoke already knew—had already envisioned it all. That the seduction Kylo spoke about did not only imply that of the return to his family, but the seduction of raising his own. And that both of those paths—which brought forth conflict within him——would lead him to succumb, to fail before Snoke—to prove once again that he had always been indeed _weak._

When Snoke had spoken he had not disguised his sick pleasure at seeing Kylo falling apart. It was as if adding Lara to the equation was the missing piece Snoke needed to break Kylo to the point of making him completely docile and loyal to him only—his personal puppet.

Everything was going according to Snoke’s master plan.

He was going to make Kylo destroy everything he loved, and the boy would be too vulnerable and fragile to resist against it.  

When Kylo returned to their shared quarters later that day, Hux did not utter a single word to him.

Lara was already asleep, and Hux had been making his final arrangements to depart to Starkiller.

“The map is aboard the _Millenium Falcon_ ” Kylo had told him hesitantly.

“Then find it. I’ll do the rest”

And with a last icy glare, Hux left.    

Kylo took advantage of the room’s quiet, to concentrate on finding the map’s location. It had been easy enough. It was on Takodana.

He longingly stared at his daughter. The nanny droid was already turned on and waiting patiently by the corner to tend to her needs once she’d wake.

With a deep breath he leaves, and the images in his mind merge and transform disturbingly.

Where Han Solo stands, his face morphs into Kylo’s own, and piercing, red-colored beams turn into purple.

—— 

One rogue stormtrooper, one scavenger, and a band of Resistance rebels, had been responsible for making the pillars of the First Order crumble. One by one.

The first had been the stormtrooper, FN-2187.

After his disastrous breakout, the First Order had tasted victory when they made an example of his treason by firing Starkiller at last.

 _“Today, is the end of The Republic. The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder. In this very moment, in a system far from here The New Republic LIES to the GALAXY. While secretly supporting THE TREACHERY of the LOATHSOME RESISTANCE!”_  

Hux had felt like a king. He had been standing upon rows and rows of officers and troopers, all in formation, listening to _him_ alone—at his voice that resounded above all.

_“This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an END to the SENATE. To their CHERISHED FLEET. All remaining systems will BOW to the FIRST ORDER! And we’ll remember THIS as the LAST DAY OF THE REPUBLIC!”_

His blood had sang with triumph, body alive with ecstasy at the sight of thousands of his troops saluting. It had been such sweet catharsis to have reached that height. When he gave the order to fire, he himself had felt aflame, like the very beam that had been ignited. The Resistance had woken the giant up, and he’d make comets reign death at his command.

He yelled fire and the ground beneath him trembled as a red beam emerged from the ground, angry and direct to its destination, casting its crimson shadow over them. Planets collided because of his will—the Hosnian System no more. He had done it. And it had been beautiful; he had seen it all from his position at the podium.

As he watched, he thought of the death of those within the worlds he had destroyed. The deaths of thousands of innocent people. And he’d been overcome with emotion—with pride, almost. Not even because of death itself, but because of the fact that _he_ had accomplished all of that, thus surpassing whatever his father did in his pathetic life. If only Brendol had seen him at that moment.

Of course, the events that unfolded later would’ve had Brendol snickering with evil satisfaction.

In the cold and vast grounds of red, white and black, in the space occupied by faceless soldiers, Hux thought of a soft laughter. Of dreamy eyes and light blue onesies, of tiny finger and silky locks.

Lara had been back at _The Finalizer_. Ren had been there too, but he had been getting ready for the raid at Takodana, so their daughter had been left alone in the care of the nanny droid.

Hux couldn’t help but think of that as he watched the red light. Such a contrasting thought.

What if Lara had been in one of the planets at the Hosnian System? But she hadn’t been, that’s what mattered. But thinking of Lara led him to think of the recently made families that no doubt resided there. Couples just like him and Ren.

Even if he knew they didn’t deserve it, he couldn’t help but think of the potential of an ordinary life—couldn’t help but see themselves as a regular family, living peacefully in any other planet. And how simple everything could’ve been, had Lara been born into that kind of world instead.  

His eyes watered as he stared at the red horizon, thinking of destroyed lives, broken pasts and unsure futures.

After the deed had been done, Hux had returned to _The Finalizer_ , going headfirst into his quarters. Just in case of emergency, he packed most of Lara’s belongings in a large bag before returning to the bridge to monitor Ren’s status on Takodana. When they had succeeded in locating the Resistance’s base in the Ileenium system, he moved back to Starkiller, taking Lara with him this time, for some visceral feeling within him told him that it was better to have her close. Good thing he had a nanny droid in his quarters there, too.

The second pillar fell at the hands of the scavenger.    

Kylo had encountered her on the forests of Takodana. Had strongly felt the relevance of her presence when he’d been scouting a deserted _Falcon_ for a droid that wasn’t there. But the girl…Rey, was her name. She had seen the map. She had resisted his mind-manipulation at the forest but he was sure then, that if he brought her back to the base she’d had her singing in no time, just as like he’d done with Poe Dameron. So he blacked her mind out and carried her back to his ship, following Hux’s lead to Starkiller.

But that had been the worst decision he could’ve made. The attempts at interrogating her had backfired on him terribly. His own tactics had been reversed by her—all his weaknesses and fears had been exposed, as clearly as water for her to see.

Her showcase of power struck him. And before wasting any more time, dwelling on the girl’s power by himself, he made it known to his master. He thought perhaps, that were they to turn her to their side, the First Order would be gaining a strong ally, and then Snoke might forget his initial plans involving Lara.

He’d been wrong. This discovery hadn’t been taken as reasonable exchange instead of the map.

“The _scavenger,_ resisted YOU!?”

“She’s strong with the force!” He pleaded with everything he got, begging his master to forego the map for one second to see the potential in this new revelation. But Snoke would not have it. 

“And the _droid!_?”

“Ren believed it was no longer _valuable,_ that the _girl,_ was all we needed!” 

When Kylo had gone to tell Hux that he might’ve found a solution for Snoke to leave Lara off the hook he hadn’t expected this of him—for Hux to storm in on their meeting like that, burning with rage and calling him out. It had been the last straw of Kylo’s ineptitude that Hux could take. At that point he wasn’t protecting him anymore, but vying for recognition from Snoke against Kylo, proving him who was the competent after having been underestimated all along.

Out of the two of them, Hux was the one that had tracked the location of the Resistance’s base after all.

So Snoke dismissed Hux, giving him permission to go and oversee preparations for their next strike

After Hux left, Snoke demanded that Kylo bring forth the girl to him directly. And so he went.   

To his misfortune, when he reached the interrogation chamber he found it had been deserted—the girl on the loose within the halls of their base.  

But it was the person he had been avoiding all along, and not the girl, whom he found upon his search for Rey.

Han Solo’s presence was alive and kicking, approaching closer and closer to Kylo, the more he tried to ignore it.   

——

The last strike against them is on behalf of the Resistance rebels, and it’s unfolding rapidly around Hux.

He feels his heart crumbling at the same time as Starkiller does. He‘s standing at the viewport, paralyzed. Watching as tremors slowly rock the base, making snow jump with each blast from the ground. He’s witnessing everything he has ever worked for, shatter to pieces in a matter of seconds.

The quaking of the base gets more rapturous and soon the very polished floors upon which he stands start fracturing into deep cracks.

Starkiller is collapsing, like a meager town after the strength of a mighty hurricane. It should've been the opposite. Starkiller should've been the hurricane, blasting the Resistance into oblivion.

He retires from the bridge discreetly, until he’s no longer in sight of his crew and can run.

The first thing that comes to his mind is Lara. He has to get to her, he has to get _them_ out of here. He acts selfishly, leaving his men behind at the wreckage while he runs to save himself and his daughter.

What a disgrace of a leader, running for his own life instead sticking with his crew.

But he does not care.

Cold sweat runs down on his temples, and his whole body feels like it’s been dipped into ice as he runs and thinks of his failure, but he _has_ to put that aside to keep running. He’s out of breath, he’s suffocating but he has to reach Lara, he has to get her out of here. Screw everything else, they’re all doomed.

Hs comm starts vibrating against his wrist midway through his run and it was the worst possible time for Snoke to request an audience. He groans and runs back to the holochamber.

“Supreme leader!” The walls are tearing up, huge pieces of scrap from the walls falling down, almost crashing into him. “The fuel cells erupted! The collapse of the planet has begun!” Absolut panic coats his voice as he announces it—making official what he still hadn’t been able to accept at that point, that the one thing he had dedicated most of his life to is being destroyed as he speaks.

He’s anxious and desperate for Snoke to talk quickly—takes no mind of the chaos around them, of the sure death of everyone aboard Starkiller as he talks with his usual pace. “Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren...it is time, to complete his training...”

As soon as the holo transmission disappears he stars racing again. He sees a couple of officers rushing on the halls and grabs one of them roughly by his shoulders.

“Ren, Lord Ren, where is he!” he screams right at his face, and he curses at the young officer’s stuttering, shaking them desperately. 

“H-he was last seen leaving for the forest, sir, buh-but, he hasn’t been seen ever since”

He takes note and harshly releases the officer, so rapidly that the poor man must’ve landed against the wall but he doesn’t care. He keeps running.  

He fumbles with the security code but manages to enter his room and as soon as he steps inside he’s moving on autopilot—adrenaline taking over him completely. He swiftly covers every corner of the room, scanning it quickly to make sure that he wasn’t forgetting anything of importance and then goes for Lara’s bag that had already been packed.

She had been crying hysterically—helpless in her little crib, extending her arms for her father to take. His heart drops to his fucking stomach for he grabs her just mere seconds before a huge chunk of wall could land over them, making him trip over more fallen scrap on the floor. But he’s agile and recovers his footing, clutching Lara as tightly as he can as he secures her head with one of his hands and wraps his greatcoat tightly around her.

He leaves the room and makes his way to the docking bay. He sees everyone evacuating, rows of TIE fighters and other ships alike taking off with a ferocious speed.

He has enough presence of mind to go for the ships that he knew had medical equipment on them as well as emergency provisions. Whatever shitstorm Ren had been involved in would definitely require healing.  

He can’t possibly place Lara anywhere on the shuttle for she’s still too delicate and there's nowhere that could barricade her against the rocking of the ship, so he keeps her tight against his chest with a strength he never knew he possessed and starts to pilot the ship one-handed.

He’s never been too keen on flying so he thanks whatever _force_ might be in the works that pushes him pilot this ship smoothly when the urgency was eating him up inside. Fight or flight response indeed.

He sweeps the entire base, eyes alert. With everything blowing up around him it was way too difficult to spot Ren clearly, but he somehow knows where to go. He knows which way to turn as if he was following a marked trail on the snow. Knows it, the moment Lara stops crying. Her sobs become soft hiccups and she turns her head, as if she had heard someone calling out her name.

And that’s when Hux sees him. At the very edge of a cliff, lying bloodied on the floor.

He lands lousily and hurries to place Lara in one of the cots in a room at the back of the ship before stepping out to retrieve Ren.

He seems to be unconscious, but the moment he senses Hux he starts moaning and whimpering, beckoning Hux closer. He weakly wiggles his arms trying to lift himself up but he’s numb.

Hux cannot lift him, he’s too heavy. He does try but knows is useless and can’t waste any more time, so he places his forearms under Kylo’s armpits and pulls him back with every fiber of strength within him. He mourns for his lover, for he’s screaming in pain as they move through the snow and more so when his back bumps against the ridges of the ship’s ramp.

He doesn’t even have time to settle him properly on a cot because he needs to fly them out of the planet immediately or they’d be swallowed into Starkiller’s fire. 

He takes off. Heart racing, the ship’s speed at its highest peak, going upwards, coursing through the consuming catastrophe.

Smoke fogs up the single viewing screen of the ship as they make it through, just mere seconds before the whole base goes up in smoke—the rumble from the explosion rocking the ship as they go.

Hux doesn’t look back, he wills himself not to.

Starkiller anhilitated, taking with it all the years of his life spent on it. Wiping out that past, in a way.

He reaches a safe distance, far away from the eruption and far from any other First Order ship in the perimeter. Whoever managed to survive evacuated fast enough into _The Finalizer_ or the rest of their main Star Destroyers, and surely by now they had already arrived to the rendezvous point near Snoke’s Star-Dreadnought, _The Supremacy._

Hux knows its location perfectly.

But he goes into the opposite direction.

 Once he leaves everything behind, he engages the auto-pilot mode and goes to check on Kylo.

He lifts him up by his armpits as he did before, and struggles to mount him up on one of the ship’s narrow, medical beds. Only then he can see the gravity of his partner’s injuries from a first glance since his clothes were still on—terribly ragged and damp. His face had been sliced up from the side of his neck up to his forehead, and he had a huge crater on the side of his abdomen, open and tender.

Kylo takes a labored inhale of breath and he closes his eyes as he feels Hux’s gentle hands palping him, surveying the extent of his injuries. Hux starts to deliberately remove Kylo’s clothes, starting with his boots and moving upwards until Kylo is left shivering in his boxer briefs. Without the top half of his under armor he is able to see in great detail just how pronounced the scar that bisected his face was—beginning from his right pectoral—as well as how deep was the wound on his abdomen.

A sudden wave of nausea overtook him as he faced Ren’s damaged state. He was utterly wrecked and it seemed that this medical shuttle held no compact bacta tanks. He’d have to make do and mend him with whatever poor substitute they had.

Before scouting the ship for its medical equipment he goes to the room at the bottom where he had left Lara and was surprised to see her awake, sprawled on the cot but not making a fuss; simply chewing at her fingers and looking at nothing. It was as if, after all the chaos, she was calm because she was at the presence of both of her fathers, even if they were both severely distressed with pain—physical and psychological alike.

But they were all here, together and alone at last, far from First Order territory.

So he leaves her be for a moment, while he continues his search for medical supplies. The best they got was bacta pads, and some instruments that would allow Hux to sew up Ren’s wounds—it’ll have to do, unless they stop for provisions, but he can’t imagine how on earth they’d do that since every single being on the galaxy would recognize them. Maybe not Ren, thanks to his mask, but he was in no state to so much as _walk_ properly. Where would they stop, how could they raid a pharmacy shop? Hux didn’t think this through, but then again he didn’t have any time to do so.

He proceeds to clean his wounds meticulously before applying the bacta pads, which he leaves on, letting them set in for a while before he can proceed with the sewing part.

“Hux” Kylo croaks out as Hux continues to scrub up the dried blood on Kylo’s body.

“Shut up!” he’s in no mood to hear Kylo’s excuses or dramatic statements about the previous events, and the motions of Hux’s hand with the rag with which he was cleaning Kylo turn into frustrated, rough circles.

Hux is holding out tears. He’s choking up with so much things that he wants to let out but he can’t. His mind is a turmoil of thoughts, his gut is twisting—threatening to spill out its contents. But he won’t show Kylo. He wants to finish cleaning him up so he can retire to crumble down alone, in peace.

“Hux” Kylo repeats. “I did it...I killed him” Hux regards him solemnly. He can’t take any more pain, doesn’t want to hear what Kylo has to say. He wants to beat him up himself, so badly. He has his own burden to deal with at the moment, any more information and he will pass out right there and then.

“I killed Han Solo. I pierced him with my lightsaber. Looked straight into his eyes and did it.”

A chill runs through Kylo at the memory. He closes his eyes for a bit and sees it all over again.

_He had had his back to Han. He had sensed him, following from behind, of course he had, but he was avoiding him, walking ahead and giving Han the opportunity to run away, and maybe then Kylo would be relieved of his task. He had been drowning in doubt the entire time. “BEN!” Han had yelled. And then he turned, and the room all around them transformed into a red canvas painted by the fading light remaining from Starkiller eating up the sun. He had looked at his father’s eyes, one last time, and brutally ended his life by the ignition of his lightsaber. Han Solo had died, seeking one last caress to the face of a lost boy, whom he had known once upon a lifetime ago._

Kylo did not feel relieved. The conflict within him only grew stronger. And now, as he recalls the memory, his heart contracts as if it was a clenching fist for he remembers his vision—the one of his own death, and how it had all seemed like a familiar taste of poison, an ironic turn of events.

He’s suddenly afraid. He knows his daughter is aboard, felt her presence all around the ship the moment Hux dragged him here. And he’s afraid of facing her now.

He’s suddenly intimidated by her frailty. He could infect her with his own disease so easily, leading her towards the same path he went through, the same kind of hatred. And thus his vision would be fulfilled. The daughter following the steps of the father. History repeating itself.

“I did not feel relieved Hux. I feel so lost”

“Listen, Ren. Listen carefully because I won’t repeat myself”

This is it. This is the point of no return. Hux made his decision, the moment he saw the very first splash of snow when the tremors at Starkiller began. He felt empathy for Ren, he did. And if he complied with what Hux was about to say, they’d talk about it. But they were walking on the tight rope and they had to take a course of action and fast. They could wallow later.

So he addressed Ren firmly, putting aside his own grief and trying to center his partner as well.

“You’re not the only one who lost everything. The one thing I had built my life around is gone. And it won’t be back, not by my hand.”

“I won’t return to the First Order, do you hear me!? I won’t return. I lost my life’s work, yes, but I’ve realized that I have something way more important than that. I won’t abandon _my_ daughter. I won’t hand her out to Snoke. So I’m not going back, I don’t know where I’ll go but I’m not putting _our_ daughter’s life in danger. She’s all I have. _You’re_ all I have”

“So you have to make a choice, Ren. I’ve made mine, and I’m not backing out of it. Either get your act together and work with me to figure out an escape plan, or leave. I’ll drop you off in the nearest station once you’re healed, and you can find your own way back to Snoke, but I am not returning. And I am taking Lara with me.”    

They stare at each other, seizing each other up. Hux’s gaze is burning, determined. Kylo’s is pleading, conflicted. He’s so afraid, mind weakened and unable to put everything together. 

But in his gut there lies the answer. He doesn’t even know why he hesitates in his reply. Fear of the future chokes the certainty within him.

He’d follow Hux to the ends of the world if he’d ask. And he’d give Lara all the wonders of the universe if he could. But still his insecurity yells at him to leave them, that they’ll be much better without him. Tears silently fall from his eyes, as he stares at those intense pools of green, which had captivated him since the very first moment he saw them.

Hux seems to misinterpret Kylo’s silence, so he scoffs and turns to leave but Kylo grabs him by the hand.

“And where are you planning to go?”

A ghost of a smile quickly passes on Hux’s face. His tired eyes soften, and his energy radiates relief even if there’s an undertone of worry in it. The tiniest of cracks alter his tone as he speaks. “Well, we need to get rid of this ship’s tracking device or they’ll find us in no time. It’d be best if we traded it, but I’ve no idea where we’d do that. We need to stop for supplies—Lara’s diaper cleaner is back at _The Finalizer_ so we’ll need diapers, bags of formula, and she’ll need more clothes, you know how quickly she’s outgrown everything we've bought her.  _We_ need clothes, we can’t be walking around in First Order dress.” Midway through his speech Hux lets out a nervous laugh. “I don’t even know how we're going to do this”

“I know where the tracker is, in here…I might know where to go. I can take out the device right now, it’ll be no trouble. It will buy us time to go to a trading outpost, I know the closest one. We’ll start there”

And if Hux was ever glad for Kylo’s background among smugglers and Resistance scum, it was now. He’d always admired his innate sense of orientation when navigating and his knowledge of every outlawed corner of the galaxy, not to mention his talent for repairing things only by tinkering around with them. Although he’d never admit any of this aloud. Ren would get cocky. 

“Do you want me to sew up your injuries first?”

“No, I can manage. The sooner we remove the tracker the better; this ships comes with a repair tool kit stored on the floor compartments, should be easy enough. Go check on Lara” So Ren pushes the discomfort aside and gets to work. He could manage, just as he had told Hux. He could manage to withhold his distress for the time being, even if his pain was rooted deep into his bones—his whole body tense with pins and needles, hands lightly trembling and heart frozen with unease. But he had to keep it together, for _his family’s_ sake.

Meanwhile, Hux steps into the room where he had left Lara. The lights were off but he could see that she had fallen asleep.

He cautiously lifts her to his arms, not wanting to wake her up. He sits on the low bed, with bended knees and Lara in between them and his chest.

 He cracks, as soon as he feels the weight of her fragile head resting on his shoulder.

His face contorts and spasms as scalding tears flood his eyes, body erupting with sobs as the result of a suffering that was coming straight from his stinging heart.

He gives in, he shamelessly cries in the privacy and darkness of the room. He cries and he feels his entire world around him crumble. He cries and he feels like a young boy again--crying late at night after his mother’s death, crying after one of Brendol’s beatings.

He cries for what could’ve been. For the fate of his daughter, had he been late to retrieve her from his quarters at Starkiller; for the sinister future that Snoke had had in mind for her. He cries for the fate of his partner, had he died, alone in the forest. He cries for what’s gone, for his work. For his status. For the power he once held. He cries because he’s about to start his life from scratch and he’s not sure that he even knows what he’ll do or how to proceed, after so many years of living under the routine of The Order.

He convulses, doubled in pain. He fiercely holds on to his daughter and cries, and thanks a force he doesn’t quite believe in, that his anguish didn’t wake Lara. She couldn’t see him like this, Hux couldn’t take it.  

He knows he has to be strong. But that could wait. He had to let himself have this, so that his tears could wash away the past. So that he could gather the courage to start over.

He’s so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t notice Ren standing at the door.

Kylo quietly enters, and when he crosses the room to where Hux is, he squats down with effort, wincing in pain for his injuries make it hard for him to kneel to be at Hux’s eye level, but he does so anyway.

He cautiously lifts the back of his index finger to Hux’s cheek, wiping away the currents of tears flowing down his lover’s skin.

“I took out the tracking device” Ren whispers.

Hux only nods. He cannot gather the strength to speak, so he sends out his thoughts to Ren. _“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ren. I know you’re hurting, too. I know I’ve dismissed your pain but I’m putting our daughter first, you have to understand. I’m so sorry. We will talk, I promise. But we have to move quickly if we want to save ourselves. We will talk, all night long if you wish. We will mourn together. It’s just you and me now”_

“I know, Hux” he whispers, his tone gentler than it’s ever been. “I know. We’ll find our way together”

Hux sniffles, his cries subsiding but still in his eyes there was a deep concern. There was as much conflict in his mind as in Kylo’s. The uncertainty of a broken, lifelong paradigm. 

“Are we traitors?” Hux hesitantly whispers back.

Kylo is taken aback. Yes they were. Kylo had slain FN--2187 just mere seconds ago for that very same act of treason. Had fought both him and Rey at the forests of Starkiller for not wanting to join their empire.

They were now hypocrites.

Kylo had betrayed his master. Hux had betrayed The Order. How could that compete with either the stromtrooper or the scavenger’s doings?

In their shared moment of crisis, Lara wakes up. She turns her head to face Kylo, still cuddled against Hux’s chest. She looks up at him curiously, eyes sleepy. Gaze not judgmental, nor accusing. Not an ounce of hatred nor rejection in her innocent eyes.  She lifts up her tiny hand and goes for Ren’s nose. He was a bit far and she couldn’t quite reach it to grasp it like she wished, so he comes closer to indulge her and she delightfully pats it.

Her laugh so soothing to the both of them. 

She was ignorant to the matters that perturbed them. Completely unaware of the adversity surrounding them, threatening them. She was calm and content just to be around her fathers.

To her, they were not Kylo Ren and General Hux.

And if they could restart their lives with that fact as foundation, maybe they could make it, even if the weight of their past actions would be a burden they would always carry on their backs. 

Kylo squeezes closer between them, placing one hand on Hux’s back and the other on Lara’s. Kylo’s nose rest on Lara’s head as Hux’s temple rested on Kylo’s. They stay like that for ages, or so it seemed. Sharing the silence.

“So we’re runaways now?” Hux murmurs. “Where will we even go?”

Kylo knew—knew exactly where to take them after gathering the supplies they’d need at the trading outpost.

He remembers the place from his childhood. Leia had taken him there when he must’ve been about five or six years old.

They could not stay long in there, for the planet housed Resistance sympathizers and even when he never went back after that one time, there was still the slight possibility that he might get recognized.

But if what Leia had told him all those years ago was true, then they would be safe for some time.

If it was true, then they might be protected against Snoke. 

Whom he suspiciously hadn’t sensed lurking at the back of his mind since they’d been flying.

He pushes those thoughts for later, not wanting to invoke him. Instead, he answers Hux. “I know where to take us. We’ll be safe there for a while but if we don’t want to get caught we’re gonna have to keep on moving. There must be a place where we can find a permanent home, somewhere remote.” 

Kylo looks at him, asking for reassurance. _“Are you in it with me? For the long run?”_

_“Of course”_

Not a drop of doubt could be seen in Hux’s eyes, so Kylo nods. With one last glance they seal their pact. They welcome their fate, whatever it might bring. As long as they were together they would endure. Like they had done all of their lives.

“So, where to? Hux inquires.

To the place where it all began.

“Naboo”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dreading writing about TFA but I HAD to include it in here because I thought I could take advantage of the conflict they go through in there to merge it with my plot line. In the beginning, I had them running away right after having Lara but when I finally sat down to write my story I wrote Kylo's nightmare scene to mirror when he kills Han Solo and that was unplanned. And then I was like oh shit! then I really need to include TFA in here. I hope I did it justice! I'm still debating on incorporating aspects of TLJ on the second part because I had planned this story way before that, but we'll see.  
> I've added one more chapter! because I thought the chapter I was working on to open up the sequel would close off this part better. I'm anticipating it will be the longest too, I'm still working on it.  
> So anyway! the last chapter is in the works and then the I'll move on to do the second part, which will be titled Sunshower :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me an eternity to write this, omg. This new semester at uni has been unforgiving, so Ive been torn between homework and projects, and im a terribly slow writer. But here it is, at last!

_He walks hand in hand with his mother along the tall grass. They’re both barefooted, wanting to feel the cool and humid plants beneath their feet with each step. The day was pleasant—not chilly nor warm—fresh and perfect as they make their way around the gardens. The cool wind, their companion, making Leia’s gown flow around her so beautifully while disarraying Ben’s long, black locks of hair, making it difficult for him to see the little building they were headed to._

_It’s quite apart from the Royal House but the path was clear nevertheless: a singular trail leading the way among the vast and bushy gardens, to a small, white cottage._

_Ben is not amazed. The simplicity of it…why would his mother bring him here when they could’ve visited the grandeurs of the Royal House of Naboo? What could be so interesting about this insignificant little shed? Hidden away like a deposit warehouse. And yet…he’s inexplicably drawn to it. The Force…the Force was radiating so stunningly from it._

_Leia steps in front of its dark wooden doors when they reach the doorstep and a knowing little glint adorns her eye as she looks down at Ben. Without either of them doing anything, the doors open on their own and Ben’s eyes are like plates when they widen in surprise._

_“This was her house…” Leia starts as they enter the cottage and Ben is led by his mother’s hand, throughout the simple yet homely corners of the one-story house while she begins a tale:_

_“My mother’s. Not your grandmother Organa, no…my biological mother, Padme. Padme Amidala. Remember your grandfather? Well, she was Anakin’s wife. She was the queen of Naboo for some time, before giving up her position and becoming a senator. She had fallen in love with the Jedi—with Anakin—in secret, and shortly after she learned that she was with child.”_

_“Now, the Jedi weren’t supposed to form relationships, to fall in love…least with a political figure such as her, so they kept it a secret for the longest time. She wanted to raise their family here in Naboo, where they could be safe from the war. She wanted this place to be all for herself and her babies—wanted to be close to home yet have her own freedom. And it_ had _to be by the gardens,_ that _was a must.” Leia recounted with a little smile, as if she’d been there the very moment Padme was sorting through specific requirements for her new home._

_“So she came here over the time of her pregnancy to prepare this house. It is said that it's protected by the Force, somehow. She wasn’t a Jedi, nor was it known that she was as force-sensitive as Anakin—as you…not even as me. But she did this. For us, for Luke and me.”_

_“Grandpa Bail brought me here when I was about your age, Ben. Said that Alderaan would always be my home, but if I ever found myself in need, I could come here. Which is why I bring you here now. This is your home, too.”_

_“Feel it, Ben, I know you can. It’s all around you isn’t it? Welcoming you. I like to think that it’s her spirit that still resides in here, guarding this house. She must be so happy to see that she had a grandchild, don’t you think? My Ben. And when the time comes, if you should want it, you too could bring your children here. Pass on this story I’ve told you. We must honor those who came before us, those who caved the path for us to follow. Never forget that, Ben, never forget where you come from. And she was such an amazing woman, it’s important to keep her memory alive. It often gets forgotten, clouded by the tragedy that surrounded her death. I would’ve love to have met her. But sometimes in dreams, I see her. And I can feel her too. Like right now…she’s so fond of you, feel it Ben. Reach out to her…and she will guide you.”_

_“Heroes are not always those who wield lightsabers and wear capes. Sometimes the people we think as heroes are the ones who did most harm to our world, even if they’re talked about as legends—of the light side or otherwise. Sometimes a hero is a mother. Sometimes the heroes are the ones who history forgets, yet did the most wonderful and brave things to protect the ones they loved. Don’t forget it, Ben...”_

\---

The Ring of Vermillion was an isolated, deep space colony that served as a trading outpost. Since it dealt mostly with produce and merchandise for passerby travelers, it’d be perfect for Kylo and Hux to stock up on supplies until they got to Naboo, which was still quite far away from Vermillion, even in light speed.  

With Kylo piloting the ship and Hux holding a sleeping Lara (wrapped up in Hux’s greatcoat) in the co-pilot seat, they descend. They survey the surroundings as they land at the town’s spaceport: it seemed to be dipped into eternal night, with the only light source coming from inside the dimly lit workshops and street signs. Dust decorates the air, floating all around and lightly coating the ship’s viewing screen. It truly looked like a scoundrel’s land, with people ominously walking about the narrow alleys and markets.  

They’re both wary to step out with Lara in arms, especially when they didn’t have a change of clothes which meant they’d have to walk around with their First Order vestment. Hux had ripped the First Order insignia from his coat and uniform but still it was quite recognizable, and while Kylo didn’t bear any logos on him nor had his mask anymore, his robes were way too suspicious, without mentioning of course the flashy scar on his face, now covered with a black healing bandage that Hux had put in. The best they could do to cover themselves was use the grey blankets they’d found on the ship as makeshift capes.

With one last glance at each other, they step out into the hangars—into the dry, yet cold winds of Vermillion.

“Are you sure it’s terribly necessary to trade the ship?” Hux’s reason was long gone; ignoring the obvious, working in a stage between adrenaline, anxiety and deep exhaustion.

According to Kylo, Vermillion was a neutral town—its inhabitants far immersed in their own dealings and illicit businesses to care for any political party. If anything, they’d find more First Order allies than Republic ones. It was fair to say that that didn’t ease Hux’s nervousness at all.

“This ship _screams_ First Order from miles away, Hux. Even with the tracking off, once we’re flying someone might be able to spot the unsanctioned ship and report it”

Still incredulous, Hux’s hold on Lara tightens, covering her from the dusty wind with his coat much as he could. “You’re sure you can do this?”    

“Trust me”

Hux walks a step behind Kylo, both to let him lead the way and do his thing with the Force, whatever that might be, as well as to protect Lara.

They’re met with a short and bald human male, with a greasy face and a pronounced gut, most likely from drinking way too much _ebla_ beer at his shifts if the rows of empty glass bottles at his post were any indication of the fact.

His accent is thick and pharyngeal, a tone associated with those with a smaller jaw and a thick tongue. “Oi! Who are you!? Who do you think you are, barging in here with a ship like that?!”

“We wish to trade it” Kylo calmly says.

“Are you mad!?”

Kylo’s lifted hand swiftly passes in front of the clerk’s face as he maintains the same calm tone as before, “You will give us one of the best ships on your hangar”

And Hux trembles with nervous anticipation when he sees the hesitant glare the clerk shoots at Kylo—he could see the conflict in his narrowed eyes, the engines turning in his mind, already putting pieces together. Not to mention the motion of his hands when he reaches for an old radio attached to his hip. 

“Excuse me…?”

“You will give us one of the best ships on your hangar.”

And suddenly something clicks—the clerk’s posture straightening right away, hand dropping from his hip.

“I will give you one of the best ships on my hangar”

Hux lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

 “You will have it ready by the time we come back”

“I will have it ready by the time you come back”

“You will remove its tracking device and fill up the fuel tank”

The clerk moves in a trance, eyes the size of the moon as he’s dismissed by Kylo’s hand to go do as he was ordered.

“Impressive” Hux praises. And he could kiss him right there were they not in a hurry.

They move through the lugubrious streets of Vermillion, desperately seeking something remotely similar to a pharmacy shop or a food stand that didn’t have worms and all sorts of bugs crawling all over the fruit. All kinds of sleazy characters come up at them to persuade them into buying their merchandise and Hux's hold on Lara keeps tightening. He’s even surprised that he didn’t wake her, for he was clutching at her form like a lifeline—repulsed and afraid at the same time of whoever approached them.

“Yes! Finally!” Kylo exclaims when they reach the end of a pretty nasty alley to find what appeared to be a huge retail store—the incandescent light from inside the glass windows contrasting with the loathsome obscurity of the town. They see rows of food and different halls with multiple sorts of other goods from afar, so they hope that they could at least find baby formula and diapers for Lara, since she ran out of those as quickly as a blaster bolt.

“Wait” Hux stops them before they could enter, gesturing upward with his brows.

There were cameras inside.

Ren’s eyes quickly survey the place before shutting in concentration. He tightly closes a fist, hard enough to draw blood were he not wearing gloves, and soon, one by one each camera mounted on the store’s superior corners start cracking to pieces, combusting into bright crackling sparks and fumes.

The commotion from the unexpected malfunction makes it the perfect moment for them to enter unnoticed, and they’re relieved to see that the place was mostly deserted save for a scarce group of costumers that had gathered around the mess, along with the couple of clerks that had left their places at the cashiers to go inspect it.

They slither around the place and skim the multiple aisles, Kylo spotting the clothing section in an instant. “Hux” he murmured.

“Mhm?”

“I think the pharmaceutical section is at the bottom. Go look for formula and diapers and I’ll get us a basket to fill it with clothes, I’ll be right down with you”

So they hesitantly separate but luckily Kylo is quick as he grabs a great bunch of whatever articles he can, from a handful of black and white shirts (long and short sleeved alike) as well as a couple of different colored pullover sweaters, socks, underwear and two pairs of boots. He hopes that he managed to get the right sizes for each of them but right now that was the least of his concern, they needed to move as fast as they could.

When he trots to get to Hux, he’s halts in his pace when he notices, from the corner of his eye, a large net basket filled with stuffed toys.

The one that jumps to his eye looks to be a plush, _Convoree_ bird; with light brown with spots decorating its two fluffy wings, two button eyes and a small beak—an _owl_ , as referred to in other planets. Warmth spread all over his chest when he threw it in the bag with the rest of their clothes before rushing again.

He spots him on the far back of the store, awaiting for Kylo with a crazed look in his eyes and arms like vices around Lara.

“Found everything?” Kylo asks as he reaches him, and Hux simply motions to the items in front of him for Kylo to put them in the bag.

“I found a proper sewing kit for your scar too, back here…”

“I think it should be best if we change here at once, it’d be easier to get out unnoticed”

So Hux complies and hands Ren the baby while he digs inside the bag full of clothes and looks nervously around him as he removes his own uniform, not wanting to be seen. Thankfully the massive expanse of Ren covers him enough, but the halls were quite empty anyway—the customers still dumbfounded at the front like drugged insects.

“So what, are we just going to shamelessly walk out of here with a bunch of unpaid stuff, right under their noses?” Hux says once he’s changed into close fitting black pants, a grey sweater over a black cotton shirt, and his corresponding pair of boots.

“That’s about it”

When Kylo is dressed in a similar fashion (only cream colored pants and a black sweater instead of grey) he wraps his old cloak around Lara and they begin their exit.

They’re mere seconds from stepping out when Hux is being stopped by Kylo’s firm grip on his arm. “Wait”

Kylo pauses and inhales deeply while closing his eyes. He lifts the hand that wasn’t clutching at Hux and extends it in front him.

Almost immediately, the walls of the store start vibrating and something dense in the air suffocates Hux, but just as soon as it starts he realizes: it was a shield, a shield Lara and him, since everyone around them start dropping to the floor unconscious, their groceries clattering loudly as they fall.

The vibrations stop and Hux feels relieved, but there’s no time to contemplate on what he’d just seen because Kylo’s grip on him urges him to advance.

Hux could’ve told him that he loved him that moment—in his mind he was brimming with pride for everything Kylo had pulled to get them moving safely, even with the injuries and the traumas he had just gotten through. But everything was evolving so briskly that he couldn’t even find it in him to form words, unless they’re insults.

Because back in the putrid alleyways it’s so cold but dry at the same time that it seems like the wind is cutting their air supply to fill it with sandpaper—or like a million of icy daggers being shoved down their throats and chest. 

Hux secures Ren’s cloak tighter still around Lara, trying to get its seams to cover her head. “Couldn’t you add some coats or a scarf in that pile of things you gathered!? We’re going to catch an infection with this weather!”

“Not if you shut up and walk faster, Hux!”

“I’d be glad! But can’t you see I’m trying to keep our child from rousing, you idiot!?”

And thankfully she hadn’t done so, except for when they were juggling her between them when they were changing clothes.

Kylo just rolls his eyes, grateful that Hux was walking behind him and couldn’t see—he’d never hear the end of it if he had.

When they cross a particularly obscure passage, hidden within the shadows they see a couple of children that had to be four years old at best; with dirty and torn clothes, scruffy faces and limbs too thin to bear the chilling cold of Vermillion.

Kylo crouches down to their level with the bag of clothes they had stolen and pulls out their old robes. He extends his old tunic and places it around the little girl’s shoulders and does the same with the boy next to her, but with Hux’s coat. Hux’s uniform pants and jacket he folds and rests them as blankets on their laps, and their gloves are nicely secured around their boney fingers.  

With a last amicable glance at them and a nod of his head, he rises and they resume their way back to the hangars.

Hux is stunned behind him—taken aback by his lover’s actions but far from disgusted or appalled. His heart did a tiny jump and he was overcome with a funny feeling he couldn’t name, so he simply keeps walking.

When they finally arrive they find the clerk with the same dazed stare, standing right in front of the ship that had been readied for them.

With a pass of Kylo’s hand, the chubby man falls to the floor just as the clients back at the store had, and before he lets him be, Kylo makes a swirling motion with his wrist before closing his palm in a fist. He had just erased his memory: he’d have no recollection of the owners of the First Order shuttle that he would wake up to find in his hangar.

Kylo tried not to cringe at the ship they're given: a light freighter model similar to _The Falcon,_ but more cylindrical than round and much, much smaller. But still, the resemblance was ghastly. The only bright side to it was the ample space they’d have inside it.

When they set up everything aboard, they resume their previous sitting positions and they take off into space.

After the coordinates are set, Kylo sets off to light speed and the abrupt change of velocity cruelly disrupts Lara’s rest—high-pitched wails equal parts angry at being interrupted and scared at the brusque motion.

“ _Shh_ , my darling, it’s alright…” Hux tenderly whispers.

“It’s alright…we’re safe now…we’re going home…” He rocks her in attempt to calm her down, but to no avail. He figured a change of diapers was overdue anyway, and that she must’ve felt hungry too, so he stands up and inspects the ship for a proper space to tend to her. 

Kylo feels so useless at his position at the pilot’s seat. He was always so intrigued by Hux’s seemingly natural knowledge on how to handle Lara when Kylo was the force-sensitive one. But Hux always appeared to know _just_ what their daughter needed without any supernatural input—a _father's_ awareness, it appeared to be. And while he was eternally grateful when at least one of them knew what to do, he often felt so out of place. Still afraid to pass on his burden by a mere caress.   

With the aid of the auto-pilot mode, Kylo is free to leave his post and goes to get the plush toy he had gotten Lara.

He finds Hux sitting on a narrow cot, just finishing folding the dirty diaper in a neat ball to toss it away in a trash bin, and Lara sprawled before him looking very refreshed and relieved to be free of her own mess.

“Ah, there you are. Let me just feed her and I’ll be right down to fix up that scar”

“I’ll do it.” If there was at least something he had mastered, it was preparing his daughter’s meals. But in reality he just wanted an opportunity to delay, for he felt a bit embarrassed with a toy animal in his hand and not a single clue on how to approach his daughter with it.

When he returns, Hux had already settled cross-legged against the stiff pillows of the cot with an unruly baby in arms.

“Brilliant. Thank you, Ren” Hux says as he takes the bottle from him and holds it to Lara’s delicate lips.

It’s when Kylo goes to sit closely next to them that Hux notices the object in his hand.

“Just what is your father holding, I wonder?” he playfully whispers and Kylo can’t help but grin in ease—his anxiety dissipating thanks to Hux’s generosity, knowing well that he was still trying to figure _parenthood_ out, and not once making fun of him.  

Hux feigned a surprised sigh as he kept his game, “ _Ohh_ , look Lara, what is it?” and he gently removed the nipple of the bottle for a moment so that she could see Ren instead.

Curious green orbs follow the movement of Kylo’s hand as the plush owl is reached closer to her outstretched arms. She makes soft gurgle noises in delight as she weakly holds the _Convoree_ to her before Hux resumes her feeding.  

Kylo bends down to place a tender kiss on his daughter’s forehead and her bright energy surrounds him—her contentment, her raw happiness at being held by her parents—and something eases the worry in his heart.

The two sit side by side for a moment, basking at last in the easy quiet of the ship after such tumultuous events.

“Will you do the honors?” Hux asks after a while, and he gestures for Ren to take the baby to pat out her gas.

She’s instantly lulled by the warmth and solidity of her father’s chest, so they tuck her in to sleep in the cot—her tiny form cuddled beside her new toy.

They retreat to the lavatory next room and while Kylo sits on the sink counter, Hux goes to retrieve the healing materials he had gotten for Ren’s scar.

They stand, faces close and puffs of breath hitting each other in invisible kisses; Hux’s eyes intense in concentration as he worked while Kylo’s took advantage to observe his lover up close, counting every freckle and seeing every twitch of an eyebrow. This close, he can see the blue, green and gold hues that painted his irises—his blond, long eyelashes and the elegant bridge of his nose that descended into a sharp button.

How he mourned, for now his face was forever ruined with this imperfection left by the scavenger. How could he possibly compare to Hux whose face was as perfect as porcelain. How could Hux stay with him? What did he see?   

“You’re basically shouting into my mind, calm down will you?” Hux gently said, to which Kylo simply closed his eyes as a response.

After he’s finished, Hux washes his hands and then goes to soothingly place them on Kylo’s chest, who was still sitting at the counter.

He slowly and lightly rubs a path from his chest, passing through his shoulders and then the back of his head, back and forth…feeling the soft material of his black sweater under his palms.

 _“That thing you did with the kids in Vermillion…that was very kind of you”_ Hux sends out in thought, way too tired and overwhelmed to speak.

_“It was nothing, it was the reasonable thing to do. They were cold, we needed to get rid of those rags…it was nothing”_

_“Don’t say that. In that moment I thought that Lara was in good hands, as your daughter. You will be a good father, Ren, stop feeling afraid. It’s exactly your distance what could lead her astray. You were so brave today”_

And Kylo scoffs, feeling apprehensive all of the sudden, which made Hux press closer to him.

_“You were. You managed to get us in and out of there expertly and now you’re leading us into safety, after everything you’ve been through. You’re stronger than you think, Ren. I admire you so.”_

_“How can you call me brave, how can you say I’ll be good to her? I’m a monster, have you forgotten what I just did?”_ And flashes of Han Solo’s eyes closing in surrender blur in to his mind.

_“We said we’d talk about it when we’re settled at the house, stop that now! Do not call yourself that”_

Kylo shakes his head in denial and can’t stop the scalding waterfalls that trail down his cheeks.

So Hux hugs him, tighter and more passionate than he’s ever hugged him; one hand anchoring him to his chest while the other soothingly strokes his soft strands of hair. As hot wet pools collect at his neck, it seems that Kylo has de-aged in his arms—a helpless boy once again, begging to be held through his distress.

_“You have to be strong, Ren. For us, for Lara. We can do this. I’m right here by your side, I won’t leave…”_

Kylo’s clutch is like a vice—Hux’s sweater stretched into fistfuls as Ren holds him like he might disappear into the abyss as Han had. And he passes a bout of raw and honest energy to Hux…the thing they never voice aloud but they’re aware it exists. It’s there; always growing, expanding, heating up and cooling down, stroking and pressing at the same time, stretching and encompassing them.

He passes his love, encoded as a secret meant for Hux’s mind only, and is showered in relief when he feels a void in him filling up as Hux reciprocates. 

They don’t say anything else as they remain enveloped in each other until they reluctantly depart so that Kylo could check on the controls of the ship.

After a while, Hux falls asleep on the co-pilot seat, with his neck craned in an odd position that would definitely leave him stiff when he wakes, but it slowly accommodates at the command of a twirling hand in the air. 

He turns to look on at the burst of stars that seem to elongate as they travel at the speed of light, rapidly pushing him to a road less traveled, to the uncertain future.

\---

It’s night time when they land in Naboo, although they’re unsure of the exact time. The air was much cleaner and fresher than Vermillion’s so they immediately feel at ease upon their arrival. Their freighter was now stationed in the vast fields within the perimeters that contain both the now inhabited Royal House as well the hidden cottage a few yards behind. The remains of the now extinct Amidalas.

When they enter the house, even Hux, who was as force-sensitive as a rock (like Kylo would say) could feel the welcoming energy—as relaxing as a long bath after a stressful day, or a deep whiff into their baby’s head. In fact, he felt it enveloping him as a vortex might—concentrating on him specifically. He figured it might be the fact that he was the one holding Lara, who was unusually awake and alert after such a tiring day.

With most of _Ben Solo’s_ memories buried, Kylo had almost forgotten the look and the _feel_ of it. Only candlelight and a few old lamps illuminated the interiors of the house, bathing it in dim shades of warm light that showed a home that any onlooker would think belonged to a farmer’s family instead of royalty.

The living room and kitchen area were cramped with a deep blue couch in front a brick fireplace and a wooden table with two chairs. And in fact, almost everything was made up of wood, including the floors—which were so old that they creaked with every step they took. Almost on top of every surface there were empty crystal vases, meant for flowers that no one had had the opportunity to put in there. The oddest thing was, that despite the age-worn look of everything in the house, there wasn’t a single spectacle of dust to be seen. It was simply ancient, out of date…but it was immaculate.

While Kylo surveys that all utilities are working properly, Hux goes through the unlit corridor to investigate the rest of the rooms: on the wall to his right, there’s the master bedroom and then a nursery, while to the left and between them, a bathroom. He couldn’t see much, but the rooms looked quite spacious; the master bedroom had the biggest bed he’d ever seen—bigger than the ones back at his Arkanis estate—and the bathroom’s tub was simply _inviting._

The most curious room though, had to be the nursery. On the inside, it seemed to display the vestiges of a past that never really occurred; with twin, dark wood cradles draped with white embroidered sheets and pillows, and by the window, a matching rocking chair. Moonlight coming from the tall windows illuminates the room with ghosts as Hux stands, absorbing the history within those walls.

To his left, his gaze falls on a lovely changing table with padded cushions; on its cabinets, a nice variety of baby articles, from toiletries (which had probably expired a millennia ago) to ancient toys and blankets. He was just thinking that that spot would be perfect to change Lara’s diapers when he’s disrupted by the unexpected sound of Ren’s deep voice. “Everything is working just fine” he says from the doorway, his figure lit by the corridor’s tenuous lightbulbs now.

“You want me to change her?” Kylo inquires, and suddenly all the stress and fatigue weighed Hux down as if he had been dipped into a bucket full of it. One longing, _pleading_ stare and Kylo knew the answer, so he took Lara from him while Hux went back to the living room to retrieve their supply bag.

After he hands it Kylo, he hoarsely whispers right into his ear, breath sending chills throughout Kylo’s spine. “There’s a tub in the bathroom that looks quite appealing now. So once you’re done with your parental duties you should come join me…” he purrs the last few words and Kylo _melts_.

“I’ll be right down”

So he does as he promised and sooner and more expertly than he’s ever done, he has Lara changed into fresh diapers and pajamas and tucked into the wide bed next door.

He turns off all the lights throughout the rest of the house, and when he reaches the bathroom he finds it in equal darkness, save for the faint light emanating from a couple of candles at the sink’s counter as well as from the opened window in front of the tub.

He finds Hux still clothed but barefoot.

Unlike the rest of the house, the bathroom had glazed, ceramic floors instead wood, so when Kylo takes off his own boots, the cold feeling of the tiles against his soles, with the added weight of Hux’s eyes following him intently, ignites something within him.

His skin, alight with gooseflesh but slowly heating up.

With an extended palm and not a single word muttered, Hux commands him, and Kylo follows him in a trance amidst the darkness.  

Once their hands join, Hux pulls Kylo towards him until they’re face to face, gazes meeting expectantly.

Hux slowly removes his sweater and drops it to the floor, afire eyes urging Kylo to follow suit. And so he complies, and they take their time, savoring the long-awaited privacy. One by one each garment is discarded, leaving them bare in front of the other.

Hux once again takes Kylo’s big palm in his to support himself when he descends into the water, gently tugging at Kylo’s arm to do the same.

Hungry eyes following him as he sinks down, facing Hux, groaning in relief at the water’s soothing warmth.

As soon as they let themselves relax into the water, the pain in their joints became loudly apparent—their feet pulsing at having been on the run for the majority of the day, arms and legs aching with the slightest move, bones too heavy to extend.

Kylo closes his eyes for a moment, wanting his senses to focus solely on it on the touch of a curved foot sliding through his calf…a delicate sole moving on top of hard muscle…moving from his thigh, to his stomach…slowly settling on Kylo’s chest.

Kylo adoringly fondles it with his calloused fingers, earning a soft and pleased sigh from Hux. They notice the water heating up, increasing in proportion with Kylo's heartbeats. It was eternally endearing, when Kylo’s powers produced side effects in their surroundings whenever he’d let his guard down like this.

They were both aroused but they ignore it, Hux having other intentions in his mind.

“So…tell me…” Hux whispers.  

Kylo’s eyes remain closed—not yet brave enough to say anything aloud. Instead he sends his memories to his partner, without omitting every emotion that went through him during those moments.

He remembers having sensed the girl’s powers back at Takodana and how everything went downhill afterwards. How ashamed he was at his own stupidity, his carelessness. But most of all, he recalls the sense of his father’s energy the minute he set foot on Starkiller. He had felt him, following him, getting closer and closer as Kylo kept walking away from him. He knew if they faced off, Kylo would be too weak.

Han Solo had yelled his old name. When Kylo turned around and removed his mask it was no longer Ben who greeted him.

When he was still young, it was Han whom he'd tell everything that passed through his mind, despite his distant demeanor most times—still not used to his role as a father, just like Kylo was with Lara. In retrospective, he spent more time with Han than he did with Leia, for she was always away in business, trying to mend a broken galaxy with her single might.  Although he remembers Leia more fondly because she made it up with endless snuggling and playful kisses.

He remembers the moment they faded, when both his parents drifted away from each other and from Ben, too afraid of the growing influence that had drawn over his heart with black charcoal.

He confided in his father one last time. Admitted his conflict, his pain. And he betrayed him, taking advantage of his father's faith in him, choosing Snoke once again like he'd done in his youth.

“He told me he'd do anything to help me. Even if it meant his own death…he knew. He knew what I'd do, and he didn't hesitate…”

“I…I think he knew that he'd have to sacrifice himself to save me…”

“His death served a purpose...” Hux completes.

“Did it?” Desperation coats Kylo's voice.

“You’re here with me right now, aren't you?”

“But am I really saved?” Kylo pleads.

Hux sighs. Kylo could be so obtuse when his mind was set on something—blind to see reason. Hux arms himself with patience as he gathers his thoughts and he thinks thoroughly on what to say to him.

After a pregnant pause, with the sound of the water flowing around their skin as soundtrack, he begins.

“Han Solo made a choice. He knew what he had to do. Knew what his death would mean to you”

“We are the consequences of a series of choices, Ren. You say over and over again how you're a monster. Well, if it's all the same to you, we both are. We’re both despicable. We’re murderers. Our actions were morally justified. Life…life threw us into certain situations, yes. Some by the design of others, but most of our choices were our own. We both chose this path willingly, we can’t deny it. We could've run at the first chance we had, but we didn't. And we enjoyed, every last blasted second of it, didn't we? All that power. For that reason alone, I too question if we can be redeemed…if we even want to. We certainly don't deserve to. Because most choices, we didn't regret.”

“I always hated my father. Didn’t regret killing him. But look at you, Ren…”

Hux spoke so gently, for a speech made up of such harsh, cold truths. It was in moments like this when their age difference was evident; Hux, holding it together maturely for his thirty-four years of age, while Kylo's lingering youthfulness of twenty-nine wouldn't let go—the silent tears falling from his cheeks giving him away.

“You resent your family so much because you still love them. No matter what they might've done to you. Snoke took advantage of that—knew that your sensitivity was your weakness so he exploited it. Knew exactly which buttons to push to manipulate you. So you devoted yourself to him”

“We both did, both devoted our faith into one cause—built our life around it, our choices were made based on it. But our faith has been questioned, hasn't it?”

He slides his foot from Kylo's hold to fold himself closer to him, so now they're knees are almost bumping.

“When we were immersed in our own agendas, when it seemed there was no going back, there came an unexpected silver lining, that was originally part of the grand scheme of things…but our choice made all the difference.”

He doesn't speak for a moment, letting his speech sink into Kylo's mind, searching his sad eyes before continuing.

“As I said I don't regret Bendol's murder, I loathed him. Always did. But I still mourn the day my mother died” He begins. And Kylo wipes down his tears and readies himself to listen. Hux was never that open about his past, not aloud at least, so he gives his lover his full attention.

“She was the only one that felt right in my world. In a way, I killed her too. I was always so eager to see her that she moved heaven and earth just to sneak out of the kitchens to see me at every chance she'd get.”  

“She once told me, ‘never lose your will to _love_. It will be the only thing that keeps you safe'”

At that he reaches closer still to Kylo, with a weak smile on his face, begging him not to make Hux state the obvious out loud.

“And it had to be a little girl, hadn’t it?” at that, Hux's smile brightens—eyes wrinkling and cheeks dimpling.  

“She has more of you than me. And I think as she grows she'll turn out to be more Skywalker than Hux, no doubt. But when I saw her…I remembered. I remembered those cold nights sneaking out of my room to the kitchens, to the smell of freshly baked goods all meant for me. Of the cold dissipating because I was wrapped in my mother's arms.”

“And then everything I thought I knew, crumbled. And Starkiller…it was as if someone had tipped the last piece from a row of carefully lined up dice, tumbling them all down.”

“So you see…nothing was ever resolved because we became what he did. And nothing is resolved because we're here now. And I'm just as scared as you, because our life has restarted, after years of carefully building it around something so specific. But, dear…”   

Kylo crumbles at that endearment, face constricting into a sobbing mess, so Hux reaches closer, palms holding their foreheads together. “I don't know where we're going either. But despite everything, this is where life brought us and we're here because we chose each other over anything else. My mother was right, after all. I had started to forget…”

And Hux lets himself cry, too. Because even if he's immersed in a Skywalker's realm, he feels his mother is still watching over her lost boy—who she had assured, many years ago, that what Brendol had considered as a weak will was but a noble, fragile heart.

Hux climbs over Kylo's lap to tightly wrap his arms around his neck, and his lips graze Kylo's ear as he mumbles, “Are we redeemed? No, I don't think so. We know we don't deserve it anyway, why should we want it?”

“But nothing was in vain, Ren. Because what it matters is what we've learned from everything. What matters is how you feel after what you've been through, and what you'll decide to do next.”

He feels Kylo's strong arms enveloping him tighter, plump lips against his head as he whispers, for the very first time, “I love you” and Kylo feels Hux's lips pulling into a smile against his cheek.

 _I know that, you oaf,_ Hux teasingly replies in his head. And Kylo mentally smirks, mind thrown into the past for a moment. How amusing it is, that it's the force sensitive out of the two that just _knows._ Like Han had.

Like Han had known what to say to ease his son when he came to him with a troubled heart. Like Han had known what to say to Leia to light up _her_ heart.

Was it a Skywalker thing, to be drawn to those with a wisdom beyond their powers? Like Anakin had been to Padme.    

How lucky was he, to be stuck with Hux. He had chosen him.

Hux had asked him once if them being together was Snoke's doing. But, just as Hux had just told him, it wasn't.

He had chosen him. The only right choice he had done in a long time, at that moment.

They notice the change in temperature in the water around their waists again.

They had been half-hard as soon as Hux had climbed on top of Kylo, and now, as Kylo's lips searched Hux's in a desperate kiss, their pelvises start rubbing against each other almost automatically—both of them sighing into their mouths with every lick.

Hux's palms made their way to his lover's neck, holding him steady as their rocking increased and their breaths became labored, while Kylo's own were exquisitely massaging Hux's back.

With a particularly hard thrust that makes water splash out of the tub they both groan—ridiculously relieved of the sensation that came with that delicious friction. They hadn't done anything of the sort ever since Lara's birth.

Another, and Kylo's sigh transforms into a mumbled _“Hux”_

 _“Mhmm…?"_ And if that was an inquiry or a moan he couldn't tell.

“We have no lube” Kylo whispers, and it sends them both into a bout of laughter. Such an odd thing to say after the deep conversation they'd just had.

“Well, shit” Hux says, smile as bright as the morning sun of Naboo. Kylo's thumbs move to his cheeks, curious to feel those handsome dimples on each side when he smiled.

“I'll go to town tomorrow, we needed food and more clothes anyway. I'll get some”

“Excellent. You do that…” And their mouths clashed again—amongst shared sighs and moans and tongues eagerly savoring each other.

As they kiss, their hands slowly made their way from their necks, to their chests and abdomens…to their desired destination, mouths only separating when the contact feels _so good_ that they couldn't help but groan in unison.

Hux arches his head back with a hiss of pure pleasure when his lover's grip on him had tighten, and Kylo's eyes follow him in awe, groaning in effort because Hux's touch was just too good he might come at any second.

Kylo lifts himself from his recline at the edge of a tub and guides Hux's head back to his mouth, hot foreheads meeting and the pace of their stroking increasing.

Their breaths accelerate…sighs turning into moans turning into deep groans, louder and louder as they become feverish with need.

 _“Hux…”_ Kylo groans, and he swallows his own name when Hux moans it into his mouth.

The sound of the water splashing repeatedly due to their hurried ministrations as well as their pained grunts of pleasure drive them to the edge of insanity, and soon, consumed by each other, they come—Kylo's strong orgasm rattling the glass of the windows and adding to the intensity of Hux's.  

Their hands slowly cease their motion, and their grunts soon turn into faint pants as they recover their breath, foreheads still sticking against the other.

With that, they had washed the last remain of doubt from their minds.

After a long and languid while stand, feeling surprisingly weightless—as drained as the water from the tub.

They return to the master bedroom and sigh in relief when they see that they hadn't roused Lara from her sleep, considering how attuned she is to their energy.

They change into clean clothes; loose pants, while Kylo picks out a white, short sleeved shirt and Hux, the black sweater Kylo had worn earlier.

They make themselves comfortable under the thick blankets that still smelled fresh for some unnatural reason, after years of neglect. They wrap themselves around their sleeping daughter, her endless warmth lulling them into a peaceful state.

Over her form, they reach for each other to share one last kiss, and with a last look—determined and unafraid—they succumb into slumber, leaving their past life behind.

 

                ---

The bedroom was showered in the light of dawn; timid rays creeping in from the curtains, painting the room in desaturated hues of blue, slowly turning lighter. Kylo wakes up, pleasantly enveloped in the heat of _his family_ , all cuddled up in the thick sheets and blankets, feeling more comfortable than he ever has felt. 

It takes him a moment to notice that a soft bundle next to him had started to make a fuss under the weight of his arm. He was sleeping so soundly, he still feels a bit disoriented and for a moment his brain doesn’t click why Lara is getting restless within his hold.

Hux wasn’t awake and he was usually the first one up to tend to Lara. He looks at the sleeping form of his lover next to them and he can only see the back of Hux’s mess of auburn hair against the pillows, shoulders well tucked into the covers, rising and falling so peacefully.

So Kylo stretches away the last remnants of sleep and brings Lara to his chest, softly kissing her forehead and tightly squeezing her in his embrace, before rising together from the warm nest of their bed to head to the nursery room.

“My, you’ve grown so much honey” he quietly mutters as he struggles to deposit her in the changing table.

They had been told that in her first weeks, all she’d really do would be growing, before gaining more muscle strength to move freely without their aid. And indeed she had; it was getting harder to lift her up each day, and her limbs were a tad bit longer, which in truth, made her lovelier to cuddle.

He wipes her carefully before changing her diaper and then dressing her in a clean, lavender colored onesie that they had gotten before fleeing The First Order. _“There_ , we are” he softly tells her when he finishes and just as he does, she starts wiggling her tiny arms again, begging to be lifted.

He indulges her, and she’s carried around and gently rocked through the dim halls all the way to the kitchen so that Kylo could prepare her bottle of formula, which he expertly does as always, one-handed.

He’s humming nonsense all the while and Lara is simply delighted; she makes one of those soft exhale noises akin to laughter and her hand is insistent, trying to grab her father’s shirt. “I’m almost done, honey, hang in there” he says while shaking her bottle and making sure it’s the right heat. “There we go”

When it’s all done he sits at the wooden table with Lara in arms as she feeds.    

He’s in complete awe when he looks down at her—mesmerized by her bright green eyes, contrasting amongst the shadows of the room. She’s looking up at him intently, eyes never leaving his own and radiating pure happiness—the most tranquil she’s ever been around him. And while his insecurity tells him that it’s the energy of the house and not himself, the fact that it was the first time that Kylo was alone with her away from the hectic life of The Order, even from within their personal quarters, was the source of Lara’s contentment.

Her eyes scrunch up a bit as if she was smiling at him and he’s simply taken away by her beauty, her innocence. His lungs fill up with a deep intake of breath as he looks on.  Could she not sense that she was in the arms of a monster? He adored her so, but still could not shake his fear of inevitably fucking up, thus igniting the match that would burn away all her purity. Despite the conversation he had had last night with Hux.

 _“Are you there, grandmother? Are you watching?”_ he thinks after closing his eyes, concentrating—seeking the aura that surrounded them.

_“Are you proud of your grandson? Look what’s become of me…”_

_“I know I am not worthy of such a gift…not even worthy of being alive right now. But please, just_ , please, _protect her. Guide me. Show me how to be a good father. Please don’t let me ruin her. Let me get this one thing right”_

Her faint gurgling pulls him from his thoughts, alerting him that she had finished her meal. He inclines his back against the chair as he supports her tummy against his chest so that he could have her gas gently patted out of her. 

They remain there, with Kylo hugging her tighter, one big hand covering the entirety of her small form while the other lovingly strokes her fine curls. His nose against her hair as he whispers, lips tickling her “Lara…” 

“Honey…I’m sorry about everything I’ve put you through so far”

“I promise I’ll do everything I can to protect you. Nothing will harm you as long as I’m around.”

“You are so loved, so, so very loved…”

“You were always ours. From the very beginning, you were always ours. No one will take you away from us, the darkness will never separate you from us...” 

“I’ve failed so many people in my life, but I’ll do my best for you, I won’t fail you…”

He’s not even sure he could make good on his promise, his body drowning in self-doubt. But the universe placed this delicate creature in his care—as a test? a blessing? Either way he’d cherished this precious gift. And if he could get this right for once in his life, he feels he could truly be free.     

With her father’s tender words she is lulled to sleep; her small puffs of breath warming up the side of his neck and her tiny hand weakly trying to grip his shirt.

He carefully lifts her up and she's carried back to the bedroom.

Back in the bed, Hux is woken up by the movement behind him, as well as the covers slipping from his shoulders. As he sluggishly turns around with a blurry sight still fogged with sleep, he sees Kylo accommodating himself beneath the sheets with Lara resting on top of him.

He couldn’t help but smile at the scene before him: Kylo’s bed hair and Lara’s mirroring it exactly; same lazy, pouty lips. Hux reaches a palm to feel the smooth skin of bicep beneath it, and he snuggles closer to rest his head it. “Morning” Kylo mumbles, earning a simple moan from Hux.

They bask in the quiet hours of the early morning for a moment, awakening for once in their lives by the sun instead of electrical light; neither hurry to get dressed to play their respective parts, neither rush to steal a quick kiss before leaving. In this safe haven they could afford to pretend that they were normal. That they were a young couple, beginning to discover the wonders of parenthood. No obligations, no superiors, no rules. Just them and their baby. Able to love each other freely.

“I’ll run down to town right now…the sooner the better. Ration bars from that medical ship won't do for breakfast…”

“Excellent” Hux exhales, much too comfortable to move.  

“I’ll see if I can get _the thing_ ”

Oh, that had piqued Hux’s interest. He was feeling very awake all of a sudden. “Oh, you will?” and he looks up at Kylo, a mischievous gleam surfacing from his sleepy gaze. “Perfect”

They meet in a lazy kiss; barely any press of lips, more light caresses and exchanged breaths than anything, before Kylo hands their sleeping daughter to Hux he goes to prepare for his trip.

He changes his current pants into his old black ones that he had kept, and simply throws another sweater over his shirt. He picks up his old robe too, figuring he'd need it to keep warmth since it was cold outside and he hadn't picked up any outerwear for them at Vermillion. 

Kylo lingers on the edge of the door with two over-sized bags over his shoulder.

“Be careful” Hux firmly warns from the bed.

“I will”

And with one last, longing look, he departs.   

Before Lara wakes up, Hux quickly rises and goes to wash his face in the bathroom and then stops at the nursery to pick up the cotton sling carrier that had caught his eye when he had been snooping around last night.

He has it dangling around his neck and hips when he returns to the bedroom and is instantly enchanted to find his baby’s curious big eyes already opened—looking adorable and tiny from within the thick sheets, eyes wide surveying her surroundings and scrunching up when she senses him approaching.

“Good morning, my darling girl” he cheerfully coos as she is lifted to be accommodated inside the stretching sling. Hux too, struggles to lift her up, especially since every last joint in his body ached, but her heavier weight is no less pleasant against him. And plus, he had gained a surprising amount of upper body strength from carrying her around so much, so he couldn't complain.

With Lara having never left a First Order ship with the exception of Vermillion, he figured a walk outside just lovely.

The weather was just right and the fresh smell from the colorful plants all around them at the backyard felt amazing as it filled his lungs. The sun was starting to shine brighter as the morning progressed, making Lara's fine strands of hair acquire a beautiful glossy quality to them, and her iridescent eyes changing into lighter shades of grey depending on the position of the rays of sunshine.

“My darling…” Hux sighed in complete wonder.  

He carries her all around the gardens, voicing his admiration for the different sorts of flowers contrasting from the green of the trees and bushes. He even plucks a purple one from a tree to gingerly place it under her ear, adorning her hair so prettily.

They walk about for an eternity, until his gaze lands on a swing hanging from the sturdy-looking branch of a tree, looking quite promising to rest his aching legs for a bit.

He lightly rocks them and to his endless amazement at his daughter's quirks, he laughs when her eyes go wide and her mouth opens in delight with the movement.

“You like that, my darling?” he says around an adoring grin.

Just when they're most immersed in their little moment, a white butterfly suddenly arrives out of nowhere, flying around the both of them before landing on Lara's forehead.  

He concentrates on the picture beneath him, when he notices Lara closing his eyes at the feel of the butterfly's soft wings against her.

Lara's energy was singing, as if she had been reunited with a long-lost relative.

And Hux understands. He had felt a curious shift as the butterfly drew circles in the air around them before leaving.

He was still a skeptic on most matters regarding the Force, but that was out of pure stubbornness, for many events in his life had proven him that it existed. His daughter was living proof of that. So when he looks around to find the butterfly but finds it gone, he knows. Someone was looking out for them, and even if he felt unworthy, he was grateful.          

The sound of a motor in the distance makes his blood turn cold, but when he turns to look he sees Kylo, climbing out of a speeder to unload several huge bags that seemed ready to burst at any time.

Kylo robbed a speeder? That idiot.

What a genius.

When Hux enters the living room he sees Kylo kneeling in front of the fireplace, going through the first bag, pulling out a multitude of articles.

“What on earth did you bring?” Hux asks.

“Took advantage of everyone's weak mind is what I did. And thankfully nobody recognized me” he says, voiced muffled over his attempts to pull out the tightly squeezed products. He looked like a madman, and Hux tried his best to contain his amusement.

“Food's at the table”

Hux's mouth watered at the sight of sweet-smelling fruit and a freshly baked loaf of bread for breakfast.

Kylo hadn't forgotten to bring a bag of Hux's favored _caf_ , so he didn't think twice before leaving Kylo to his doings to go set the table and get everything ready.

After everything is in order, they both settle to share their first actual meal together as a family. Thankfully the kitchen was well equipped, so Hux only needed to wash everything before using it. He had prepared the caf, which had filled the room with its pleasant smell, drawing Kylo from his crouching position to join Hux at the table. They had sliced up the fruit, accompanied by toasty bread and two, rich and steaming cups of caf.    

Over breakfast, Kylo recounts his journey to downtown Naboo where the market was. He said he knew it was way too far to get there walking so he had raided the Royal House in search for a vehicle—hence the speeder. It had been easier than he expected to manipulate the citizen's minds and as a result, he was efficient in getting everything they needed in no time, thus coming back with more bags than those he had left with. Apparently, Kylo had managed to get enough clothing for the three of them, as well as blankets and towels. He'd also gotten their respective toiletries, food that he'd already placed in the icebox, diapers, formula, and a variety of toys for Lara—whom had started to get restless in Hux's sling with hunger.

How _dare_ they eat without her…

“I'll get it” Kylo mumbles through a mouthful of bread as he goes to prepare her meal.

When he comes back and hands the feeding bottle to Hux, he says, “I got the lube” around another mouthful of food.

Hux should be annoyed by Kylo's lack of manners but what he'd heard was too promising for him to care. “Well then… we wouldn't want it to expire now, would we? He answers with a conspiratorial smile and raised eyebrows.

“No, no we don't” and they laugh at the silliness of it all. Them bantering freely over a breakfast that wasn't made from the stale carton served at the Finalizer, in a quiet room away from the darkness and the cold of space, but warmed and lit by sunlight instead; they had a baby, whom Hux was gently patting on her back. They were not disturbed by obligations, by parts to play. They were themselves…together and free.  

When they finished their meal, Hux had put Lara to sleep in one of the cradles from the nursery room and had gone back to help Kylo unload the rest of the bags and put everything else away.

When it was done, like a couple of horny teenagers, they hurried to their bedroom with joint hands and excited giggles.

\---

It's the first time they do it by day—their affairs always having been left until the end of their shifts. Only at night could they escape…could unwind, strip away their public personas.

Not anymore.

In the shimmering light, Hux's skin looks as white as milk while Kylo's eyes look the color of honey. But soon those eyes are enveloped by jet black pupils, and the white canvas of skin is painted with a pink blush that slowly bolds red.

They had both stripped of their clothes already—Hux is sprawled on top of the sheets. His laughter at having been thrown there turns into a pleased pant as he looks at his lover's big body looming over him. Hux pulls him closer with gentle palms against cheeks, and they meet in a kiss that was more teeth clashing because they couldn't contain their enormous grins.

What starts as playful fondling, turns into a passionate embrace—with hands groping desperately instead of caressing, and mouths meeting violently; smiles fading into an urgent fight for dominance as their tongues meet, again and again, and their fists close around each other's hair.

Soon, Hux grows frustrated and eager to have that wonderful mouth on the rest of him, so he guides Kylo's head to an arched neck, and Kylo kisses a reverent line down the side of it—always entranced and hungry for its elegant curve.

He digs his tongue into the dip between his collarbones and Hux grows restless beneath him, fists tightening—and Kylo feels the vibrations of his lover's deep moan under his lips.

He goes lower still, lavishing thorough attention to each hard nipple—biting them roughly after having licked each one as if his life depended on it.

Down he went, hot tongue exploring equally hot flesh, kissing each rib, kissing the dip of his stomach, his navel…until his nose nuzzles a soft patch of ginger hair and inhales a deep whiff of it. He turns into a hungry animal as he roughly places Hux's legs on his shoulder and wastes no time in taking his achingly hard length in his mouth—both of them groaning in relief.  

Hux's moans make him sound depraved; panting at the feel of a hot mouth enveloping him so tightly, sucking him _so perfectly_ that his eyes roll back and his body is reduced to a trembling mess, fiercely seeking support trapping Kylo's head between his legs.  

 _“Ren…”_ he pleads, but it turns into a deep hum when the vibration of Kylo's answering moan around his cock turns him aflame.

But a new need finds him, and soon, he's forcibly yanking Kylo's head from him to pull him closer.   

He switches their positions, straddling Kylo to mimic the path that he had traced on him earlier. Nuzzling the side of his neck before going down to explore the rest of that hard chest that seemed to be made of the finest marble—harshly biting down Kylo's thick pectorals, moaning when he feels a calloused hand swiping away the strands of hair that had fallen to his forehead and guiding him firmly.

Hux's weight on top of him always felt just splendid—lighter for their difference in built but perfect nevertheless. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Agile limbs deviously slide down his body, while delicate fingers press with enough strength to bruise, and plums lips kiss vigorously to leave marks.

Just when Kylo thinks that he'd proceed to suck him off, Hux lifts off him and comes up at his side to kiss him again while he searches for something that had been discarded into the pillows next to them.

Hux grins into their kiss when he finds it, and soon, cold crystal is being placed on Kylo's hand. “Pour it on my fingers” Hux exhales, and Kylo instantly knew what he was onto.

He complies, dripping a copious amount of slick liquid, rubbing it together between Hux's fingers.

Soon, as they keep kissing, cold fingers start to leave a wet trail down his body. Hux's palm travelling down…until it stops at Kylo's hard length but only grazes it lightly to go further instead.

Kylo's back arches as those same fingers breach him—burning him, but deliciously so.

 _“Hux….Hux, Hux, Hux…”_  Kylo prays, over and over again until he doesn't make sense anymore—more wanton moans than actual words. He squirms at the feel of Hux's precious, boney fingers scissoring him expertly, opening him up the more digits he adds.

 _Fuck me, Hux_ …he thinks. And Hux takes pity on Kylo, sweetly pecking the corner of his mouth before carefully removing his fingers and straddling him again.

“Get me ready” he murmurs as he places the bottle of lube on Kylo's hand.

When Hux's dick is dripping, slick and ready for Kylo, he enters him…and they both loudly groan from deep within their chests in raw satisfaction at the feel of it—Hux enveloped in an incredible heat and Kylo filled up entirely.

After a second of marveling at the sensation, Hux starts to move, gently at first but they were both way too hungry to go soft.

Kylo guides Hux's hips—thumbs bruising the sharp hipbones, and Hux's head arches, face contracting in pleasant pain when he's made to thrust into him faster—again and again, mercilessly pounding into him.

Kylo can't handle the distance, so he crunches up from the bed to meet Hux—tightly embracing him, which only made him slid deeper into him.  

Hux wraps his arms around Kylo's neck, seeking an anchor to steady him or he'd fall into the void and never return—both of them blindly overcome at being together again after so long.

They kiss—if they could call it that—for what Kylo was doing was actually trapping Hux's bottom lip between his teeth and roughly pulling at it. Gazes heady as they stared at each other in ardent defiance.

Soon, Kylo is pushing Hux on his back, landing on the other side of the bed. Hux laughs madly with lust, with Kylo riding him and crushing him, trapping him down with his muscled body so heavenly.

Nails that feel like claws scratch at the expanse of Kylo's enticingly wide back.

With a mighty strength, Kylo is pushed on his back again, with his head at the very edge of the bed as Hux straddles him once again. They change positions with wild abandon, hips jerking frantically and without any finesse left.

With one knee buried in the soft mattress and the other between Kylo's strong legs, Hux changes his angle, aiming to hit Kylo's prostrate repeatedly.

They're both mewling, wailing—tears threatening to fall from both of their scrunched up eyes because it's _so good_. They hadn't been rough and careless like this in so long. The air around them is dense and suffocating with their perspiration but it feels _right_ …their bodies still ached but the fire rising from their groins and creeping all over them was way too exquisite for either of them to care. They just kept moving faster, more recklessly, chasing that growing tingle with fervor.    

Kylo's hold tightens around Hux, warning him. So Hux hits him harder…faster…in and out without a care of his pain.  

They stare at each other with furrowed brows—brown against green, breaths puffing against each other's swollen lips.

The world tunes out and all they can hear are their moans syncing with the motion of Hux's thrusts.

With a drop of Hux's sweat landing on Kylo's mouth and once last thrust at his prostrate, Kylo's eyes roll out in bliss as a toe-curling orgasm takes over him, making the bed rattle violently with the potency of it. It's so intense that it propels Hux's own, and they groan together at the sensation of Hux coming inside of him.

If they hadn't been basking in the aftermath, the sharp thud of their foreheads meeting together would've been more painful, but they let it slide, too worn out to care.

Kylo is still over-sensitive when Hux pulls out of him and it sends a sudden ripple of lingering pleasure over his spine. He hisses at the sensation, lazily looking up at his lover.

Hux lays next to him, with one leg on top of him as he cradles Kylo's head to resume their kissing—which turns sloppy as the exhaustion finally sets in.

In the midst of their make out their interrupted by a loud, high-pitched cry from the room next door and they both laugh in embarrassment. _Of course,_ they had waken her. They'd been too loud, cries bordering on screams and Kylo's climax had probably rattled the entire house, not just their bed.

With one last loving kiss, they separate to go clean themselves up and tend to Lara.

\---

They spent the rest of the day lounging about in bed with Lara nestled between them, only getting up to eat lunch and then dinner. They had bathed her together at the kitchen sink before sharing a shower themselves.

Their evening was filled with laughter—Lara having neglected her brand new toys to make a playground out of her fathers' chest. Cold General Hux and the master of the Knights of Ren, goofing around with a baby between them, doing all kinds of silly faces and voices in order to entertain their daughter. Who would've thought?

They marveled at how easy it was to be so carefree—to laugh so freely, like they never had in their lives.

When they had worn Lara out, and her diapers had been changed one last time, the three of them went to sleep—tangled together beneath the warm and cozy sheets of their bed, safe and sound under the peaceful energy of the house.    

However…

After a long while, Kylo regains consciousness.

His eyes adjust to the darkness as he registers the room.

Everything seemed to be fine—Hux's face was closely pressed to Lara's head and his hand rested against Kylo's hip. They were asleep.

But then Kylo's gaze turns around, to the front of the room.

In the darkness, he sees a figure, silently watching them.

It takes him a moment to realize it wasn't there _physically,_ even if it seemed real enough.

A projection.

The scavenger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh, so! I found a way to incorporate TLJ´S elements! so the sequel is all planned! As I said before it will be titled Sunshower, and while it will take me longer to write it, the events are already outlined so it will be easier for me to keep up with the updates. They might be slower, between school and moving out of my house, but I won´t be abandoning this story, it´s lived in my mind for so long now that I´m more determined than ever to finish it.


	6. Chapter 6

this is just a chapter to let you all now that I have posted an interlude to this story before proceeding to the sequel!  
I am beyond sorry to have taken so long, life as been SHIT. But, this story is nowhere near over, and I am not planning on leaving it unfinished. Hell nope! So I hope you're still enoying this story that's so dear to my heart.

  
 **UPDATE** Sequel titled "Sunshower" is finally up!

**Author's Note:**

> find me at tumblr! theold-ultraviolence


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